Things That Are Bothering You, Got You All Hibbeldy-Jibbeldy, or just downright pissed, RIGHT NOW!

[edinatlanta]



Are we still talking about the shirty marriage(s) our parents have/had? How fucked up they were and how fucked up they made me have slowly sank in over the years. I think one of my greatest personality strengths/weakness is a great derivative of this. I've learned to detach myself from human interactions. I've turned them into an observation and science. ****, it's how I make my living. I've covered up the detachment with a keen sense of what doing the right thing is. I'm not socially marsupialed, far from it. The downside is that I don't let people get close to me. It's hard for me to form meaningful relationships. I have lots of "friends" but very few people I really care about. Easy for me to cut off people. I haven't talked to my sister in years. I went a year without talking to my brother until my dad insisted I do. I'm drunk and rambling.
My FWB chick is ******* putting heat on me. No interest at all. Spent x-mas with her, was probably a huge mistake. God damn I hate being alone.

There is a lot here I identify with and want to add to but like Thomas said, I need more time to mull things over.

Also, got a lot on my mind.

Basically, I'm done with my sister. She's 10 years older than me and while I'm not going to say she's a ****-up, she kind of is. Long story short, over the summer quit her job moved cross-country back to ATL, within a week was kicked out of her crazy friend's house and...moved back to my parents' place. Where she's lived for YEARS as an adult. She still has no job *BUT* she was telling me how she's going into business with a friend. She couldn't properly explain what the business would be and is developing her business acumen by downloading a whole bunch of business books. I wish her the best of luck. (This is also at least the second business idea she is "about to go into" since moving back).

Flash forward to yesterday. It is my mom's birthday. My sister is just naturally very difficult to be around and I'm thinking I just hate being around her for that very reason. We go to dinner and she has this very odd habit where she just asks people questions or for help that she doesn't need, no better way to explain it. Anyway, she asked me for help with something small as I just sit down and I was like "wait, what no" because I haven't even put ****** in the seat.

Which triggered one of her famous melt downs.

She was horribly offended and was just visibly shaken, my mom said something inoffensive like just let it go or something to that effect. You know, something shouldn't have to say to a 30-something daughter over an utterly inconsequential event at which point my sister starts crying. Yes, she was crying. Nothing big, you can tell she's holding something back and then a few minutes later she starts practically bawling, gets into a fight with my mom "its always my fault*, it always comes back to me" (which is one of her standard lines) and the two of them when they fight, they go at it. Anyway its the usual sort of stuff but my mom, remember it is her birthday and we're at her ******* birthday dinner just gets up to leave for a few minutes, my sister then just shuts off. The fighting was so bad and I was like, great technically I triggered this, I just wanted to leave and because I have the ******* decency to realize on your mom's birthday you don't **** up her **** unless it truly is the greatest issue imaginable, I was pretty beat down.

Well I let some time pass and try to smooth things with my sister, eventually get her to feel good again and talk but its obvious my mom is furious with my sister. My mom and I talked briefly about it after dinner** and she said "you never have any idea what will set her off, that's why it is so difficult."

And for me that's what did it. I don't need or want someone that volatile in my life. Look, I get it, she has all kinds of issues and problems to deal with. I'm not unsympathetic. I want her to get help. I just can't deal with it because whenever she's around, the whole time isn't so much enjoying your time, its spent trying to avoid stepping on a landmine that will blow up. Oh, and then she just. cant. stop. *******. talking. in the few seconds (no exaggeration) she isn't monopolizing the conversation with absurdly stupid non-sequitors you're STILL having to work around her. Its just an awful situation.

*

Spoiler: Warning: Spoiler!

She lives in a pretty bizarre reality sometimes. Like, she always insists nothing is her fault. First, my parents are always quick to suspect either her or I did something when something is awry at the house, probably because, oh I don't know. They were kids once too. Sure it gets annoying but its just what they do, you know it isn't anything personal or worth getting in tears over at your mom's birthday dinner. Anyway, as the most egregious example of how nothing is ever her fault, she was arrested for her second or third DUI in 2001 while driving with a suspended license because she failed to appear for her court date. Not 10 feet outside of the jail doors she says to my dad "[Name] it wasn't my fault." Nothing, no matter how big or small is ever her fault. She constantly got blamed for **** as a kid because she kept ******* up. I could cite numerous other examples of her bizarre reality. Like she's always slept in super super late in the day. Always. Since she's moved back she's insisted that all the numerous times she's slept to noon or later are aberrations. "I never do that." Except in the few months since she's been back and literally every time we've spent the night or whatever, she's done that.

**

Spoiler: Warning: Spoiler!

My sister also has no social graces. None. The reason my mom and I had some alone time is because at the end of the dinner, my sister who is chippy again is like "I need to go to the bank..." alright fine, but its 830PM and getting antsy about it like it has to be done immediately. Like, ***** please, that **** closed. Ain't no difference between now and an hour later if you go to the bank. So my parents picked up the tab for dinner and they are sitting at the table for a few minutes enjoying the meal. My sister is like "OK I need to leave." Like, wtf. There's a whole bunch of reasons YOU don't decide when the meal is over. And your need to go to the bank when it is closed is not a good enough reason.

Ugh, I have so much else to say about her

 

[in stitches]



Earlier posts deserve a response, but I need more time to mull it over.

i look forward to it.

sending my love

thanks.

Bhowie's gonna have some posts to delete when he wakes up!

lol, not likely.

 

[patrickBOOTH]

The girlfriend wanted an ipad for christmas so she, "won't have to always use your laptop." Well, she got the ipad and she is still using my laptop while the ipad is still in the case.

 

[LawrenceMD]



The girlfriend wanted an ipad for christmas so she, "won't have to always use your laptop." Well, she got the ipad and she is still using my laptop while the ipad is still in the case.

the iPad is only super useful when you don't have an actual computer around, when you're on vacation, and when you're on the toilet/in bed.

other than that it a totally redundant product - ESPECIALLY if you already have an iPhone.

 

[Douglas]



My FWB chick is ******* putting heat on me. Spent x-mas with her

 

[patrickBOOTH]

Well, her laptop is from like 1990. It is pretty useless. She is a makeup artist so she would use my macbook air to show hi-res makeup photos for shoots and whatnot. It definitely is good for her, but I think she is just lazy. The ipad will sit in the box until I take it out and start playing with it. I considered buying myself one at the same time, but I am like, wait a second, I have a macbook air and I can tether internet from my iphone, wtf do I need this for?

 

[munchausen]



My FWB chick is ******* putting heat on me. No interest at all. Spent x-mas with her, was probably a huge mistake. God damn I hate being alone.

IME, FWB never lasts for long. She either becomes a girlfriend or a former friend pretty soon.

 

[Thomas]



There is a lot here I identify with and want to add to but like Thomas said, I need more time to mull things over.
Also, got a lot on my mind.
Basically, I'm done with my sister. She's 10 years older than me and while I'm not going to say she's a ****-up, she kind of is. Long story short, over the summer quit her job moved cross-country back to ATL, within a week was kicked out of her crazy friend's house and...moved back to my parents' place. Where she's lived for YEARS as an adult. She still has no job *BUT* she was telling me how she's going into business with a friend. She couldn't properly explain what the business would be and is developing her business acumen by downloading a whole bunch of business books. I wish her the best of luck. (This is also at least the second business idea she is "about to go into" since moving back).
Flash forward to yesterday. It is my mom's birthday. My sister is just naturally very difficult to be around and I'm thinking I just hate being around her for that very reason. We go to dinner and she has this very odd habit where she just asks people questions or for help that she doesn't need, no better way to explain it. Anyway, she asked me for help with something small as I just sit down and I was like "wait, what no" because I haven't even put ****** in the seat.
Which triggered one of her famous melt downs.
She was horribly offended and was just visibly shaken, my mom said something inoffensive like just let it go or something to that effect. You know, something shouldn't have to say to a 30-something daughter over an utterly inconsequential event at which point my sister starts crying. Yes, she was crying. Nothing big, you can tell she's holding something back and then a few minutes later she starts practically bawling, gets into a fight with my mom "its always my fault*, it always comes back to me" (which is one of her standard lines) and the two of them when they fight, they go at it. Anyway its the usual sort of stuff but my mom, remember it is her birthday and we're at her ******* birthday dinner just gets up to leave for a few minutes, my sister then just shuts off. The fighting was so bad and I was like, great technically I triggered this, I just wanted to leave and because I have the ******* decency to realize on your mom's birthday you don't **** up her **** unless it truly is the greatest issue imaginable, I was pretty beat down.
Well I let some time pass and try to smooth things with my sister, eventually get her to feel good again and talk but its obvious my mom is furious with my sister. My mom and I talked briefly about it after dinner** and she said "you never have any idea what will set her off, that's why it is so difficult."
And for me that's what did it. I don't need or want someone that volatile in my life. Look, I get it, she has all kinds of issues and problems to deal with. I'm not unsympathetic. I want her to get help. I just can't deal with it because whenever she's around, the whole time isn't so much enjoying your time, its spent trying to avoid stepping on a landmine that will blow up. Oh, and then she just. cant. stop. *******. talking. in the few seconds (no exaggeration) she isn't monopolizing the conversation with absurdly stupid non-sequitors you're STILL having to work around her. Its just an awful situation.
*

Spoiler: Warning: Spoiler!

She lives in a pretty bizarre reality sometimes. Like, she always insists nothing is her fault. First, my parents are always quick to suspect either her or I did something when something is awry at the house, probably because, oh I don't know. They were kids once too. Sure it gets annoying but its just what they do, you know it isn't anything personal or worth getting in tears over at your mom's birthday dinner. Anyway, as the most egregious example of how nothing is ever her fault, she was arrested for her second or third DUI in 2001 while driving with a suspended license because she failed to appear for her court date. Not 10 feet outside of the jail doors she says to my dad "[Name] it wasn't my fault." Nothing, no matter how big or small is ever her fault. She constantly got blamed for **** as a kid because she kept ******* up. I could cite numerous other examples of her bizarre reality. Like she's always slept in super super late in the day. Always. Since she's moved back she's insisted that all the numerous times she's slept to noon or later are aberrations. "I never do that." Except in the few months since she's been back and literally every time we've spent the night or whatever, she's done that.

**

Spoiler: Warning: Spoiler!

My sister also has no social graces. None. The reason my mom and I had some alone time is because at the end of the dinner, my sister who is chippy again is like "I need to go to the bank..." alright fine, but its 830PM and getting antsy about it like it has to be done immediately. Like, ***** please, that **** closed. Ain't no difference between now and an hour later if you go to the bank. So my parents picked up the tab for dinner and they are sitting at the table for a few minutes enjoying the meal. My sister is like "OK I need to leave." Like, wtf. There's a whole bunch of reasons YOU don't decide when the meal is over. And your need to go to the bank when it is closed is not a good enough reason.

Ugh, I have so much else to say about her

Dude, she sounds like my brother, without the tears. In fact, he pretty well single-handedly put Christmas sideways for my side of the family this year. No intentions of seeing him again, unless it's to move him out of my folks' lives.

 

[lasbar69]

The girlfriend wanted an ipad for christmas so she, "won't have to always use your laptop." Well, she got the ipad and she is still using my laptop while the ipad is still in the case.

My wife wanted a tablet..

Got one for her and surprise surprise she never used it since.

 

[in stitches]

ed, that blows. she defo is living in another reality. sorry, man.

 

[edinatlanta]



Dude, she sounds like my brother, without the tears. In fact, he pretty well single-handedly put Christmas sideways for my side of the family this year. No intentions of seeing him again, unless it's to move him out of my folks' lives.

Sorry you had to deal with it.

I guess I sort of feel bad because I don't feel bad that I don't feel the slightest bit sad about it.

I wish I had a close familial relationship with my brother and sister but I don't want to work on it, I guess. They are half bro and sis and my brother is 14 years older than me and we've never lived together which doesn't help things.

Anyway, he's never told me why he moved away when he was in HS to live with his dad but I fully believe now that it was solely becuase he couldn't deal with my sister anymore. He has essentially no relationship with her now.

 

[edinatlanta]



ed, that blows. she defo is living in another reality. sorry, man.

yep.

Like just thinking about the future i have virtually no hope for her which is a stunning indictment I suppose. Like for me if I just get to decent wage-slave status I'll be happy so that perhaps shows what I expect of her.

 

[edinatlanta]

**** man, how am I only a few years (ok its more than a few) out of college and like I realize that my sister is a child. Like, I shouldn't be able to be in a better position for success than anyone. Ugh.

 

[Thomas]



Are we still talking about the shirty marriage(s) our parents have/had? How fucked up they were and how fucked up they made me have slowly sank in over the years. I think one of my greatest personality strengths/weakness is a great derivative of this. I've learned to detach myself from human interactions. I've turned them into an observation and science. ****, it's how I make my living. I've covered up the detachment with a keen sense of what doing the right thing is. (...)
My FWB chick is ******* putting heat on me. No interest at all. Spent x-mas with her, was probably a huge mistake. God damn I hate being alone.

(...) One of the funny things is I'm pretty ok with who I am as a person. Wish in one hand and *********** other and tell me which fills up faster. I wish I was; smarter, better looking, taller, made more money, got laid more, owned a ******* yacht, had rich parents, was ******* normal. Just like everyone else. *******, I'm doing really god damn well for myself. I'm doing better than 90% of all people on so many different things. Feel like an asshole for wanting to do better. One of the things that I love about people is their faults. It's what makes them real and it's what makes their strengths that much better. I wouldn't be me without my faults. I find them charming and without them I wouldn't be me. I'm not that interested in changing the essence of myself. Self-help and psychology would be two of the lowest paid professions in the world if they worked. They don't.

Would it surprise you if I told you that normal =/= perfect,or that normal =/= well-adjusted, or even that normal is really a code-word for the average cauldron of doubts, fears, predjudices, and lingering disappointments that we all carry around? Sizes vary, and their causes are complicated, but we all have them. In fact, I would suggest that people who seem the most-sane, most-well-adjusted, are most emphatically NOT NORMAL. And when two 'normal' people bring their fears and doubts together into a life-long commitment...well, keeping it together and sane is a tall order for most everyone. But I found it interesting that you have this detachment - but don't like being alone. That, I think, is something worth exploring, or maybe it's just a current thing for you, given your situation.

Another thing that I find interesting is the balance between gratitude and ambition. As Harvey put it a long time ago, just being born in the US means you did pretty well in the life lottery. And yet, we all tend to want more. Is it wrong to want more? I don't think it is. Smarter men than me can argue this point better on either side - I swore I'd read some philosophy on this very subject, but haven't got past the first dialog that was (thankfully) simple. But don't feel like an asshole for trying to maximize your value.

 

[Douglas]

Ed, your sister is batshit insane, your parents are enablers, and you're best to not allow her into your life. Sure she's selfish, but at this point it's pathological and she doesn't have the power to fix it by you talking it out with her. GTFO.