Getting married! Seeking advice on attire.

[gdl203]

Congrats.

I agree with the general opinion: matching boutonniere at most; definitely not matching tie, square, suit or whatever else

I also understand your choice of not wearing a tuxedo. Too regimented and formal, not nearly warm and intimate enough for a wedding IMO. I would have never wanted to get married in a tuxedo

 

[MrDaniels]

I guess I am going to be the lone voice of dissent here...

1) Is your bride-to-be wearing a formal gown? Then you should be in formalwear as well. If she is wearing a cocktail dress then a business suit is appropriate.

2) Are all of the bridesmaids wearing individual, informal dresses? Then put all the groomsmen in suits. Are they all wearing matching formal gowns? The the groomsmen should all wear (essentially) matching formalwear.

A big, to-do formal wedding (not counting City Hall) is not an everyday occurance. It is the one time the bride and groom get to dress like nobility. This is why so much is spent on photographs and the wedding album is so treasured. The cue for dress for the entire event, from wedding party to guests begins with the locale and bride's dress. A business suit looks as inappropriate when the bride is wearing a elaborate gown in a huge cathedral as much as white tie and tails would look inappropriate when the wedding is on a beach and the bride is wearing a hemp sundress with sunflowers in her hair.

The men here take their clothing seriously and that is why the individuality is prized-but the fact is Emily Post and Miss Manners would agree with me.

 

[LabelKing]

If you do go with boutonnieres, do not go with the florist's advice which is inevitably going to be some hideous concoction of baby's breath, replete with a safety pin.

 

[TheFoo]

Originally Posted by LabelKing

If you do go with boutonnieres, do not go with the florist's advice which is inevitably going to be some hideous concoction of baby's breath, replete with a safety pin.

Any recommendations? I assume a single flower of some sort will be the most tasteful.

 

[TheFoo]

Originally Posted by MrDaniels

I guess I am going to be the lone voice of dissent here...

1) Is your bride-to-be wearing a formal gown? Then you should be in formalwear as well. If she is wearing a cocktail dress then a business suit is appropriate.

She hasn't picked a dress yet, but it probably won't be anything over-the-top. Anyway, she also doesn't like tuxedos, so that's pretty much the bottomline.

2) Are all of the bridesmaids wearing individual, informal dresses? Then put all the groomsmen in suits. Are they all wearing matching formal gowns? The the groomsmen should all wear (essentially) matching formalwear.

The dresses will match (at least in color), but they will likely be more like cocktail dresses.

A business suit looks as inappropriate when the bride is wearing a elaborate gown in a huge cathedral as much as white tie and tails would look inappropriate when the wedding is on a beach and the bride is wearing a hemp sundress with sunflowers in her hair.

The men here take their clothing seriously and that is why the individuality is prized-but the fact is Emily Post and Miss Manners would agree with me.

Thanks for the dissenting opinion; it's good to have something to think about. However, our wedding is going to be as elegantly low-key as we can muster. We're trying to keep the guests down to about 60, and the ceremony will probably be in a garden of some sort.

I understand your point about this being a special occasion deserving of the most elegant dress. But from our point of view, tuxedos are the unquestioned norm at weddings and people often wear them because it makes them feel fancy, not necessarily because it's more elegant. Wouldn't the event be more elegant if we do not appear to be trying so hard? I don't mean I don't want to dress my best, but subtlety is key.

At any rate, if the groom's party goes black tie, I'd request the same of everyone else at the wedding. I hate the idea of marching up the aisle as if we were pageant contestants or very self-important waiters.

 

[TheFoo]

Originally Posted by gdl203

Congrats.

I agree with the general opinion: matching boutonniere at most; definitely not matching tie, square, suit or whatever else

I also understand your choice of not wearing a tuxedo. Too regimented and formal, not nearly warm and intimate enough for a wedding IMO. I would have never wanted to get married in a tuxedo

Thanks. We don't want it to feel like we're putting on a show. However, I have to admit, I'm a little concerned because some of my groomsmen hate wearing suits. It will be interesting to see what everyone comes up with. But at the end, I picked them, not their clothes.

 

[MrDaniels]

Originally Posted by mafoofan

She hasn't picked a dress yet, but it probably won't be anything over-the-top. Anyway, she also doesn't like tuxedos, so that's pretty much the bottomline.



The dresses will match (at least in color), but they will likely be more like cocktail dresses.



Thanks for the dissenting opinion; it's good to have something to think about. However, our wedding is going to be as elegantly low-key as we can muster. We're trying to keep the guests down to about 60, and the ceremony will probably be in a garden of some sort.

I understand your point about this being a special occasion deserving of the most elegant dress. But from our point of view, tuxedos are the unquestioned norm at weddings and people often wear them because it makes them feel fancy, not necessarily because it's more elegant. Wouldn't the event be more elegant if we do not appear to be trying so hard? I don't mean I don't want to dress my best, but subtlety is key.

At any rate, if the groom's party goes black tie, I'd request the same of everyone else at the wedding. I hate the idea of marching up the aisle as if we were pageant contestants or very self-important waiters.

From what you describe, it sounds like you are on the right track. 60 people in a garden and low-key means you can make up your own rules. Have fun!

 

[nioh]

Congratulations!

I agree with the overall sentiment of previous posts, try to keep the idea of matching sets to a minimum. I definitely think you should get a white shirt, light blue would come off a bit too daily as Iirc that's what you wear usually. If you're worried about the look of your groomsmen or their comfortableness in a suit, why don't you take them out shopping to make sure you get what you want whilst also making sure they are comfortable enough to look their best?

 

[TheFoo]

Originally Posted by nioh

If you're worried about the look of your groomsmen or their comfortableness in a suit, why don't you take them out shopping to make sure you get what you want whilst also making sure they are comfortable enough to look their best?

Ha, these are the kinds of guys that squirm with equal parts unease and disdain at the mention of 'shopping'. My best men have asked me what color to look for, but beyond general guidance on that matter, I don't want to pick out such an expensive thing for them.

 

[philosophe]

Congratulations! A small wedding in a garden sounds wonderful.

Like the other posters, I'd recommend against too much matching.

Re flowers, pick something simple and perhaps seasonal.

 

[Beckwith]

Originally Posted by MrDaniels

I guess I am going to be the lone voice of dissent here...

1) Is your bride-to-be wearing a formal gown? Then you should be in formalwear as well. If she is wearing a cocktail dress then a business suit is appropriate.

2) Are all of the bridesmaids wearing individual, informal dresses? Then put all the groomsmen in suits. Are they all wearing matching formal gowns? The the groomsmen should all wear (essentially) matching formalwear.

A big, to-do formal wedding (not counting City Hall) is not an everyday occurance. It is the one time the bride and groom get to dress like nobility. This is why so much is spent on photographs and the wedding album is so treasured. The cue for dress for the entire event, from wedding party to guests begins with the locale and bride's dress. A business suit looks as inappropriate when the bride is wearing a elaborate gown in a huge cathedral as much as white tie and tails would look inappropriate when the wedding is on a beach and the bride is wearing a hemp sundress with sunflowers in her hair.

The men here take their clothing seriously and that is why the individuality is prized-but the fact is Emily Post and Miss Manners would agree with me.

+1

I would think the pictures would look rather silly with the groomsman wearing different colors. Wearing tuxes takes the guess work out of it for the groomsman. I can't imagine what pictures or the alter will look like with people wearing different suits and shirts, somewhat unorganized. that is my $0.02

 

[gdl203]

Originally Posted by Beckwith

I would think the pictures would look rather silly with the groomsman wearing different colors.
I think a garden wedding with people in tuxedos looks far more silly

 

[Beckwith]

Originally Posted by gdl203

I think a garden wedding with people in tuxedos looks far more silly

my bad! before I realized it was a garden wedding...carry on...

 

[Virginia Dandy]

Originally Posted by mafoofan

Any recommendations? I assume a single flower of some sort will be the most tasteful.

I thought the blue thistle boutonniere I saw at a wedding recently was very smart.

 

[TheFoo]

Originally Posted by Beckwith

+1

I would think the pictures would look rather silly with the groomsman wearing different colors. Wearing tuxes takes the guess work out of it for the groomsman.

This seems to be everyone's concern, including the groomsmen, the maid of honor, the parents, etc. My fiance and I, however, think it will be fine.

I am, however, considering instituting some form of mild regulation--no black suits, no bright colored shirts, etc. Ideally, there will be an organic distribution of suit colors (hopefully, we all don't show up in some shade of charcoal).