Would you tell?

[Matt]

I was with my ex for just under two years. She is great, and we have a cordial post-breakup relationship to this day. Her family have, on the whole, been great to me. That includes The Sister - who, as much as I used to whine about her, is actually a pretty ok-kinna-girl.

The Sister likes it the old man. She is 30. Her last bf was 49 (and broke and useless, but kind of a young 49 if that is at all possible). He was replaced by a 54 year old with kids almost as old as his new gf. He is definitely not young-seeming in anyway. He creeps me out to be completely honest.

Anyhow, he arrived on the scene shortly before I departed, so none of my business basically.

So on Tuesday I have a business meeting, and I learn that he is the boss of one of my potential clients - essentially he would be the guy paying the bills, despite the fact that I would have nothing to do with him. In the course of conversation I learn my ex's sister far from his only girlfriend floating around this long narrow land of money-chasin-hotties, and, not only that, he is, ostensibly, still married.

His wife lives in Thailand with their kids. He tells it as a virtual divorce with paperwork remaining...but the delays in paperwork apparently are because...there is no paperwork. They're in a distance thing, and when he heads to Thailand, it is, apparently, all happy families again.

My ex is, apparently, pretty fond of the guy. "He treats me like a sister" seems to be her position on the matter.

So.....if you were me...would you tell the ex about her sister's boyfriends proclivities? It pretty much has business consequences for me (hard to imagine I would win the client after revealing that), but at the same time, both her and her sister are Good Peoples, and her sister really doesn't deserve the treatment she is unknowingly getting.

 

[Etienne]

Originally Posted by m@T

her sister really doesn't deserve the treatment she is unknowingly getting.
Are you sure she does not know? Maybe she does and is merely delusional, in which case she would probably get mad at you.

 

[CDFS]

Objectively you have no moral obligation, imo, to tell such to the sister of an ex-girlfriend. Personally I think I would feel the obligation anyway and would brach(?) the subject circumspectively with either ex or sister depending on the dept of the relationship. Would that be wise? Probably not.

 

[dah328]

Originally Posted by m@T

So.....if you were me...would you tell the ex about her sister's boyfriends proclivities? It pretty much has business consequences for me (hard to imagine I would win the client after revealing that)...
If there were no consequences for you, you would obviously tell her because it's the right thing to do. Don't avoid doing the right thing just because it may have consequences for you in this case.

 

[Tardek]

It's none of your business, keep well and truly out of it.

Or, if you want to pass the buck, tell the ex, and let her decide whether or not to tell the sister.

 

[globetrotter]

hard call, but I thing that Dah is right, you should tell. although I am thinking that anyone who hangs out with a guy in that situation has to know that that is more or less the case.

 

[JammieDodger]

I'd love to be in that position. Tell her, it'll be hilarious.

 

[Alter]

It sounds like you are a few too many degrees separated from knowing what is the real story about that guy. I might say something to your ex but the most you could really say is that her sister should be careful because you had heard some rumours.

 

[globetrotter]

another thing I just thought of, Matt - you are an employee, of course a higly placed one, but you also have responsibilities to your company and to your staff. not that one customer is going to make a difference, but that is something that has to be taken into consideration, too.

even with that, though, I would probrably feel that the best thing is to tell.

 

[texas_jack]

There is a good chance that deep down she knows. She'll likely lash out at you and ignore your advice.

 

[philosophe]

Dah and Globe are right on this one. I agree that the woman involved would have to be very self-deluded not to know what's up with the man in question, but never underestimate stupidity. As a matter of getting the message across in a way that it can be heard, communicating via your ex might or might not be the best path.

 

[Thomas]

Originally Posted by texas_jack

There is a good chance that deep down she knows. She'll likely lash out at you and ignore your advice.

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking as well. IMHO the sister is chasing these considerably older men for a reason, and if he does have a few on the line and trips back home to family, then she would have to be blind to think she's the only one. I could be quite wrong though.

I think that instead of spilling the beans outright, I'd ask a few questions and see if this is something she already knows.

 

[Joffrey]

Originally Posted by m@T

I was with my ex for just under two years. She is great, and we have a cordial post-breakup relationship to this day. Her family have, on the whole, been great to me. That includes The Sister - who, as much as I used to whine about her, is actually a pretty ok-kinna-girl.

The Sister likes it the old man. She is 30. Her last bf was 49 (and broke and useless, but kind of a young 49 if that is at all possible). He was replaced by a 54 year old with kids almost as old as his new gf. He is definitely not young-seeming in anyway. He creeps me out to be completely honest.

Anyhow, he arrived on the scene shortly before I departed, so none of my business basically.

So on Tuesday I have a business meeting, and I learn that he is the boss of one of my potential clients - essentially he would be the guy paying the bills, despite the fact that I would have nothing to do with him. In the course of conversation I learn my ex's sister far from his only girlfriend floating around this long narrow land of money-chasin-hotties, and, not only that, he is, ostensibly, still married.

His wife lives in Thailand with their kids. He tells it as a virtual divorce with paperwork remaining...but the delays in paperwork apparently are because...there is no paperwork. They're in a distance thing, and when he heads to Thailand, it is, apparently, all happy families again.

My ex is, apparently, pretty fond of the guy. "He treats me like a sister" seems to be her position on the matter.

So.....if you were me...would you tell the ex about her sister's boyfriends proclivities? It pretty much has business consequences for me (hard to imagine I would win the client after revealing that), but at the same time, both her and her sister are Good Peoples, and her sister really doesn't deserve the treatment she is unknowingly getting.

No, do not tell. Business comes before the family of exes you are cool with.

 

[Piobaire]

Not only should you not tell, squirrel this thread right now. Never, ever, ever get in the middle of someone else's relationship. You will be deemed the bad guy, in 99.9999% of cases, even if you reveal to the "good person" that the other party in the relationship is a mass murderer, ******, wears black odd trousers, and doesn't call his mother on her birthday.

I'm not kidding, this will happen.

I learned my lesson when my sister's now ex beat the **** out of her one too many times, and I went over and returned the favor to him. My sister didn't talk to me for five years. That's an extreme case, but lesson was learned. You just don't interfere in other people's relationship.

Not only will you lose the business, you're likely to also lose the relationship you value with your ex and her family.

 

[unjung]

You could rat him out anonymously. Of course the other advice in the thread is probably better.