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Nice guy's lament

LA Guy

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Originally Posted by Fuuma
All relationship advice given on sf is dumb thread material. I'm fually convinced that everyone in here learned about women from Howard Stern, porno and dating guides.

The exact ratio of Stern to Porn to Dating Guides that informs individual members is what makes these threads interesting though. And occasionally, some dude draws heavily from "Chicken Soup for the Sensitive Soul".
 

eg1

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Originally Posted by celery
And then, you asked, "What do you want for dinner?"

And she replied, "I don't care, you pick."

Which secretly means, "Actually I do care what we have for dinner, and you better pick something I want to eat without me telling you. But because you picked it, if I don't like it, made me sick or it's something that will make me feel fat or like I gained weight next month, then I can easily blame you instead of myself. Also, you should know all the things I like and dislike by now and if you don't, it means you don't care about me you insensitive jerk face! And if you don't pick, then I'll be annoyed while simultaneously ignoring my own hypocrisy that I didn't want to pick. Don't point it out to me though unless you want me to throw a fit and argue over nothing. By the way, I'm hungry, and when I'm hungry I make even less sense then usual when I argue with you. So just pick something already and be a man you stupid, spineless twat!"


 

Kohan

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Okay, let's differentiate here between "nice" and "wuss".

I am a nice guy. I'm charming and polite, and I like doing things to help people that don't benefit myself. That does not, in any possible context, mean that I am a wuss. Being a romantic doesn't make you a sap.

To GS: The point of a serious relationship, at least for me at this point, isn't to find my soul mate, wife-to-be, whatever, but rather to develop a genuine connection with another human being--particularly a beautiful human being of the opposite sex. I go to a university that's chock-full of remarkable people, so when I meet a beautiful girl there's at least a decent chance that she's worth talking to. Why settle for meaningless sex (which inevitably gets old) when you can actually relate to somebody?

And age is a number, in my case a fairly meaningless one, and I refer to "nice girls" in lieu of a full psychological profile because that would be somewhat ridiculous. We're talking generally here.

Thanks to all of you who put up your personal insight, it helps us younger guys to learn from our elders' experiences. I tip my hat.

Okay to kill the thread now, if no one else wants/needs to have a say. Much Peace.

JMC
 

tagutcow

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Somehow, I think one of my pieces of creative composition from a few years back would be apropos here.

Caesar Millan: Dog Whisperer: ~SECRETS~
\t
I am a Caesar Millan: Dog Whisperer. No, I am not a dog trainer and I am
not a dog psychologist- nor for that matter will I channel your dear
Smooshie from the next world- I am a dog behaviorist. I guess I could help
you win blue ribbon for every golly-gee-whiz doggie stunt competition at
any county fair; I could, if I wanted to, but I don't.

But when your dog is behaving erratically, lunging at strangers, biting
at your heels when you try to leave the house, I blow in like a zephyr
from an exotic land, done up in a Gap shirt and bleached at the tips, and
lay down some science to correct the dog behavior problem at hand.

Tuesday's assignment: "Belle just mopes around the house all day. When
it's time for her walk, she refuses to budge," the woman sitting across
from me explains. Thousands of television viewers can see the way she
touches her hair when she talks to me, the way she stifles her nervous
laughter whenever I make a joke; this is apparent to everyone-- everyone
except her husband. You can bet your bottom dollar, the Caesar banged her.

Caesar doesn't doubt that when these uniformly barren dog women- whose
uniformly schlubby husbands apparently at one point tried going metro, but
never could never quite navigate their way back to either shore- first
receive the mailing informing them that National Geographic's Caesar
Millan will be visiting them, the very name plants a seed in their minds,
leaving them battling adulterous fantasies of wild mediterranean romance;
yet it is my porcelain, non-threatening asiatic features that disarms
them, leaves them... vulnerable. Let me let you in on a little secret
around here: the Caesar bangs all of the dog women.

I explain the basics to her: you must choke the dog's head upwards when
he is lagging behind and you must only show affection when the dog is in a
submissive state. My advice to these people is always the same: dog
problems come from dog unhappiness, and dog unhappiness comes not from
lack of accommodation but rather from lack of assertiveness. When you have
mastered the behavior of the dog, you are 90% to having mastered the
behavior of the woman?

Friday's assignment: The Gautier family and their Labrador retriever,
Sasha. Jeanne Gautier- a freshly menopausal little number- brings me and
my crew out back; tagging along behind us is her fat schlub of a husband
Troy who looks kind of like Edward Herrmann as a glassy-eyed acid
casualty. She points to her dog out in the yard, running around in circles
for minutes on end. "Our dog Sasha has a tail-chasing problem," she
explains.

"What a coincidence," I think secretly to myself, "so does the Caesar dog."
 

lance konami

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Originally Posted by JoelMichael37
This is a question for the multitude of classy gents on this forum who also happen to be nice guys.

We've all, at one point or another, been tempted to commit some horribly destructive act upon watching the feminine objects of our desires walk off with some guy who is, gently speaking, an ass. Nice guys must all learn at some point that treating women like gold doesn't guarantee you anything beyond a "favorable mention" in their mental rolodex, but we stubborn/naiive/hopelessly romantic ones have a hard time changing our ways.

So here's my question: At what point in your lives did the nice girls you were attempting to woo realize that nice guys were actually worth their time and affection? Is it a sudden epiphany, or more of a gradual development?

Candid answers appreciated, obnoxious quips distinctly less so.

Thanks much,

JMC


And now for the answer you don't want to hear...

Women never "learn" that so-called nice guys are "worth their time and affection" because they aren't worth their time and affection. Nice guys are spineless and extremely manipulative. "Treating a woman like gold" and kissing their ass and accommodating every ridiculous demand of theirs and basically never saying 'no' to them, like what most "nice guys" do is not nice. It's weak and manipulative and women know they are being manipulative because women do the exact same thing in order to get what they want from men. They see right through it. They recognize your so-called "nice" behavior as manipulative behavior on a deeper level.
 

odoreater

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TBH, you don't sound like a nice guy - you sound like you might be a bit of a douche.
 

lance konami

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Originally Posted by thinman
I agree with the basic premise, but have a slightly different take on the situation. Girls who date assholes are not only attracted to confidence (more often feigned than real), they also want excitement in their lives and "bad boys" provide it. It happens because most of these girls lack self-esteem, so they put up with far more crap than anyone should and are unwilling to wait for a great guy, or sometimes even a decent guy, because they get an ego boost from being with an exciting, "confident" guy. I now take a close look at boyfriends and former boyfriends to judge a woman's self-esteem. I won't waste my time with someone who has a history of dating "bad boys" because women usually don't get over this until sometime in their 30's. By that time, they have a couple kids and assorted emotional baggage after being used and abused by the guys they found so exciting. Unfortunately, women with real self-esteem are rare in my life right now, but I'm still looking. Edit: The bottom line is, it's a numbers game and girls attracted to assholes are fundamentally flawed and aren't worth your time. You deserve better and your time is better spent looking elsewhere. Forget them and move on ASAP.
Blaming women's attraction to bad boys on low self esteem is a very typical male answer. Of course, it's not true, but the explanation provides comfort to men who aren't "bad boys." If you think that women somehow stop being excited by bad boys as they get older, you're living in a delusion. They might pick a different type to settle down with, but they'll still find the bad boys attractive, and they'll still fantasize about them . Do you honestly think that Mr. Nice guy who's idea of adventure is a trip to Saks Fifth Avenue and lunch at the Ivy is going to really excite a woman more than the reckless badass who drives a loud motorcycle who's idea of adventure is a good hard fuck in a slightly public place with his girl? Please. There's a reason why romance novels feature a bold and perhaps dangerous man over a goody two shoes, church going Ned Flanders type. Most women have low self esteem primarily because they're taught that men don't really want to be with them. They're taught that they just want them for sex. There's a little bit more going on underneath it all to simply reduce it to "women who are attracted to assholes are fundamentally flawed and aren't worth your time" because most women, particularly American women are flawed. But so are men. It's true that there are women who only find bonafide assholes attractive, but most women are certainly attracted to "bad boys" or basically just men who are strong and provocative, not groveling, crying pussies.
 

gdl203

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How old are you Lance Konami?
 

Augusto86

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Originally Posted by lance konami
Blaming women's attraction to bad boys on low self esteem is a very typical male answer. Of course, it's not true, but the explanation provides comfort to men who aren't "bad boys." If you think that women somehow stop being excited by bad boys as they get older, you're living in a delusion. They might pick a different type to settle down with, but they'll still find the bad boys attractive, and they'll still fantasize about them . Do you honestly think that Mr. Nice guy who's idea of adventure is a trip to Saks Fifth Avenue and lunch at the Ivy is going to really excite a woman more than the reckless badass who drives a loud motorcycle who's idea of adventure is a good hard fuck in a slightly public place with his girl? Please. There's a reason why romance novels feature a bold and perhaps dangerous man over a goody two shoes, church going Ned Flanders type.

Most women have low self esteem primarily because they're taught that men don't really want to be with them. They're taught that they just want them for sex. There's a little bit more going on underneath it all to simply reduce it to "women who are attracted to assholes are fundamentally flawed and aren't worth your time" because most women, particularly American women are flawed. But so are men. It's true that there are women who only find bonafide assholes attractive, but most women are certainly attracted to "bad boys" or basically just men who are strong and provocative, not groveling, crying pussies.


What if you take them on your motorcycle to Saks and then fuck them in the bathroom of the Ivy?
 

Get Smart

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FWIW I think Lance makes some great points, even if his delivery is a bit brusque

to the OP....chicks don't change much over time so dont expect them to suddenly "open their eyes" and realize what a great guy you are.

somewhere out there are many girls who have a similar outlook as you and want an equivalent "nice guy", but you'll also find many of them want the same thing as you, just not *with you*
 

j

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Originally Posted by Augusto86
What if you take them on your motorcycle to Saks and then fuck them in the bathroom of the Ivy?
Wu-tang!
 

Thracozaag

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1. Sometimes, for once, everything seems to be going your way. This only means that there's something you're overlooking.

2. I'm beginning to think that love is nothing but pain we don't want to let go of, and desire nothing but suffering with a focal point and a silhouette.

3. Nice guys don't finish last- this would mean they're actually in the race.

4. You know when you look and look, and you find the right person for the right reason? You're the only one who thinks that.

5. Does love conquer all? No. Just you. And anything you happened to be feeling, hoping, or aspiring.
 

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