globetrotter's mother in law August 2011 thread

[globetrotter]

Facebook posts this week - a little background, my wife, and hence my mother in law, are Colombian. I hate my MIL. My mother in law invited us down to visit her, with the understanding that I would pay for the tickets, and she would cover the cost of the rest of the trip. in the end, I got stiffed paying for the whole ******* thing, even though I didn't want to come to colombia and I certainly dind't want to travel with her. for the same cost, I could have taken my family to Thailand. we went to the coffee district, the area where they grow coffee in Colombia. Been with her for 5 days now. Here are my facebook posts for the week. enjoy!


• not quite a record, but made it 4 hours before the first blow up with the MIL. this is going to be a fun week!

• on the way to the coffee zone. the trotter family of 5, plus MIL. even in the 50's, detroit never made a car big enough

• me "thank you, this 3 foot by 3 foot plastic relief map of colombia is exactly what I meant when I asked for a map for the roadtrip, this will be very helpful" MIL "your welcome"

• ok, here is how americans register at a hotel; they hand over a credit card and get a key. here is how colombians do it - they stand out front for half an hour yelling ay yah yah at the top of their lungs and kissing everyone. or, at least, that is how my MIL does it

• it seems that both maps and the concept of directions are gringo plots aimed at retaking Colombia for the United Fruit company. the only way to get from point A to point B in Colombia, when traveling with my MIL is to stop every 5 minutes to ask directions, none of which include thw words 'left', 'right' 'straight' or any actual numbers, typical directions 'go that way for a while

• the last time such a grumpy anglo man had such a loud and annoying latina in his vehicle Charo was cruising with captain Stubbing

• it seems that colombian ladies of as certain class and age don't blow their noses, it is more ladylike to snort and sniffle

• found a solution to MIL double dipping her food is the sauces at the table. asked the waiter for my very own bowls of sauce, while giving somebody a dirty look. it is more effective than trying to get my MIL to stop double dipping.

• Colombia has been educational for the girls. their new game - A is the homeowner, and B is the cleaning lady. I am wondering who will be A's gardner.

• real honest to god directions from my hotel "drive into town, and ask a 'chino' (street urchin) for directions"

• ok. so how many freaking times does one have to tell an old woman not to take my kids up behind a horses rear legs? apparently, the only people who think that horses kick when you surprise them from behind are gringo hystericos.

• I got 3 cold wet shivering kids in need of a hot shower. I got an old lady who insists on being first in the shower. what I really need is a drink

• just under 100 countries in 20 years of business travel. never woke up in the middle of the night vomiting before. never traveled with anybody that insists that bottled water is an insult to Colombia, or who refuses to cover her mouth when she coughs and sneezes, or who won't stop sticking her fingers and utensils in other people's food. I do not hold with coincidence.

• ok, so the **** hit the fan today. while I have been using Facebook to cut my stress during the time with MIL, in the interest of my wife I think the feed will die off for a while. for the record, I wasn't involved in the whole ****/fan situation
• so close, so close. MIL f***** up so big time this week I thought that it was all over. but, alas, blood is thicker and all that, and after some groveling and forgiving, I am stuck for a few more days in my own private hell. such is life.

• visiting the coffee district with my MIL is a lot like having root canal in Copenhagen, with all the pain and suffering, yelling, spittle and explosive noises, I am sure that I could have enjoyed it more.

• people are wondering how to picture my MIL. a mix of stereotype of *** and movie bandit. picture Ellie Wallach in expensive designer jewelry and a good blond/red hairdo, stamping her feet and yelling " but I Want a Pony! ayayayayayayaya!!!!"

• of course, one can't overlook the Colombian generosity. my MIL feel it is her patriotic duty to share gringo money with as many Colombians as possible - she spends her days trying to get me to tip everyone we come into contact with, from gas station attendants to random people walking by the side of the road

• hey, my MIL actaully said "please-thanksyou" today. all one word. less a foreign word than a foreign concept. sort of like watching one of those elephants at the circus paint a painting.

• for all the wonderful and diverse birds in Colombia, my MIL can't figure out why she never sees any. maybe the whole walking through life screaming at the top of her lungs might have something to do with it?

• spent 12 hours in the car across rough mountain roads with my MIL today, yattering in the backseat. how many of YOU know ALL the words to Springstien's "Sherry Baby"?

• Colombia has done wonders in social engineering. while most countries worry about shifting the rural poor to cities and creating slums, Colombia has successfully shifted slums to the countryside, allowing the rural poor to pack into cramped quarters and still enjoy the wodnerful view with their crime and filth.

• the best Colombian food is, essentially, what you would get in a mediocre mexican cafe - unseasoned beans and rice. the difference is that the law in Colombia is that when two Colombians eat together they have to yell at the top of their ungs "delicioso, Divino, the gringos have nothing this good"! for 15 minutes before they tuck in
•

 

[willpower]

I liked her until I got to the double dipping part.

 

[indesertum]

you dont like to double dip with family?

that post made my head hurt. makes me want to interview the mother in law before deciding on potential candidates

 

[Gus]

..

 

[Rambo]

ay yay yay

 

[acidboy]

I am acidboy, and I approve of this thread.

 

[Pliny]

Great Joan Rivers bit at the Toronto Comedy Festival:

[Rivers pacing up and down the stage, in a state]:
'I think I may have made a mistake - I dunno, what should I do? I've just come from Florida - had to get down there quick to bury my MIL.
Should I have waited til she was dead?'

 

[GQgeek]

Globe, where else are you going? Would be cool to meet up if we're in the same general area at any point. I'm in Colombia now.

I wouldn't peg all colombianos as similar to your MIL. It's definitely a different sort of place though. Some of the things down here are weird. I went to buy a charger for my iphone at the mac store yesterday and they wanted to see my passport bc i was paying with amex. I was thinking "wtf it's just a stupid charger, not a computer?" It took almost 20 minutes to pay. It's almost like some places don't want you to buy their products. I should probably have a photocopy of it but i didn't get around to it before leaving. I had another photo id with my pic on it though.

I haven't gotten sick from food or bugs in the water yet but i'm getting over a cold that i think i caught on the plane down. I haven't been too careful. I've had salads and ice and juice but most of the places i've been are pretty nice relative to colombian standards. I think that protecting yourself against getting sick is pretty much a crapshoot. When i was in peru, i was much more careful, and the place i got violently ill at was a 5 star hotel that cost $600/night and catered to nothing but tourists (near machu picchu). I vomited more in a 30 hour period than at any other time in my life (over 20 times). I got sick at a couple other places on that trip too, but not nearly as badly. Hopefully i'm not jynxing myself.

I haven't had the same experience as you re: dining out. The food is pretty unimpressive, though I do like empanadas. They REALLY don't know how to cook a piece of meat down here. The focus of restaurants seems to be more on international food, but the standards compared to what i'm used to are way lower. That said, so are the prices, so meh... There's a food festival in Barranquilla that i'm going to check out so maybe i'll get a better idea...

My experience ordering a steak in a restaurant that's primarily fish/seafood (though this would happen anywhere).
me: "I'll have a steak"
waiter: "how do you want it finished?"
me: "medium rare"
waiter: "ok so medium?"
me. "no. medium rare"
waiter: "ok medium."
me: "no. medium rare."
... 5 more times
waiter: "ok, medium rare."


I was surprised when the steak came and it actually WAS medium rare.

 

[Piobaire]

GT, you know the difference between outlaws and in-laws? Outlaws are wanted.

 

[FLMountainMan]

I love Colombia. It does take a thick skin and an abundance of good humor/patience though.....and you better like arepas and pizza with all kinds of weird **** on it.

Another thing I found funny, and have since learned this is almost universal in Latin America is the casual reference to black people as "negritos" or "negros". I loved two black friends of ex-GF's mom walking in and her saying to them "Oh look, the negritos are here"

 

[indesertum]



GT, you know the difference between outlaws and in-laws? Outlaws are wanted.

bahahahaha

 

[deadly7]



you dont like to double dip with family?

This was also going through my head.

 

[globetrotter]



Globe, where else are you going? Would be cool to meet up if we're in the same general area at any point. I'm in Colombia now.

I wouldn't peg all colombianos as similar to your MIL. It's definitely a different sort of place though. Some of the things down here are weird. I went to buy a charger for my iphone at the mac store yesterday and they wanted to see my passport bc i was paying with amex. I was thinking "wtf it's just a stupid charger, not a computer?" It took almost 20 minutes to pay. It's almost like some places don't want you to buy their products. I should probably have a photocopy of it but i didn't get around to it before leaving. I had another photo id with my pic on it though.

I haven't gotten sick from food or bugs in the water yet but i'm getting over a cold that i think i caught on the plane down. I haven't been too careful. I've had salads and ice and juice but most of the places i've been are pretty nice relative to colombian standards. I think that protecting yourself against getting sick is pretty much a crapshoot. When i was in peru, i was much more careful, and the place i got violently ill at was a 5 star hotel that cost $600/night and catered to nothing but tourists (near machu picchu). I vomited more in a 30 hour period than at any other time in my life (over 20 times). I got sick at a couple other places on that trip too, but not nearly as badly. Hopefully i'm not jynxing myself.

I haven't had the same experience as you re: dining out. The food is pretty unimpressive, though I do like empanadas. They REALLY don't know how to cook a piece of meat down here. The focus of restaurants seems to be more on international food, but the standards compared to what i'm used to are way lower. That said, so are the prices, so meh... There's a food festival in Barranquilla that i'm going to check out so maybe i'll get a better idea...

My experience ordering a steak in a restaurant that's primarily fish/seafood (though this would happen anywhere).
me: "I'll have a steak"
waiter: "how do you want it finished?"
me: "medium rare"
waiter: "ok so medium?"
me. "no. medium rare"
waiter: "ok medium."
me: "no. medium rare."
... 5 more times
waiter: "ok, medium rare."


I was surprised when the steak came and it actually WAS medium rare.

hey, I'm in Bogota now, where are you? happy to see you if you are around

actually, I like a lot of stuff about Colombia, and I'd even recomend the coffee district, I'm just a little sick of my MIL right now. and, the big proplem has been that my mother in law has no idea of how to set expectations - we went to a few pretty mediocre places in the coffee district, but they were cool enough. but my MIL spent so much time trying to build up how superlative they are. and, as a matter of fact, I like the food well enough, too - espectially the fruit juice and the basics. but, again, a week of eating the same thing over and oever again has bored me.

 

[globetrotter]



This was also going through my head.

I can deal with family. my MIL was sick this week, and she was sniffling and sneezing and wiping her nose on her sleeve, and when she sneezes and coughs she refuses to cover her mouth. and, she doens't wash her hands after using the bathroom. so, I wouldn't mind it if she was healthy, but because she is a festering pile of germs it pisses me off.

 

[GQgeek]

Ah, I'm on the coast right now. I take it if you're in Bogota now you're on your way out of the country?