I broke up with my gf (general breakup thread)

[fuji]

Crazy girl only really has 1 friend. I told her about it and she went ******* mental at me. She's a mutual friend and was complaining I don't care enough about her and that crazy girl won't kill herself and I should stop worrying even though she's tried it before . Crazy girl called me today saying she wanted to hurt herself again so I had to go see her and calm her down. She's going to therapy again and taking medication. I guess I can't just leave her this easily, its too much ******* drama.

 

[MarkI]

Originally Posted by HgaleK

^Consider it in light of the phone call. The phone call was exactly what you wanted. You had the game plan. It was a single thing. Don't pick up. **** happens dude, and that wasn't even while engaging her in person.

You're probably going to get sentimental and try to apologize for being an ass so that you can leave like a gentleman or feeling that you preserved what you could of what was once a great relationship. From there it may end at that, or it snowballs and you're begging for forgiveness and then calling her an ungrateful ****. It's probably not dead either. My ex and I did some variation of this for almost a month. It took betwen 1 and 5 days before it would peak, drop off, escalate, and then explode. Rinse and repeat.

If you insist on meeting her again, don't do it at dinner. It'll be uncomfortable, the conversation will end long before dinner is finished, and you may have to deal with the embarrassment of her going off on you in public or walking out on you. Meet somewhere that allows you to get up and leave at any time with dignity.

I wouldn't meet with her. You lost your dignity once, and you aren't getting it back. Hold on to the rest of it by doing what you said you were going to do. My ex would call after a day or two of whatever fight we had. Yours may do the same. Don't pick up. Looking back, I wish I'd done this. It would have saved me so many problems. It also gives you more control of the situation than any other option.
Word, im just going to move on. I regret picking up that phone, I was doing fine for those two days, and I just completely fucked up my progress with all this ****, takes me back to square 1. At the very least, it was only two days, and not like a month

 

[kipper]

Originally Posted by MarkI

Word, im just going to move on. I regret picking up that phone, I was doing fine for those two days, and I just completely fucked up my progress with all this ****, takes me back to square 1. At the very least, it was only two days, and not like a month

As others have said: it's probably not over. After what just happened it may be just starting. Understand this and see it for what it is if that's the case. I wouldn't regret picking up the phone. You were going to make this mistake at some point in your life, and you happened to do it in a relationship that doesn't look like it's worth salvaging. This is an important lesson.

I think you should move on. Not because you fucked up, but because the relationship is fucked. Most mistakes in life aren't impossible to fix. This situation isn't the result of a single mistake. You aren't at square one. You weren't at square one to begin with. This happens when you're in the negatives. Something happened and you've been stepping backward for quite some time now or she's been moving forward while you've been stuck in place. When this all over it will be a good idea to look at the last six to eight months and examine any changes in your behavior.

 

[MarkI]

Originally Posted by kipper

As others have said: it's probably not over. After what just happened it may be just starting. Understand this and see it for what it is if that's the case. I wouldn't regret picking up the phone. You were going to make this mistake at some point in your life, and you happened to do it in a relationship that doesn't look like it's worth salvaging. This is an important lesson.

I think you should move on. Not because you fucked up, but because the relationship is fucked. Most mistakes in life aren't impossible to fix. This situation isn't the result of a single mistake. You aren't at square one. You weren't at square one to begin with. This happens when you're in the negatives. Something happened and you've been stepping backward for quite some time now or she's been moving forward while you've been stuck in place. When this all over it will be a good idea to look at the last six to eight months and examine any changes in your behavior.

What do you mean its not over? As in for me personally, and my own plight, or further communication from her not over?

I wish there was just some eternal sunshine of the spotless mind type **** I could go through and forget haha

 

[kipper]

Originally Posted by MarkI

What do you mean its not over? As in for me personally, and my own plight, or further communication from her not over?

She will probably try to contact you again or you try and contact her again. More than that, drama has a way of working itself in to these sorts of situations.

 

[Synthese]

Originally Posted by fuji

Crazy girl only really has 1 friend. I told her about it and she went ******* mental at me. She's a mutual friend and was complaining I don't care enough about her and that crazy girl won't kill herself and I should stop worrying even though she's tried it before . Crazy girl called me today saying she wanted to hurt herself again so I had to go see her and calm her down. She's going to therapy again and taking medication. I guess I can't just leave her this easily, its too much ******* drama.

paging eason, eason please go to UK and regulate.

 

[NorCal]

Originally Posted by MarkI

Though, no one has provided much insight on this... Do you guys think, that since I was so adamant about telling her that I will cut off all contact with her, in the event of a split, thats keeping her from trying to get in touch with me? I feel like I kind of fucked myself in that way.
No. No way in hell that you won't ever talk to her again. Likely you will speak to her very soon. Edit. Did not read the **** storm that followed. But I was **** on. She will call again. In fact it is my best guess that you will both talk several times over the coming months. Frankly I think it's for the best. I have never understood the school that says to cut off all contact. It seems to me that part of the process of actually moving on in a healthy manner involves some unpleasant conversations and drama. Just don't put the rest of your life on hold, don't isolate, even if you are depressed as hell force yourself to be around other people. and

 

[Matt]

Originally Posted by MarkI

******** things up so bad.

She calls me last night at like 1 in the morning, I tell myself I shouldnt answer, dont do it, I **********.

Me: Hello
Girl: Hi...i'm suprised you picked up.
Me: I'm suprised I picked up too, how are you?
Girl: I'm ok, I can't sleep...
Me: Me neither, you should come over..
Girl: Ok...

She calls back like 5 minutes later, and this is where I ******* fucked up, she says that she changed her mind, and isnt going to come. I should have just said ok, ******* whatever. But instead my emotions got the best of me and I start ranting and raving and saying thats so fucked up.

This went on for like 20 minutes, at which point she said shes going to come, but only because she feels forced, and is doing it for me.

She gets here, she just wants to go to sleep. I end up talking a lot, mistake.

In the morning, she wakes up late, misses both her classes, and is late for work. I just felt like ****, and woke up early and called out of work.

It ended with her being pissed at me, me doing the whole we should get back together shpeil, then she went crazy, and really started yelling at me, at which point I called her a peice of ****, and a liar, and told her i'm through with all of this.

I think I can safely say she wont try to call me again now.

I am such an idiot, sometimes I really ******* hate myself.

wow. Yup. Whatever hand you had, you lost. Sorry dude, I think at this point, you are fucked.

It's gonna sting for a while. Part cos you were dumped (and for a while there, she was feeling like you were the dumper, but those days are over.

My best advice at this point is to start putting in some MarkTime.

This is probably the best time you will ever have to take up some of those things you always wanted to do. Guitar, jiu jitsu, photography, Spanish, whatever. As long as it 1. involves you leaving the house and 2. involves other people around.

At this point your worst enemy is your own head.

My worst advice would be to do this:

Originally Posted by MarkI

I would actually like to sit down with her, and properly part ways though?

Or is that a bad idea?

I mean at this point, both of us have done our share of **** ups. Unfortunately this thing is dead, would asking her out to dinner, not complicating things, just having a conversation and parting ways be a bad idea? Should I just leave it at this?

It is incorrect that you have both done your share of fuckups. You are one major fuckup ahead of her, and you both know it.

Calling her in to try to put a stop to it all (and then regain the upper hand) will just look petty at this point. It will basically just reveal your hand (as we have spent the past few pages trying to establish it) and she will see straight through that.

Nup, at this point, while I wouldn't go so far as to say that you will never hear from her again, I think you are basically screwed. Get yourself to the gym and take it out on the punching bags.

Originally Posted by fuji

Crazy girl only really has 1 friend. I told her about it and she went ******* mental at me. She's a mutual friend and was complaining I don't care enough about her and that crazy girl won't kill herself and I should stop worrying even though she's tried it before . Crazy girl called me today saying she wanted to hurt herself again so I had to go see her and calm her down. She's going to therapy again and taking medication. I guess I can't just leave her this easily, its too much ******* drama.

wow. I really didn't expect that suggestion to backfire, my apologies.

Sounds to me like crazy girl has really no friends though. Hard to ever see a 'friend' reacting to that news like that.

Anyhow, I'd still back out. You have told someone who (theoretically) cares.

Back out, ignore the calls etc. She will probably escalate her threats via SMS or email, but in its own way that is just kind of a **** test.

If it really gets out of hand, and you really get super-legitimately concerned, perhaps call a professional (or her professional).

 

[Beetleything]

Jesus....some of you guys to need to MAN UP!!

Watch a John Wayne movie or CLint for crisake!!!

Walk away .....into the sunset and ....keep going......

what's with all the whimpering????

 

[Dakota rube]

Originally Posted by NorCal

...In fact it is my best guess that you will both talk several times over the coming months. Frankly I think it's for the best. I have never understood the school that says to cut off all contact...

Just don't put the rest of your life on hold, don't isolate, even if you are depressed as hell force yourself to be around other people.

I'll go along with NorCal here.

 

[Eason]

Originally Posted by Synthese

paging eason, eason please go to UK and regulate.
Man I got 99 problems and this weekend in Guang Zhou I let a ***** become one.

 

[Star]

Originally Posted by Beetleything

Jesus....some of you guys to need to MAN UP!!

Watch a John Wayne movie or CLint for crisake!!!

Walk away .....into the sunset and ....keep going......

what's with all the whimpering????


Hollywood does not make those types of movies anymore....

 

[MarkI]

So yeah, don't even know what to think know, think I have some sort of leverage now.

Even after all that, she still called me yesterday, we had a conversation, she asked if we were still on for today, cause we had plans to see this show for the longest time. I said yes, she concluded the conversation by saying she loves me.

This morning I send her a text, saying i'd like to cancel todays plans, she replies, "any reason?" I dont answer, little while later she texts me again, "Mark?"

I then say that I just dont feel like it, to which she responds, "okay." I was going to leave it at that, and let her stew, whatever, figuring this would make her antsy etc.

She the sends me this.

"You always give yourself the right to change your mind, it's never given to me. I'm turning my phone off for the rest of the day."

So my strategy kind of backfired on me. Blah.

 

[kwilkinson]

Just take a step back buddy. Seriously. A few days with no contact whatsoever can only be for the best.

 

[Matt]

Originally Posted by MarkI

"You always give yourself the right to change your mind, it's never given to me. I'm turning my phone off for the rest of the day.
"then I guess you'll see this tomorrow. Hope you enjoyed your Saturday."