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This is important, and why I make it a point to never bluff with ours. If I lay out consequences, then I follow them to the letter, or invite disrespect. I have to pick out the consequences carefully, though.Originally Posted by Thomas
+1.Originally Posted by globetrotter
Did she learn her lesson?Originally Posted by Mark from Plano
I have avoided comment on much of anything here following a purchase gone bad and some responses that followed, but was intrigued by this discussion. My parents did not spank any of us prior to the age of 8. They said that before the age of 8 we were not really able to understand right and wrong to the degree necessary for a spanking to be warranted. Beyond that, we were only spanked for two reasons: 1. If we hit one of our siblings; 2. If we lied to our parents. We all learned pretty early on that if we confessed what we did, no matter what it was, that our parents would punish us, but not as badly if we lied about it and got caught. As they explained it to us they would not be able to help us with a problem, a problem that we might not even perceive to be a problem, if they were not aware of the problem, so we needed to always tell them the truth. Also, if we accepted our punishment, which usually involved no t.v., games, computer, etc., and did not complain about it, two weeks of punishment was usually reduced to one week because of good behavior. Finally, my mom never spanked any of us, and the reason is quite unusual. My mom has a temper and once spanked my older brother too hard when she lost it. My dad pretty much took over after that, we had a family meeting, and we were told that none of us would ever be spanked when a parent was angry and that my dad would handle all spankings. My older brother seemed to get the most spankings, mostly because he lied a lot, and I remember one spanking, but I do not think any of my other siblings has ever been spanked. It is also interesting to me that my dad, who is normally thought of in strong terms by us, would go to his room alone and actually cry after having to spank my brother, and I assume me. So I know he did not enjoy having to spank us. I don't know if they were right or wrong in the way they handled it, but I don't think any of us ever thought we were punished without a real good reason. I learned early on in life that I was free to make my own choices, but I was not free to determine what the consequences would be for those choices. Since spanking was so rare in our house and we were all pretty well behaved I suppose it would be easy to argue it is not necessary to spank. I think the most effective tool used by my parents was the knowledge that they meant what they said and never bluffed. If we were dumb enough to break a rule and get caught, we would be punished. I remember when I was little, I think around 5 or 6, going to Disneyland with the whole family. We were standing in line for a ride and this one kid was really acting up. His mother told him to stop or he was going to get it. My dad said: "Watch this, he'll do it again and again and his mother will keep threatening to punish him, but nothing will ever happen. How many warnings do you guys get?" I said none. My dad was also right that this kid never stopped and his mother never did anything about it. The only time we ever got a warning was when we did something that my parents had not anticipated, that was not a "known" rule violation. We got a strong warning if it was something new and that would then be added to the list of known offences. Sometimes, we would try and claim we did not know, but that really never worked. In any event, I don't plan on having any kids so I guess I will never know how I would treat my own kids. If that changes, I imagine I would probably follow my parents route since it seemed to work out fine for all of us.Originally Posted by LatinStyleLover
actually, she did. aside from that one time, we haven't made any threats to our kids that we couldn't carry out 100%.Originally Posted by globetrotter
just above the shift key is a button that says 'enter'. You should test it out sometime.Originally Posted by Matt
On the contrary I find that people are too rigid in their thinking, quick to resort to confrontation and hardly prepared for life beyond working. It's a recipee for unhapiness...Originally Posted by Fuuma
I think the poll results are interesting...and confusing. Of the folks who actually have kids 2/3rds don't spank. Of the folks who don't have kids 2/3rds plan to spank. What happens between the time they plan to have them and the time they actually have them? Or is this just stupid sampling error again? So boring.Originally Posted by Mark from Plano
are you one of those people I see in coffee shops kneeling beside a child with Nutella smeared all over his face ("because that's how he chooses to express himself") asking him if he understands why what he was doing was wrong and how he should promise to never do that again, and getting an earnest nod in reply....three seconds before he skips across to the other side of the room and belts his brother with a pool cue?Originally Posted by Matt
its about sharing a cultural capital and open-ended tools to approach the worldOriginally Posted by Fuuma
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