Roommates with a friend: General advice, etc.

[embowafa]

My only two roommate situations are/were very close/best friend situations.

The first one was OK, but ended up souring due to where we could afford to move to after the lease was up. Similar to another thread, our respective income level disparity was quite large and I wanted a place he couldn't afford. It cause tension, and in the end, we went our separate ways. We didn't speak for a few months, but have since been back on good terms.

My current roommate is another really good friend of mine. We are practically on "help hide a dead hooker" terms, so there isn't too much of a need for ground rules and, for the most part, we have the same philosophy on cleaning (CLEAN UP YOUR ****). In this case as well, our income levels were a lot different...we were previously at the same level at one company, but I had just taken a position with a considerable pay increase. I love the guy to death, but in general, he's a cheap skate. When discussing furniture, he was always looking on Craigslist. I was always like

I really had an idea of what I wanted the place to look like furnished, so after some back and forth, I just went ahead and bought everything myself from the stores I wanted. I didn't want to step on his toes or anything, but I was ultimately just like, "dude...I already bought X, Y, and Z things, don't worry about it." He didn't have to pay for anything and I got the look I wanted.

As far as cleaning is concerned...I tell people that "he's clean, but he doesn't clean". I'd say for every 5 times I clean the common area (kitchen, living room, etc.), he's done it 0.75 times. It irked in the past, but ultimately, I clean for myself, not for anyone else. If he wants to help, fine...if he doesn't, fine.

Moving in with a friend can be tricky....it's almost like getting into a relationship with the person and you have to learn to live with their quirks and them yours. I've found that things can get passive aggressive REAL QUICK and that's good for no one. Remember to speak your mind about things that TRULY bother you (but don't be a nag), but also remember to really listen to their concerns if they have any. In the end, it's the only way you're gonna get through it.

 

[erdawe]



My current roommate is another really good friend of mine. We are practically on "help hide a dead hooker" terms, so there isn't too much of a need for ground rules and, for the most part, we have the same philosophy on cleaning (CLEAN UP YOUR ****). In this case as well, our income levels were a lot different...we were previously at the same level at one company, but I had just taken a position with a considerable pay increase. I love the guy to death, but in general, he's a cheap skate. When discussing furniture, he was always looking on Craigslist. I was always like

I really had an idea of what I wanted the place to look like furnished, so after some back and forth, I just went ahead and bought everything myself from the stores I wanted. I didn't want to step on his toes or anything, but I was ultimately just like, "dude...I already bought X, Y, and Z things, don't worry about it." He didn't have to pay for anything and I got the look I wanted.

As far as cleaning is concerned...I tell people that "he's clean, but he doesn't clean". I'd say for every 5 times I clean the common area (kitchen, living room, etc.), he's done it 0.75 times. It irked in the past, but ultimately, I clean for myself, not for anyone else. If he wants to help, fine...if he doesn't, fine.

Moving in with a friend can be tricky....it's almost like getting into a relationship with the person and you have to learn to live with their quirks and them yours. I've found that things can get passive aggressive REAL QUICK and that's good for no one. Remember to speak your mind about things that TRULY bother you (but don't be a nag), but also remember to really listen to their concerns if they have any. In the end, it's the only way you're gonna get through it.

WOW.. This sounds grossly familiar to the roommate dynamic I had my good buddy during the last two years of college... Except I realize you both were working full time making much more than my situation as a student. Same with the furniture aspect, the amount of cleaning common areas, and some of the passive aggressive petty **** that took place on both side (especially that first year). There were moments of tension, but it was still a great experience overall. Just highlighted how different we were all around. The most awkward thing was when one of my roommates female friend came over, who I only knew in passing, exclaimed that it must feel like marriage in here as roommates. I was lk ummm Not Quite. But honestly, the concept of how well you got to know eachother's little oddities really hit home after the long while. Still, it was a great experience and I really enjoyed the company. It worked well because we meshed well. Having a drinking buddy always around was a nice touch as well. Lately, I've been living mostly solo, lest the occasional woman, and am perfectly happy too. How uncanny. I wonder if similar situations have happened with more SFers??.

 

[yjeezle]

hope you guys are friends afterwards.. for me no mater what it never works out.