Roommates with a friend: General advice, etc.

[sonick]

So a friend and I are planning on moving out together in a few months, it will be both our first times out of the house and I was just looking for general advice on how to make things go as smoothly as possible.

We are hoping to find a 2 bedroom, 2 bath (a must) place about 850+ square feet. Most places come with 1 parking spot, so we decided that whoever gets the secondary bedroom will get the parking spot. If it comes with two spots, then the person with the master covers the TV/Internet bill each month additionally.

Besides that, what other arrangements, guidelines, rules etc. have you guys had in your experience that worked well with roommates? For example in terms of buying/using shared furnishings, TV use, etc.

Any other general advice, expectations, etc. would be nice to hear.

Thanks!

 

[Joffrey]

Discuss habits about cleaning and guests before you commit to moving in with each other. If one is a slob and the other is a neat freak you will have problems no matter how courteous you think you'll both be before the fact. If one is a hermit and the other goes out/has guests alot you will also have problems. So discuss how you'd intend to keep the public areas clean (alternate between dishes every week? set time out on weekends to both clean?), discuss rules about having friends/cumbuckets over (agree before any guests come over everytime? no later than 10PM Sunday through Thursday?).

I've been burned by a roommate not paying his rent so consider having one person on the lease that the other roommate pays rent to so if they fall behind they could move out and the space sublet (in my case, we were both on the lease and paid separately to the landlord so I had no idea when said roommate fell behind by 8 months).

Oh yeah, if you have any doubts/issues with this guy follow your gut and don't move in with him. Having a bad roommate experience is a quick way to lose a friend.

Have fun.

 

[CouttsClient]

Absolutely come to terms about who does what and when and be sure to get the actual terms in writing and signed. No exceptions

 

[xchen]

I moved in with someone I thought was a friend a few years ago and the experience was OK for a few months, but quickly turned for the worse and left a permanent bad taste in my mouth about sharing a place with someone.

He was OK about bills, but he never once cleaned anything. Not dishes, not his bedroom, not his bathroom. He ruined a lot of my furniture, and what was left I didn't even want to keep anymore. He actually hoarded garbage in his room and became a complete hermit. Midway through the lease I agreed to let his brother take the other room and while he did help with some of the cleaning, they would both stay up till all hours of the night shredding on guitars or playing FPS games loudly. It really got so depressing that I ended up just moving out 2 months early (2 year lease) and renting a room from a friend's cousin (that roommate experience was a dream come true).

Anyways, I'm not a neat freak by any means but since I literally lived in total filth and squalor I keep like 0 clutter around and live pretty clean. Live with my fiance now and she's an epic roommate.

 

[ter1413]

 

[sonick]

Thanks for the input so far, this is good stuff. Keep them coming!

Both of us are fairly similar in terms of friends (we hang out with the same group of mutual friends for the most part), cleanliness (as far as the 1 week I shared a hotel room and a tiny bathroom with him in Miami), and schedules.

Good call on the lease thing, didn't think of that. Also on the having the terms written out and signed (haha roommate agreement a la Big Bang Theory).

 

[xchen]

While it doesn't have to be as in depth as in the Big Bang Theory, I definitely echo the need for a detailed agreement, and if he doesn't hold up his end call him on it. And encourage him to call you on it if you weren't to hold up your end.

 

[ter1413]

the thing about having mutual friends is if someone comes by for him and he isn't there, they may feel that they can just hang with you....may or may not be beneficial(is a 6 pack involved!)

 

[Stazy]

study passiveaggressivenotes.com for material.

 

[Lafayette]

Originally Posted by Joffrey

Discuss habits about cleaning and guests before you commit to moving in with each other. If one is a slob and the other is a neat freak you will have problems no matter how courteous you think you'll both be before the fact. If one is a hermit and the other goes out/has guests alot you will also have problems. So discuss how you'd intend to keep the public areas clean (alternate between dishes every week? set time out on weekends to both clean?), discuss rules about having friends/cumbuckets over (agree before any guests come over everytime? no later than 10PM Sunday through Thursday?).

I've been burned by a roommate not paying his rent so consider having one person on the lease that the other roommate pays rent to so if they fall behind they could move out and the space sublet (in my case, we were both on the lease and paid separately to the landlord so I had no idea when said roommate fell behind by 8 months).

Oh yeah, if you have any doubts/issues with this guy follow your gut and don't move in with him. Having a bad roommate experience is a quick way to lose a friend.

Have fun.

+1 to everything here.

I've had roommates go into my room and use my computer when I was away (old OS version without a password). I didn't know it was going on until more drastic events had unfolded. See to it that the only way to access your computer is through a password. I really do want to trust people, but...

DO A BACKGROUND CHECK ON ANY POTENTIAL ROOMMATES BEFORE SIGNING A LEASE. I once failed to do this and ended up with a roommate that was a sex offender. 30 seconds of doing The Google would have saved me from that nightmare. You see, he was one of the creeps using my computer while I was out. Then the U.S. Marshalls stopped by with a warrant for his arrest. And that was when I found out he was a sex offender. (Yes, true story). You may think you know someone only to find out they have an arrest or two you aren't aware of.

Agree on what's acceptable drug and/or alcohol consumption. Legal and illegal. Do you have similar lifestyles? I once had a roommate that would leave the keys in the front door when he came home drunk. I got off the night shift and arrived home to see the apt. door wide open with his keys in it. He was passed out. Anyone could have helped themselves to all of my possessions. The passed out roommate thought it was kind of funny. I didn't share the sense of humor as I was the one that had stuff worth stealing. This happened more than once. Thus, ex-roommate. To his credit, this one was not a sex offender.

Man, I could go on for hours. Hope you're getting the idea.

And, most importantly, don't ever become roommates with a friend unless you're willing to one day have that person as an ex-friend. Seriously, sometimes it really does come down to that. I'm sure the other posters will fill you in on their experiences with friends becoming ex-friends through the roommate ordeal.

 

[darnelled]

If it's just for a few months, it should be fine if you already know those involved.

 

[marg]

my friends that became my college roomates are no longer my friends. we agreed to rules prior to moving in, and you can imagine my surprise when i was woken up by cops banging on our door at 630am during finals. i was lucky that i didn't get arrested with my dbag roomates. turns out they were selling weed to a UC, and one of the "rules" we agreed to was no weed. **** them.

make sure you are 100% sure that you know this person. an agreement isn't worth **** if he isn't planning on honoring it.

 

[ken]

What kind of friend is this?

If it's a friend you only see occasionally, then there's a reason you don't see him more often. Don't move in with him.

If it's a friend that would help you hide a dead hooker's body, then there's no need for formal agreements. You'll get along fine.

I speak from experience with both cases.

 

[jimmyfingers]

Damn, I have had a large number of roommates. I can honestly say that after living with a 'good friend' are relationship was never the same and usually ended up being for the worse. I have lived with a few 'good friends' and this holds true in every case.

I would start with legalities and food/fridge. Something as small as someone else eating your yogurts can create major tension. I also ended up in a fight after coming home from work to find my roommate and friend drinking my beer that I purposely put in their for myself and labeled.

Having mutual friends can be a good and bad thing.

Remember, everyone always claims to be a neat freak. Very few are

 

[CouttsClient]

The whole labeling of food/drink items seems silly to me.

If you can, pool the general food/drink budget and shop for groceries together. That should resolve the issue of what food belongs to each person.

Think of buying general food/drink for the house and if each person has special items the other person doesn't use then each of you can purchase those things separately. Fighting over beer should never happen with friends