Nice guy's lament

Originally Posted by Faded501s

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I've found that the problem with most nice guys that have confidence is that they treat women as equals (tis was me a looonnnggg time ago). Women are not equals. Women want to serve a man and make him happy. Women need to be told what to do...it makes them feel secure and allows them to avoid responsibility for their actions.

Reminds me of a good line from As Good as It Gets. The chick in the publisher's office asks Jack how he writes women so well, and he responds "I imagine a man and strip away reason and accountability."

Here is what I have learned and observed:

Girls that turned down the "nice guys" for "assholes" do it because the guy who she saw as a "nice guy" was actually a tool who slobbered over her a bit too much (meaning a bit to eager to fall over himself looking after her when they hung out). The "asshole" managed to come off as a gentleman without giving her the impression he was too pressed about her (she knew he was interest, but wanted him to be MORE interested and wondered whether he was as interested in her as he was with other girls). This intrigued her, grabbed her attention and she left the "nice guy" behind because he didn't interest her.

Guys have to look at it like this: would you go after the "nice girl" who tripped over her feet after you or the "bad girl" who you wanted to fall over herself after you? Common sense I think. unfortunately I figured it out a bit late.

By the way - note that I never implied the asshole/bad ass is a rude prick with no style or manners.

depending on OP's age, if you're under 21 (which you prolly are since you're in college), why are you even looking for a "long term relationship"?

there's plenty of time for that in your mid 20s when you're more grounded in your thought processes....sure, you think you are now, but it's amazing how much people can and often do change from 21 to 25. Which is why so many relationships drift apart by then, you sort of reach a point where it's left or right, and if the gal doesnt choose to go in the same way you guys won't last in the long term.

I dont think women ever change in what they want, they just get better at seeing thru the BS. so the guy who has a false bravado and appealing to a 20 year old becomes transparent to a woman in her later 20s.

If there was ever a point where a woman just wants a "nice guy", it's probably in her 50s or 60s so OP better get his game a shot of adrenaline and quit just being "that nice guy"

Originally Posted by Faded501s

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I've found that the problem with most nice guys that have confidence is that they treat women as equals (tis was me a looonnnggg time ago). Women are not equals. Women want to serve a man and make him happy. Women need to be told what to do...it makes them feel secure and allows them to avoid responsibility for their actions.

I tried to tell my wife this, and she replied with "sounds like some dumb bullshit you read off the Internet." Then she gave me a black eye.

Originally Posted by JoelMichael37

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do nice girls end up becoming less psychotic/moody/irrational than the average woman?

you keep using the term "nice girls" like it was an arbitrary thing

not to point out the obvious, but people are complicated. And maybe one of the problems is you have a fixed notion of what it means to be a "nice girl" that isnt wholly realistic nor takes into account the complexities of a person's personality, upbringing, and all that other **** that makes us who we are

Originally Posted by Faded501s

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I've found that the problem with most nice guys that have confidence is that they treat women as equals (tis was me a looonnnggg time ago). Women are not equals. Women want to serve a man and make him happy. Women need to be told what to do...it makes them feel secure and allows them to avoid responsibility for their actions.

At first glance this appears to be misogynistic. However, it certainly has a grain of truth to it. Regardless of how liberated and independent a woman may claim to be, in my experience they all long to be secure and protected by a man. If you approach a relationship truly as a democracy, most women will view you as weak.

Originally Posted by Dedalus

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I tried to tell my wife this, and she replied with "sounds like some dumb bullshit you read off the Internet." Then she gave me a black eye.

And then, you asked, "What do you want for dinner?"

And she replied, "I don't care, you pick."

Which secretly means, "Actually I do care what we have for dinner, and you better pick something I want to eat without me telling you. But because you picked it, if I don't like it, made me sick or it's something that will make me feel fat or like I gained weight next month, then I can easily blame you instead of myself. Also, you should know all the things I like and dislike by now and if you don't, it means you don't care about me you insensitive jerk face! And if you don't pick, then I'll be annoyed while simultaneously ignoring my own hypocrisy that I didn't want to pick. Don't point it out to me though unless you want me to throw a fit and argue over nothing. By the way, I'm hungry, and when I'm hungry I make even less sense then usual when I argue with you. So just pick something already and be a man you stupid, spineless twat!"

you can still be a nice guy and not be a *****. girls don't like pussies.

girls like me because i'm a nice guy who isn't a *****.

Originally Posted by celery

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And then, you asked, "What do you want for dinner?"

And she replied, "I don't care, you pick."

Which secretly means...

So then I ordered pizza, and she proceeded to make a cuckold of me with the delivery boy as I fetched the lube for them.

Sounds like a kinky situation you've got going there dedalus.

Originally Posted by Dedalus

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I tried to tell my wife this, and she replied with "sounds like some dumb bullshit you read off the Internet." Then she gave me a black eye.

LOL.

Originally Posted by weeks

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At first glance this appears to be misogynistic. However, it certainly has a grain of truth to it. Regardless of how liberated and independent a woman may claim to be, in my experience they all long to be secure and protected by a man. If you approach a relationship truly as a democracy, most women will view you as weak.

Exactly. It's been a long time but the main point of this book was that the current generation of men are basically pussies. Our fathers pretty much relegated our raising to our mothers who ingrained all of this equality and political correctness in us and we ended losing our identities as men. Men have always been the earner and boss and on a biological level this has not changed.

This is not saying that you can't be a nice guy and try to make a woman happy. It's more saying that you are you and you are honest and you love yourself and the woman is lucky to be part of your life. It's more about being inflexible and saying "this is my life and I am inviting you along for the ride" as opposed to changing for the woman. It's as simple as saying "I love those burritos too but I'm going to order a pizza. Should I get half cheese for you?"

This should now go into Dumb Threads...

Originally Posted by gdl203

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This should now go into Dumb Threads...

All relationship advice given on sf is dumb thread material. I'm fually convinced that everyone in here learned about women from Howard Stern, porno and dating guides.

Originally Posted by Fuuma

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All relationship advice given on sf is dumb thread material. I'm fually convinced that everyone in here learned about women from Howard Stern, porno and dating guides.

I wonder if the advice given here in this particular thread is not simply too dumb for DT though... I can't help picturing the internet bad boys above as acne-plagued, greasy-hair geeks who only leave their room to haul their 60 lbs backpacks to science class...

....oh boy....i can say so much here. ... but itll all just be misunderstood. ...some of you dont get it.