• CALLING ON HOME SEWERS TO HELP HEALTHCARE WORKERS FIGHTING COVID-19

    The lack of proper masks, gowns, and eyewear equipment is making it difficult for health workers to do their work fighting the novel coronavirus. In a recent New York Times article, medical workers said they were worried about how they can both fight the coronavirus without imperiling themselves, as well as their loved ones when they go back home.

    If you are a home sewer, please consider helping my joining Hickey Freman Technical Vice President Jeffery Diduch in his effort to produce and deliver homemade gowns and masks to medical professionals in the greater Rochester, New York Area. Read about how you can help here

    Fok and the Styleforum Team.

  • STYLE. COMMUNITY. GREAT CLOTHING.

    Bored of counting likes on social networks? At Styleforum, you’ll find rousing discussions that go beyond strings of emojis.

    Click Here to join Styleforum's thousands of style enthusiasts today!

Nice guy's lament

Kohan

Senior Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2008
Messages
230
Reaction score
0
This is a question for the multitude of classy gents on this forum who also happen to be nice guys.

We've all, at one point or another, been tempted to commit some horribly destructive act upon watching the feminine objects of our desires walk off with some guy who is, gently speaking, an ass. Nice guys must all learn at some point that treating women like gold doesn't guarantee you anything beyond a "favorable mention" in their mental rolodex, but we stubborn/naiive/hopelessly romantic ones have a hard time changing our ways.

So here's my question: At what point in your lives did the nice girls you were attempting to woo realize that nice guys were actually worth their time and affection? Is it a sudden epiphany, or more of a gradual development?

Candid answers appreciated, obnoxious quips distinctly less so.

Thanks much,

JMC
 

Milhouse

Distinguished Member
Joined
May 11, 2007
Messages
2,059
Reaction score
1
Smart people adapt. That goes for both men and women. Women start figuring out that perhaps they may want something different. Men start figuring out how to attract the appropriate women. Women start learning to be receptive to advances from different men. So on and so forth. It is a big long process and I'm not sure there is really any clear point at which suddenly everything changes.

So, learn a lesson from this situation and move on.
 

Brad

Distinguished Member
Joined
Sep 19, 2006
Messages
2,297
Reaction score
3
nvm

edit: time to lay off the Two Hearted for the night.
 

Edward Appleby

Distinguished Member
Joined
Apr 18, 2005
Messages
3,245
Reaction score
5
I think the whole notion that girls like nice guys and fuck/date assholes is mistaking the symptom for the disease. What women are actually attracted to is confidence, I believe. It's just that assholes tend to be more confident, or at least to exhibit a practiced bravado that many women mistake for confidence.
 

Kohan

Senior Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2008
Messages
230
Reaction score
0
Confidence has never been a problem of mine--far from it. It's not a problem of attracting and charming girls at parties, but more of a difficulty with establishing a genuine relationship. Random hookups quickly lose their appeal if you're actually looking for something meaningful, but since I'm a college student I may just be screwed.
 

Kohan

Senior Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2008
Messages
230
Reaction score
0
browser error, make no mind.
 

Edward Appleby

Distinguished Member
Joined
Apr 18, 2005
Messages
3,245
Reaction score
5
Originally Posted by JoelMichael37
Confidence has never been a problem of mine--far from it. It's not a problem of attracting and charming girls at parties, but more of a difficulty with establishing a genuine relationship. Random hookups quickly lose their appeal if you're actually looking for something meaningful, but since I'm a college student I may just be screwed.

So do you have problems closing in general or just finding a long term relationship?
 

Kohan

Senior Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2008
Messages
230
Reaction score
0
Problem lies in establishing long-term relationships, which I know many girls my age aren't even looking for.

And it's been a day and a good sleep since said triggering incident, so I'm more level and move-on-able at this point. There's that 24 hour period when you just feel like crap, but now I'm moving on to other things in my head.

I am interested in people's experiences here, though. My uncle told me years ago that women really get a clue after their first horrendous break-up/divorce, but I'd really rather not wait until then.

And, as a follow-up to the general topic, do nice girls end up becoming less psychotic/moody/irrational than the average woman? I don't think I'd mind waiting longer to find a serious relationship if it landed me with a better half that doesn't go from sweet to sociopathic at the drop of a hat. Any correlation that you've found?
 

thinman

Distinguished Member
Joined
Jan 24, 2005
Messages
4,926
Reaction score
43
Originally Posted by Edward Appleby
I think the whole notion that girls like nice guys and fuck/date assholes is mistaking the symptom for the disease. What women are actually attracted to is confidence, I believe. It's just that assholes tend to be more confident, or at least to exhibit a practiced bravado that many women mistake for confidence.
I agree with the basic premise, but have a slightly different take on the situation. Girls who date assholes are not only attracted to confidence (more often feigned than real), they also want excitement in their lives and "bad boys" provide it. It happens because most of these girls lack self-esteem, so they put up with far more crap than anyone should and are unwilling to wait for a great guy, or sometimes even a decent guy, because they get an ego boost from being with an exciting, "confident" guy. I now take a close look at boyfriends and former boyfriends to judge a woman's self-esteem. I won't waste my time with someone who has a history of dating "bad boys" because women usually don't get over this until sometime in their 30's. By that time, they have a couple kids and assorted emotional baggage after being used and abused by the guys they found so exciting. Unfortunately, women with real self-esteem are rare in my life right now, but I'm still looking. Edit: The bottom line is, it's a numbers game and girls attracted to assholes are fundamentally flawed and aren't worth your time. You deserve better and your time is better spent looking elsewhere. Forget them and move on ASAP.
 

Renault78law

Distinguished Member
Joined
Jan 29, 2003
Messages
2,141
Reaction score
66
Why you guys always blaming the woman? Why don't you try to date a "nice girl"? The truth [probably is that] you don't want a "nice girl" anymore than an attractive woman wants a "nice guy".
 

Faded501s

Distinguished Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2007
Messages
1,264
Reaction score
4
I've found that the problem with most nice guys that have confidence is that they treat women as equals (tis was me a looonnnggg time ago). Women are not equals. Women want to serve a man and make him happy. Women need to be told what to do...it makes them feel secure and allows them to avoid responsibility for their actions.
 

gdl203

Purveyor of the Secret Sauce
Affiliate Vendor
Dubiously Honored
Joined
Jun 9, 2005
Messages
40,362
Reaction score
30,243
Originally Posted by JoelMichael37
So here's my question: At what point in your lives did the nice girls you were attempting to woo realize that nice guys were actually worth their time and affection? Is it a sudden epiphany, or more of a gradual development?
Generally happens in their mid-twenties
 

justsayno

Distinguished Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2008
Messages
1,845
Reaction score
105
whoah
Originally Posted by Faded501s
I've found that the problem with most nice guys that have confidence is that they treat women as equals (tis was me a looonnnggg time ago). Women are not equals. Women want to serve a man and make him happy. Women need to be told what to do...it makes them feel secure and allows them to avoid responsibility for their actions.
 

Styleforum is proudly sponsored by

Featured Sponsor

WHICH TYPE OF SNEAKERS WORK BEST ON A FIRST DATE?

  • Classic Leather Low-Top

  • Canvas Plimsoll

  • Leather Slip-On

  • Canvas Slip-On

  • Athletic Kicks

  • Leather High-Top


Results are only viewable after voting.

Related Threads

Forum statistics

Threads
435,895
Messages
9,367,517
Members
196,564
Latest member
robat19
Top