I broke up with my gf (general breakup thread)

Originally Posted by MarkI

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Not making that call, I have really told myself I wont, and i'm not going too. Gonna take a shower, drink a beer, read a book and go to bed. Though, no one has provided much insight on this... Do you guys think, that since I was so adamant about telling her that I will cut off all contact with her, in the event of a split, thats keeping her from trying to get in touch with me? I feel like I kind of fucked myself in that way.
Dude, if she really wants to get in contact with you and is fretting over whether she'd **** things up by going against your wishes and contacting you anyway, then you have nothing to worry about. That was the goal in the first place no? Edit: the only way that yall getting back together wouldn't be delaying the inevitable is if she's as invested and committed to this as you are. You know how you feel right now? She needs to be feeling that too. We both know that what you're feeling isn't going to disappear quickly. If she's realized that she made a colossal mistake and just lost the guy that she wants to marry, then you don't have to worry about her suddenly disappearing.

Originally Posted by MarkI

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Do you guys think, that since I was so adamant about telling her that I will cut off all contact with her, in the event of a split, that's keeping her from trying to get in touch with me? I feel like I kind of fucked myself in that way.

As HgaleK said, that was the point. If she feels free to simply "get in touch," she'll drag this thing out for as long as it suits her without ever 1) committing, or 2) telling you why she won't. Until she's ready to explain to you what the problem is so the two of you can address it together (if possible), you really have nothing to talk about.

That leaves sex, which you (and she) can get elsewhere. If she doesn't want you to move on, she has to seriously step up, not just pull on your leash.

******** things up so bad.

She calls me last night at like 1 in the morning, I tell myself I shouldnt answer, dont do it, I **********.

Me: Hello
Girl: Hi...i'm suprised you picked up.
Me: I'm suprised I picked up too, how are you?
Girl: I'm ok, I can't sleep...
Me: Me neither, you should come over..
Girl: Ok...

She calls back like 5 minutes later, and this is where I ******* fucked up, she says that she changed her mind, and isnt going to come. I should have just said ok, ******* whatever. But instead my emotions got the best of me and I start ranting and raving and saying thats so fucked up.

This went on for like 20 minutes, at which point she said shes going to come, but only because she feels forced, and is doing it for me.

She gets here, she just wants to go to sleep. I end up talking a lot, mistake.

In the morning, she wakes up late, misses both her classes, and is late for work. I just felt like ****, and woke up early and called out of work.

It ended with her being pissed at me, me doing the whole we should get back together shpeil, then she went crazy, and really started yelling at me, at which point I called her a peice of ****, and a liar, and told her i'm through with all of this.

I think I can safely say she wont try to call me again now.

I am such an idiot, sometimes I really ******* hate myself.

Ughsdgasdgd, could have played that so much differently.

It's weird though, because before **** hit the fan I was like, "we talked about marriage!" and she says, "we could still get married..."

she really confuses the **** out of me, she doesnt know what she wants. she obviously wants me in her life, but she says she cant be in a relationship. i dont get it, i really just need to move on. chalk this one up as a huge learning experience, and yeah...

you're not an idiot. it happens. don't beat yourself up. it's happened to the best of us.

and.. i hate to keep saying it again.. but even after that it's probably STILL not over.

she'll call you. but this time, it's up to you if you want to answer - you've been down this road once, do you want to do it again?

Originally Posted by Teger

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you're not an idiot. it happens. don't beat yourself up. it's happened to the best of us.

and.. i hate to keep saying it again.. but even after that it's probably STILL not over.

she'll call you. but this time, it's up to you if you want to answer - you've been down this road once, do you want to do it again?

Absolutely not. Not going to answer this time.

progress.

now, if you want, it can be over.

Originally Posted by MarkI

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******** things up so bad.

She calls me last night at like 1 in the morning, I tell myself I shouldnt answer, dont do it, I **********.

Me: Hello
Girl: Hi...i'm suprised you picked up.
Me: I'm suprised I picked up too, how are you?
Girl: I'm ok, I can't sleep...
Me: Me neither, you should come over..
Girl: Ok...

She calls back like 5 minutes later, and this is where I ******* fucked up, she says that she changed her mind, and isnt going to come. I should have just said ok, ******* whatever. But instead my emotions got the best of me and I start ranting and raving and saying thats so fucked up.

This went on for like 20 minutes, at which point she said shes going to come, but only because she feels forced, and is doing it for me.

She gets here, she just wants to go to sleep. I end up talking a lot, mistake.

In the morning, she wakes up late, misses both her classes, and is late for work. I just felt like ****, and woke up early and called out of work.

It ended with her being pissed at me, me doing the whole we should get back together shpeil, then she went crazy, and really started yelling at me, at which point I called her a peice of ****, and a liar, and told her i'm through with all of this.

I think I can safely say she wont try to call me again now.

I am such an idiot, sometimes I really ******* hate myself.

Ugh reading this makes me

Learn from this my man. Hang in there.

yo pretty please with my self tho, called it bitches.

not gonna judge you tho bro. whatev makes you happy.

Mark, you dipshit.

Not that we all haven't done the same, or close to the same before, but you dipshit.

kyle answer my AIM!!

Originally Posted by Teger

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kyle answer my AIM!!

uhhh... send one and i will

Originally Posted by MarkI

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Absolutely not. Not going to answer this time.

Good for you my man. I was actually going to mention yesterday that it seems to take a major fuckup for most of us to really get the importance of not giving in this situation. In my case it took hindsight after I called it proper quits because I didn't get it the first several times. Don't be that guy.

I would actually like to sit down with her, and properly part ways though?

Or is that a bad idea?

I mean at this point, both of us have done our share of **** ups. Unfortunately this thing is dead, would asking her out to dinner, not complicating things, just having a conversation and parting ways be a bad idea? Should I just leave it at this?

Originally Posted by MarkI

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I would actually like to sit down with her, and properly part ways though?

Or is that a bad idea?

I mean at this point, both of us have done our share of **** ups. Unfortunately this thing is dead, would asking her out to dinner, not complicating things, just having a conversation and parting ways be a bad idea? Should I just leave it at this?

^Consider it in light of the phone call. The phone call was exactly what you wanted. You had the game plan. It was a single thing. Don't pick up. **** happens dude, and that wasn't even while engaging her in person.

You're probably going to get sentimental and try to apologize for being an ass so that you can leave like a gentleman or feeling that you preserved what you could of what was once a great relationship. From there it may end at that, or it snowballs and you're begging for forgiveness and then calling her an ungrateful ****. It's probably not dead either. My ex and I did some variation of this for almost a month. It took betwen 1 and 5 days before it would peak, drop off, escalate, and then explode. Rinse and repeat.

If you insist on meeting her again, don't do it at dinner. It'll be uncomfortable, the conversation will end long before dinner is finished, and you may have to deal with the embarrassment of her going off on you in public or walking out on you. Meet somewhere that allows you to get up and leave at any time with dignity.

I wouldn't meet with her. You lost your dignity once, and you aren't getting it back. Hold on to the rest of it by doing what you said you were going to do. My ex would call after a day or two of whatever fight we had. Yours may do the same. Don't pick up. Looking back, I wish I'd done this. It would have saved me so many problems. It also gives you more control of the situation than any other option.