I broke up with my gf (general breakup thread)

[Dakota rube]

^Yes.
Sadly, there are some people who we just cannot help.

 

[dfagdfsh]

dakota you should pm me!

 

[fuji]

I feel **** about this. Even though its probably the best thing for her its hard to sit here and hope she's alright and doesn't do anything.

 

[Matt]

Originally Posted by fuji

I feel **** about this. Even though its probably the best thing for her its hard to sit here and hope she's alright and doesn't do anything.
I feel ya dude, that's a horrible situation to be in. I've never really been in that situation (and certainly not to this degree) so everything below is academic: I guess you have to really think about the precedent you set by responding. You are kinda saying to her "it's over, but if you threaten to harm yourself, then it's not, and I'll be right here" - which is healthy for neither of you. That can only escalate and spiral. is there someone else you can call? crisis centre or something? Or maybe one of her friends? "Hi it's Fuji, I'm really worried about NAME. I am sure you have heard that I am every asshole under the sun by now, but I do still care for her, but I don't want to get back together, and she is telling me that she will kill herself if I don't come back. She has harmed herself before, and I really am concerned. You're her best friend, so I really hope you can help." Something like that?

 

[Synthese]

^Happened to me once, when I was pretty young and didn't know what to do. That's pretty much the only way to go about it. If you care about the person you pretty much have to circumvent their shittiness by doing something they might think is ****** and going behind their back. Maybe you end up friends later, maybe you don't - but if you're worried, you're worried and you do something, instead of sitting and twiddling your thumbs.

Either way, Matt's right; this isn't good for either of you. You're going to have PTSD as it is. You're what, 17? You don't need to be a parent; I'm sure you've got your own **** going on.

 

[MarkI]

Yeah that date was the worst idea I've ever had. Every second that girl talked it just reminded me of why my girlfriend was the ****. Couldn't even finish out the date, made out like I had some major emergency and bounced, ugh. Hardly admirable, don't feel very good about it.

I really hope that I didn't turn off my ex from reaching out to me, cause I seemed so adamant of cutting off all ties to her.

Day by day is how I'm doing this thang.

 

[Matt]

go for a run. Now.

 

[APK]

You guys split a day ago. Going on a date or hooking up with someone so soon isn't going to help. Don't let the typical online alpha male cliches about getting over someone by getting under someone right away get in your head. You saw this woman as marriage material. Naturally it will take a while for those feelings to erode; certainly longer than a day.

There will come a time when it's advisable to pursue a date or something more. That time has not yet arrived. And there's nothing wrong with that.

 

[kwilkinson]

Originally Posted by Matt

go drink 17 beers. Now.
Fixed for myself.

 

[Nouveau Pauvre]

Originally Posted by APK

Maybe it's trite to quote Lil Wayne at this time, but he had the right perspective on keeping someone in a relationship who doesn't really want to be there:

And I am no Elliot Ness / I don't handcuff, I don't arrest

I quoted the exact same line in a serious context the other day.

 

[HgaleK]

Originally Posted by APK

You guys split a day ago. Going on a date or hooking up with someone so soon isn't going to help. Don't let the typical online alpha male cliches about getting over someone by getting under someone right away get in your head. You saw this woman as marriage material. Naturally it will take a while for those feelings to erode; certainly longer than a day.

There will come a time when it's advisable to pursue a date or something more. That time has not yet arrived. And there's nothing wrong with that.

The hooking up is escapism my man, not getting over her. I don't think that anything works to get over a girl outside of time. The key to pulling it off is copious amounts of booze. When sober you're going to notice the things she does that are similar to your girl, and everything wrong with the chick that made your girl so incredible. With enough alcohol you won't be able to concentrate hard enough to notice all of these thing. At worst you hate everyone and everything and start fights, but one the positive end there's mediocre sex involving condoms. Either way you end up with a temporary reprieve from emotional trauma and a great sob story to tell when you're looking for sympathy.

 

[Matt]

i hope he's running. He's at very high risk of making a messy emo I miss you call.

 

[MarkI]

Originally Posted by Matt

i hope he's running. He's at very high risk of making a messy emo I miss you call.

Not making that call, I have really told myself I wont, and i'm not going too. Gonna take a shower, drink a beer, read a book and go to bed.

Though, no one has provided much insight on this...

Do you guys think, that since I was so adamant about telling her that I will cut off all contact with her, in the event of a split, thats keeping her from trying to get in touch with me? I feel like I kind of fucked myself in that way.

 

[kwilkinson]

It's doubtful. Women don't listen anyway.

 

[Synthese]

Originally Posted by MarkI

Yeah that date was the worst idea I've ever had. Every second that girl talked it just reminded me of why my girlfriend was the ****. Couldn't even finish out the date, made out like I had some major emergency and bounced, ugh. Hardly admirable, don't feel very good about it.

I really hope that I didn't turn off my ex from reaching out to me, cause I seemed so adamant of cutting off all ties to her.

Day by day is how I'm doing this thang.

In the last 20 pages we've established that a) it wasn't going to work, b) she had reasons, and c) she probably had some reasons for why it wasn't going to work, all of which add up to d) it not working out. This sucks, but it happens. If I'm remembering correctly, you had no interest in ending things with her before she took you aside for "the talk." It seems that now you've perhaps gotten yourself confused about who left who. Now, perhaps this is what Teger was getting at.

There's no shame in getting left by someone. It hurts, but it happens. To everyone. The last few things you've posted suggest that you're slightly lost in terms of which way the weather-vane is, or was, actually pointing.

Saying that you "left" isn't really true, is it? You decided to leave a half-relationship, which is good. But it sounds like you need to take a bit to sit with yourself and look over things. You know, have a conversation that goes something like this:

Me: ****, I got dumped.
Me: ****.
Me: Do I still love her?
Me: Yeah, that doesn't change overnight, even if she stopped loving me.
Me: I don't want to sit around though, and at this point I'm pretty sure that it wasn't going to work out. Not that I didn't want it to, but I can't be in a relationship with someone who's not as invested in it as I am.

Now, so far we're doing good. But it sounds like you did something like this:

Sexsexsex I love you but I'm a MAN and I'm gonna walk. I don't love her SHITbut I do. Ohfuck. Uhhh, I don't need her. I don't want her back. I am a survivor?

This is slightly confused. You DO love her, you DO want her back, but you have to accept that SHE needs time, which means effectively that YOU GET time off. Not a bad thing. You're young. It'll help put things in perspective. As APK said, don't go around ******* people, just take a minute to accept the situation instead of moving a mile a minute and doing something stupid.

You're going to ******** with her again, which will probably result in one of you thinking that you're "back together" and the other one thinking not exactly that. This, when it happens, will suck. To mitigate the suckage, avoid the sex. Avoid the talking. Mind over body.

I'm really rambling now, so I'll sign off for a bit.