1. And... we're back. You'll notice that all of your images are back as well, as are our beloved emoticons, including the infamous :foo: We have also worked with our server folks and developers to fix the issues that were slowing down the site.

    There is still work to be done - the images in existing sigs are not yet linked, for example, and we are working on a way to get the images to load faster - which will improve the performance of the site, especially on the pages with a ton of images, and we will continue to work diligently on that and keep you updated.

    Cheers,

    Fok on behalf of the entire Styleforum team
    Dismiss Notice

How would you deal with the "wannabee baller" friend?

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by Saltricks, Jul 26, 2010.

  1. MetroStyles

    MetroStyles Senior member

    Messages:
    15,831
    Joined:
    May 4, 2006
    Location:
    New York Shitty
    Sometimes I see the phone ring, with his picture on the caller ID and I just stare at the phone until it stops ringing.
    I hope you are fresh as you return his call.
     
  2. Xericx

    Xericx Senior member

    Messages:
    1,990
    Joined:
    May 24, 2008
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Let's start a fund to get him a white blond hooker provided we can film it (no homo).

    [​IMG]
     
  3. Saltricks

    Saltricks Senior member

    Messages:
    763
    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2010
    Location:
    Walnut, CA
    Let's start a fund to get him a white blond hooker provided we can film it (no homo).

    [​IMG]


    You'll like the next story.
     
  4. acidboy

    acidboy Senior member

    Messages:
    21,170
    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2006
    I wanna meet this guy when I get to SoCal.
     
  5. robertorex

    robertorex Senior member

    Messages:
    3,148
    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2008
    Location:
    Thoughts of Trains
    Let's start a fund to get him a white blond hooker provided we can film it (no homo).

    [​IMG]


    I would paypal five dollars to such a fund. Perhaps more if it was an elaborate ruse, having the escort pose as a hapless bird who incidentally happens to have yellow fever, and refers to tipping as "extortion"
     
  6. SkinnyGoomba

    SkinnyGoomba Senior member

    Messages:
    12,590
    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Location:
    Princeton, NJ
    I use AP quotes all the time [​IMG]

    Just the other day someone commented about their weight and I told them "you can always be thinner. Look better."

    They just agreed with me.
     
  7. CityHunter

    CityHunter Senior member

    Messages:
    1,545
    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2007
    Location:
    L.A., esse
    Does your friend spend a lot of time playing DDR?

    Arcade Infinity @ Diamond Plaza

    You should post the next time you guys plan to hang out so SFers in the area (like me) can observe him real life.

    I once had an ultra douche bag friend who had some incredible stories...but wow. I feel bad for you =(
     
  8. Saltricks

    Saltricks Senior member

    Messages:
    763
    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2010
    Location:
    Walnut, CA
    Arcade Infinity @ Diamond Plaza

    You should post the next time you guys plan to hang out so SFers in the area (like me) can observe him real life.

    I once had an ultra douche bag friend who had some incredible stories...but wow. I feel bad for you =(


    We should hold a dinner for schmucks/douchebags. We can wear RLPL tuxedos and each invite a "fool" to dinner. At the end we can give a prize to the biggest douchebag/schmuck.
     
  9. FidelCashflow

    FidelCashflow Senior member

    Messages:
    4,328
    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2007
    Location:
    Canada
    I haven't been on SF in awhile... but this threak is so epic it just pulled me back in. [​IMG] All rational logic has failed.... you need to use the following rap sayings on him. Scream them as loud as you can, repeat, and don't stop until he gives in: "CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF" "STAY IN YOUR LANE" "PLAY YOUR POSITION SMALL SOLDIER" "CUT THE NOISE" That is all.
     
  10. word

    word Senior member

    Messages:
    755
    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2009
    Location:
    North Carolina
    You need to take this guy out every weekend to gather enough material to start a blog about his shenanigans.
     
  11. tc6

    tc6 Senior member

    Messages:
    153
    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2009
    Location:
    New Jersey
    You need to take this guy out every weekend to gather enough material to start a blog about his shenanigans.

    Agreed. You might as well make some money off of him for all the troubles he's caused you
     
  12. impolyt_one

    impolyt_one Senior member

    Messages:
    14,457
    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2006
    Location:
    The Temple of Jawnz
    Fresh as you return with the next epic installment, Saltricks.
     
  13. Saltricks

    Saltricks Senior member

    Messages:
    763
    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2010
    Location:
    Walnut, CA
    Just a little tidbit before the next post:

    So yesterday, douchefriend posts a link on my facebook wall with a link to the AE Hyde Parks, which are patent leather.

    [​IMG]

    I say, yeah they look nice, but they will probably only work for tuxedos. He says that he wants to get a pair that he can wear with his baggy, 2 sizes too big black suit with skinny (black) tie. "Yeah," he said, "I can even wear them with my (ratty) true religions!". Out of the entire allen edmonds line, he somehow picks the most inappropriate choice for a second pair of shoes. You must agree that, regardless of your opinion of patent leather black shoes, these are NOT a good choice for a second pair of shoes (his first being stained Bruno Magli captoes). I'd show him this site to help him understand, but...well, there are certain reasons that make that not possible.
     
  14. Kyoung05

    Kyoung05 Senior member

    Messages:
    361
    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2009
    Just a little tidbit before the next post:

    So yesterday, douchefriend posts a link on my facebook wall with a link to the AE Hyde Parks, which are patent leather.

    [​IMG]

    I say, yeah they look nice, but they will probably only work for tuxedos. He says that he wants to get a pair that he can wear with his baggy, 2 sizes too big black suit with skinny (black) tie. "Yeah," he said, "I can even wear them with my (ratty) true religions!". Out of the entire allen edmonds line, he somehow picks the most inappropriate choice for a second pair of shoes. You must agree that, regardless of your opinion of patent leather black shoes, these are NOT a good choice for a second pair of shoes (his first being stained Bruno Magli captoes). I'd show him this site to help him understand, but...well, there are certain reasons that make that not possible.


    You should definitely tell him those would go PERFECTLY with his boot-cut True Religions, and let him wear that outfit the next time you guys go out. Seriously, though, why even bother trying to set him straight? I think it should be pretty obvious by now he's too far gone, and the only thing he's good for now is a few cheap laughs at his expense.
     
  15. Saltricks

    Saltricks Senior member

    Messages:
    763
    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2010
    Location:
    Walnut, CA
    You should definitely tell him those would go PERFECTLY with his boot-cut True Religions, and let him wear that outfit the next time you guys go out. Seriously, though, why even bother trying to set him straight? I think it should be pretty obvious by now he's too far gone, and the only thing he's good for now is a few cheap laughs at his expense.

    Hah, way ahead of you. I was trying to get him to wear 3 inch heels so he could "look taller". Sadly, I don't think he's buying it.

    Maybe I'll try to make him wear opera pumps casually.
     
  16. deadly7

    deadly7 Senior member

    Messages:
    3,145
    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2010
    ^^^^ this. definitely. Just work it in that "girls love asians that wear tall shoes" or something. He'll fall for it like a domino.
     
  17. Saltricks

    Saltricks Senior member

    Messages:
    763
    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2010
    Location:
    Walnut, CA
    Sex Life (Part One of Two) Now you may think that douchefriend is a virgin. He is not. Now that may be surprising to many of you, but when girls are running around with livestock and table lamps, I like to think that there may be some girls out there whose fetish is douchebags. I interviewed each of the girls personally (kind of gives you a hint of the girls’ personality if they are willing to disclose sexual history with someone who is basically a complete stranger). Acacia, the ravager of innocence Everyone has their first time, and it usually entails some awkward spooning, mangled bra wires, and wannabee tantric copulation that causes more pain than pleasure. Douchefriend’s first was with a sex addicted Latina named Acacia. Now, honestly, I think the girl is on some sort of amphetamine, and she has some mongoloid features (sloping forehead, the “simian crease” on her palm, labored breathing while walking), but otherwise she isn’t super ugly. She might even be considered cute in some third world countries, which to douchefriend, was good enough for him. They met at a frat party, where she was getting wasted faster than salad at Gabourey Sidibe’s house. She was giving a freshman a titty dance when their eyes met from across the room. She looked straight into his beady eyes and knew that she had to “devour him that night” (her words). So she went up to him and just started making out with him right there. He drove her back to his house, where he snuck back up stairs (his parents were sleeping) and undressed. Now not to be mean to Acacia, but the girl has a titanic ass. It’s seriously an obese persons butt, while the rest of her is normal. It’s like she sat on an exercise ball and it absorbed itself into her gluteal cheeks. So it must have been fun when she pounded on his member for what she says “must have been at least 3 hours”. She says that he must have passed out a few times, because he stopped grunting so much near the one hour mark. So the next day, I remember this clearly, he texts me in big bold fonts. I WIN THE BET MAN, I LOST MY VIRGINITY YESTERDAY. I guess he forgot that I had actually collected those winnings four years earlier in high school. I asked him for a picture and he just sent me a picture of her face, which sort of had this effect: [​IMG] So for whatever reason, they start dating. And she was a sex addict. She told me that they would have sex at least 9 times a week, sometimes 3 or more times in a night sometimes. I know you’re thinking, hey that’s not so bad, but just imagine a walrus trampolining on your pole for several hours and the picture gets much more bleak. She apparently ridiculed his sexual prowess, because he kept asking me for sex advice. He asked me if there was any drugs he could take that would help him keep it up and have more endurance. He did this while we were in the vitamin store, REALLY loud, so that the hot girls near him could hear. I don’t know why girls would want to hear that you are horrible in bed, but hey, he’s douchefriend. I told him to keep quiet and take some Ginko Biloba (first vitamin that I could think of). I didn’t actually think he would try it, but he called me a few weeks after and told me that I was a dumbass and that, if anything, Ginko Biloba made him worse in bed. His memory about his sexual “adventures” improved, however, and I was treated to his sickeningly detailed accounts of her “riding his face”. They seemed almost perfect for each other, in a amorphous blob meets lunatic type of way, even adopting a stuffed penguin named “Pengy”. Still waters run deep, however. The relationship began to break down, and I witnessed one of their “many” cultural disagreements. We were shopping at the mall, looking for a present for douchefriends secret santa. He wanted to get a 5 dollar gift card (the minimum gift was supposed to be 25 dollars) and some cheap Macy’s socks. But Acacia took offense to this and made him purchase a real present, a sweater at Abercrombie and fitch. This made douchefriend visibly mad and they yelled at each other, with me standing a few feet away, fidgeting awkwardly. She ended up walking home, her bowl of jelly bottom jiggling all the way up the escalator. I was treated to more complaining at his house, where he told his mom the whole story. Both him and his mother were angered and they ended up asking me for half an hour if I thought she was weird, even though I had said “yes” several times already. When me and my friend Ryan dropped off douchefriend at the airport (he was leaving for France for the summer) I asked him if he thought they would stay together. We looked on as we witnessed the most awkward, stiff, non-emotional goodbye kiss we had ever seen. It was like two mannequins touching lips. We had our answer. They broke up within a week. Pengy is now used to clean his toilet.
     
  18. KenN

    KenN Senior member

    Messages:
    591
    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2008
    Location:
    Canada
    JESUS [​IMG] Another whale-loving Asian.
     
  19. blackjack

    blackjack Senior member

    Messages:
    437
    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2006
    Is this the OP's friend?


    [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]

    Meet "Peter" - the unfriendly neighborhood Korean 'meathead' in KTown Cowboys . Probably because he was held back a year or two, this 29 year-old cell phone salesman choses to hang with friends who are a good 3 years younger than him. Despite always trying, this $30k millionaire rarely gets laid.
     
  20. Saltricks

    Saltricks Senior member

    Messages:
    763
    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2010
    Location:
    Walnut, CA
    JESUS [​IMG]

    Another whale-loving Asian.


    I mean she's not really a whale, just a "torso whale". It's weird, it's like she has a magnet for fat in her midsection, because she has these bony arms and small boobs but her midsection is just...I don't really want to think about it
     

Share This Page

Styleforum is proudly sponsored by