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^Sorry to hear that, man. I hope it's going ok, although from reading your forgiveness thread, it looks like it was pretty harsh.
Fact of life. It's difficult not to choose sides, and people get prioritized over time. Hell- ex who I'm on good terms with and I have both lost a few over the last 3 days. A good friend of mine who used to be pretty good with her apparently keyed her car and egged her house the day after.Anyone ever get that nagging feeling that you lose some mutual friends during a breakup even if you weren't the one who did the breaking up?
Sounds like it was a crazy time, but I'm glad you're coming to terms with everything.
It sounds like you have your priorities straight and don't need the extra baggage of the ex. The less guilty feeling by being friends is something that I've seen done before, and it rarely works if that's the motivation.I'm still trying to decide if I actually want to be friends with my ex. Part of me wants to, because I enjoyed some of the time with her and it could help me move on, but part of me thinks it would just make things more difficult. When she broke up with me, she was very insensitive and unapologetic about it (a side of her that had caused me a fair amount of frustration), and it seemed like 'still being friends' was just a consolation perhaps so that she wouldn't feel so guilty?
I had a lot of questions that she refused to answer, probably because she is incapable of conveying her feelings, especially in tense situations. All in all, I don't think she's a mean person, but it would help if we could actually talk about it all. Until she comes to me wanting to do so, I've resigned to just get on with my life. It's something I have to do, especially considering that I have a young kid.
I understand the freakout and jettison thing all too well. If that's the case, she has her own **** to deal with and you'll just be dragged in by hanging around. While it's nice to have support, people, things, etc. can feel super cloying when doing the existential crisis thing. It's also easy to get angry and blame everyone/thing else for what's going wrong in your life, and to take out anger on them to make yourself feel better (ex: midlife crisis).I can kind of see things from my ex's perspective, but it still doesn't make the most sense. She's freaked out about her job (tenure-track university faculty) because it's borderline as to whether the contract for her job will be renewed for a couple more years next month. That, along with her generally pessimistic and uptight nature, I think caused her to jettison everything in her life that wasn't absolutely essential for survival. What I don't understand is why, if this is the most stressful time in her life, she'd want to go through it alone.
They may just be trying to avoid being dragged in. It may be worth dropping them a line and having a casual talk without bringing the topic up. Sure it'll be an elephant in the room, but it may be comforting to them to get that they aren't going to be involved.I think our mutual friends are all reasonable people, so I don't necessarily expect them to be vengeful. I'm just curious what they know about it at this point and haven't heard from a few close mutual friends. A few of our friends invited me on a Thanksgiving backpacking trip to the Grand Canyon, so I guess that's a good sign!
Internet therapy is where it's at. Modest amounts of privacy, people willing to call any bs, and it's all free.Anyway, I better stop rambling and get back to work before you all start charging me for your time reading all of my posts in this thread
Friendships with your exes immediately after a relationship ends never work. Trust me, they don't. Don't even attempt it. You may counter with that one couple you knew who managed it, but you're not them and you won't be. They're an abberation in the pattern and the universe will soon get it's **** together and crush them for flaunting it's will.
Thanks for the straight talk, guys. Nil- the only time it's 'worked' for me is with my ex wife. But, I made it work because we have a kid.
Friendships with your exes immediately after a relationship ends never work. Trust me, they don't. Don't even attempt it. You may counter with that one couple you knew who managed it, but you're not them and you won't be. They're an abberation in the pattern and the universe will soon get it's **** together and crush them for flaunting it's will.
do you delete the pictures of you together on fb?
do you delete the pictures of you together on fb?