People on Yelp: Why do you all suck?

With Yelp and TripAdvisor, I only read the bad reviews. If the bad reviews are overwhelmingly stupid, I'm willing to give it a try. Yelp reviewers aren't as clueless as TripAdvisor's but they're certainly more annoying.

Originally Posted by gladhands

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With Yelp and TripAdvisor, I only read the bad reviews. If the bad reviews are overwhelmingly stupid, I'm willing to give it a try. Yelp reviewers aren't as clueless as TripAdvisor's but they're certainly more annoying.

Really? I find Trip Advisors reviews to be much better quality and therefor much easier to ignore the odd balls. However, I always ignore newlyweds ("Oh the place was like a dream for my husband and I") and Brits who visit NYC ("No iPod docking station in the room and no kettle for tea and they call this a hotel!!")

Trip Advisor is filled with people who travel abroad and expect to find America; the kind who complain about insects in the Tropics or that their $250/night Tokyo hotel room was smaller than the Embassy Suites in Killeen, Texas.

This is my review for an Edwards Cinema by my house:

A movie, that is exactly what I needed. Jumped in the car, and drove to Edwards, eager to see "Valentine's Day". Little did I know that I would face the strangest night of my life.

As I pulled into an empty space in the parking garage, a strange acting teenager approached me. He had a slanted forehead like some Cro-Magnon caveman and big crusty lips. His eyes were dilated and his gait showed signs of mental marsupialation. "Yawhman, d-dyou have some chang-e, dude?" He was on some sort of opiate, apparently. "Back the **** off man, I know Krav Maga." He lunged at me. Bam, elbow to his solar plexus. He went cold as I dropped his limp body to the cement. I shrugged and headed to the ticket window.

That's when I noticed them. The emo-goths. They were everywhere. Black clothing, bad makeup, ratty hair, and cellulite surrounded me as I stood in line. I could smell their teenage angst and I will tell you this much, I began to sweat in fear. Here I was, a 5'10 lean, cut man trained in deadly martial arts--peeing in his ******* pants. One bumped into me and a piece of her muffin top grazed against my open palm. I had to hold back the vomit. Her fat, rat tailed boyfriend turned quickly (as quickly as a rotund individual can, at least) and gave me the evil emo eye. "Why you touching my girlfriend, *****?" Oh, that was your girlfriend? I replied. I thought bestiality was illegal in California. That set him off like a hippo in heat. He swung at me with his ham hocks. I batted away the attack effortlessly. Bam. Popped a knee to his testicles. Smash! My open palms crashed against his ears. His girlfriend tried to stop me, but a quick push sent her toppling to the floor like a tub of buttered jelly. No one else tried to test me.

As I sat in the theater, watching the previews, a group of minorities were chatty chatty chit chitting away about this and that. At first I thought they would zip it when the movie started, but boy was I wrong. They increased their volume as the movie progressed, eventually yelling at the screen, hoping the fictional characters would hear their screeching commands. Shut the hell up! I yelled. They would get one warning. "Oh no you didn't!" one of the girls cajoled. "Why don't you come up here and say that, *****?" I stood up and made my way up to their seats. Shut. The hell. Up. I started to walk away when one of the bitches threw something at me. I had enough. I ripped my shirt apart and threw it on the ground. I flexed my rippling abdominal muscles, daring them to try something. I backhanded the first one to move. The other two were dispatched with twin neck punches. Security led me out.

Needless to say, I am not allowed here anymore so I cannot recommend it.

My Favorite Yelp review:

My favorite BBQ joint - the review was **. The comment: I know this is bbq, but I wish they had some sort of vegan side at least. Wish there was steamed veggies. THE PERSON DIDNT EAT ANYTHING, and was a VEGAN at a BBQ joint.

Where is Stalin when you need him. He'd line these people up against a wall and have them shot.

I completely agree with the complaints about many of the Yelp reviews... and I'm actually a member of the Yelp Elite Squad - as if that means anything

Originally Posted by privateer

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My Favorite Yelp review:

My favorite BBQ joint - the review was **. The comment: I know this is bbq, but I wish they had some sort of vegan side at least. Wish there was steamed veggies. THE PERSON DIDNT EAT ANYTHING, and was a VEGAN at a BBQ joint.

Where is Stalin when you need him. He'd line these people up against a wall and have them shot.

LOL

flag that review

I use it on occasion to get a good map of restaurants in the area and use the pages for website/menu links. You can usually dig through the stupid **** to learn a little about place if you're smart about it.

But yea, i don't understand the people who are self professed "yelpers". I've only used it in one big batch and that was to review a bunch of gainesville spots for my sister and cousin who were going to UF that coming semester for college. They wanted to know some food places so i made a list or two of places for them on there. Figured it was easiest using yelp since it has maps and links and hours.

One thing you should know about Yelp is that, if you are a merchant, you can pay to have bad reviews suppressed or moved to the bottom of the page and to have good reviews bumped to the top. I.e, they are basically in the extortion business. http://www.eastbayexpress.com/eastba...nt?oid=1176635

Originally Posted by gomestar

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I ******* hate people who only eat at fine restaurants during restaurant week and then are too numb to realize they were given toned down food ordered en mass with the sole purpose of feeding the bridge and tunnel hoardes during restaurant week, yet still find the need to categorize a restaurant as "overrated" based on their discount meal.

"Cafe Bouloud was a huge disappointment. The beet and goat cheese salad appetizer, free range chicken breast entree, and vanilla creme brulee dessert I got during restaurant week were boring, I don't know how that place stays popular. We wont be returning."

That's pathetic. It always surprises me how much some people expect to get for $25 in one of the most expensive city in the world. I had actually went to Alto for restaurant week this past summer when I was interning in midtown and was actually pretty happy with what I got considering it was $25 for an appetizer, main, and dessert.

I have no really issues with yelp aside from those complaing about Elitism or Portion sizes.

Originally Posted by Saltricks

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This is my review for an Edwards Cinema by my house:

Awesome.

Originally Posted by Johnny_5

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That's pathetic. It always surprises me how much some people expect to get for $25 in one of the most expensive city in the world. I had actually went to Alto for restaurant week this past summer when I was interning in midtown and was actually pretty happy with what I got considering it was $25 for an appetizer, main, and dessert.

yes, often it's a good deal for lunch or dinner. However, I gather that you are well aware of the difference between your lunch and their regular tasting menu.

Damn right.

I like restaurant week (at least here in chicago)...

I am well aware that I might not be getting the same quality as the regular menu but it is still usually a good value for what you get, it lets me have deserts that I very rarely would order on my own, and I can usually talk people into going to places during restaurant week that they would be unwilling to go to any other time