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Spanking - Page 9

post #121 of 330
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thomas View Post
This is important, and why I make it a point to never bluff with ours. If I lay out consequences, then I follow them to the letter, or invite disrespect. I have to pick out the consequences carefully, though.

+1.

a few years ago, my wife told my son that he couldn't get up from the table until he tried some dish. I ended up sitting at the damn table for hours.
post #122 of 330
Quote:
Originally Posted by globetrotter View Post
+1.

a few years ago, my wife told my son that he couldn't get up from the table until he tried some dish. I ended up sitting at the damn table for hours.

Did she learn her lesson?
post #123 of 330
CHILD ABUSE
post #124 of 330
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark from Plano View Post
Did she learn her lesson?

actually, she did. aside from that one time, we haven't made any threats to our kids that we couldn't carry out 100%.


I think that we are again confusing what love is - my parents made some mistakes raising me, but I love them. they certainly didn't give me everything I wanted, but I know that they did their best and that they loved me, and made some sacrifices.

moderate corporal punishment doesn't make kids feel unloved. it might make them feel mad every now and again, but kids don't always get what they want.

letting a kid run wild isn't exactly an example of love. you look around at a lot of the people who were raised in my generation (born in the 60's) and after with very easy parents, not everyone seems to be doing as well as they might want to be. I think it more likely that that is a result of not strict enough parents, rather than too strict.
post #125 of 330
Quote:
Originally Posted by LatinStyleLover View Post
I have avoided comment on much of anything here following a purchase gone bad and some responses that followed, but was intrigued by this discussion. My parents did not spank any of us prior to the age of 8. They said that before the age of 8 we were not really able to understand right and wrong to the degree necessary for a spanking to be warranted. Beyond that, we were only spanked for two reasons: 1. If we hit one of our siblings; 2. If we lied to our parents. We all learned pretty early on that if we confessed what we did, no matter what it was, that our parents would punish us, but not as badly if we lied about it and got caught. As they explained it to us they would not be able to help us with a problem, a problem that we might not even perceive to be a problem, if they were not aware of the problem, so we needed to always tell them the truth. Also, if we accepted our punishment, which usually involved no t.v., games, computer, etc., and did not complain about it, two weeks of punishment was usually reduced to one week because of good behavior. Finally, my mom never spanked any of us, and the reason is quite unusual. My mom has a temper and once spanked my older brother too hard when she lost it. My dad pretty much took over after that, we had a family meeting, and we were told that none of us would ever be spanked when a parent was angry and that my dad would handle all spankings. My older brother seemed to get the most spankings, mostly because he lied a lot, and I remember one spanking, but I do not think any of my other siblings has ever been spanked. It is also interesting to me that my dad, who is normally thought of in strong terms by us, would go to his room alone and actually cry after having to spank my brother, and I assume me. So I know he did not enjoy having to spank us. I don't know if they were right or wrong in the way they handled it, but I don't think any of us ever thought we were punished without a real good reason. I learned early on in life that I was free to make my own choices, but I was not free to determine what the consequences would be for those choices. Since spanking was so rare in our house and we were all pretty well behaved I suppose it would be easy to argue it is not necessary to spank. I think the most effective tool used by my parents was the knowledge that they meant what they said and never bluffed. If we were dumb enough to break a rule and get caught, we would be punished. I remember when I was little, I think around 5 or 6, going to Disneyland with the whole family. We were standing in line for a ride and this one kid was really acting up. His mother told him to stop or he was going to get it. My dad said: "Watch this, he'll do it again and again and his mother will keep threatening to punish him, but nothing will ever happen. How many warnings do you guys get?" I said none. My dad was also right that this kid never stopped and his mother never did anything about it. The only time we ever got a warning was when we did something that my parents had not anticipated, that was not a "known" rule violation. We got a strong warning if it was something new and that would then be added to the list of known offences. Sometimes, we would try and claim we did not know, but that really never worked. In any event, I don't plan on having any kids so I guess I will never know how I would treat my own kids. If that changes, I imagine I would probably follow my parents route since it seemed to work out fine for all of us.

just above the shift key is a button that says 'enter'. You should test it out sometime.
post #126 of 330
Quote:
Originally Posted by globetrotter View Post
actually, she did. aside from that one time, we haven't made any threats to our kids that we couldn't carry out 100%.


I think that we are again confusing what love is - my parents made some mistakes raising me, but I love them. they certainly didn't give me everything I wanted, but I know that they did their best and that they loved me, and made some sacrifices.

moderate corporal punishment doesn't make kids feel unloved. it might make them feel mad every now and again, but kids don't always get what they want.

letting a kid run wild isn't exactly an example of love. you look around at a lot of the people who were raised in my generation (born in the 60's) and after with very easy parents, not everyone seems to be doing as well as they might want to be. I think it more likely that that is a result of not strict enough parents, rather than too strict.

On the contrary I find that people are too rigid in their thinking, quick to resort to confrontation and hardly prepared for life beyond working. It's a recipee for unhapiness...
post #127 of 330
Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt View Post
just above the shift key is a button that says 'enter'. You should test it out sometime.

beat me to it
post #128 of 330
I think the poll results are interesting...and confusing.

Of the folks who actually have kids 2/3rds don't spank.

Of the folks who don't have kids 2/3rds plan to spank.

What happens between the time they plan to have them and the time they actually have them? Or is this just stupid sampling error again? So boring.
post #129 of 330
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuuma View Post
On the contrary I find that people are too rigid in their thinking, quick to resort to confrontation and hardly prepared for life beyond working. It's a recipee for unhapiness...
are you one of those people I see in coffee shops kneeling beside a child with Nutella smeared all over his face ("because that's how he chooses to express himself, and Margaret and I believe in free expression") asking him if he understands why what he was doing was wrong and how he should promise to never do that again, and getting an earnest nod in reply....three seconds before he skips across to the other side of the room and belts his brother with a pool cue?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark from Plano View Post
I think the poll results are interesting...and confusing. Of the folks who actually have kids 2/3rds don't spank. Of the folks who don't have kids 2/3rds plan to spank. What happens between the time they plan to have them and the time they actually have them? Or is this just stupid sampling error again? So boring.
Or maybe when people have kids, they can't bring themselves to raise a hand to Our Little Miracle, while those of us with no kids are callous, uncaring, and wanna belt other people's screaming little brats in the supermarket.
post #130 of 330
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dakota rube View Post
beat me to it

you think he should hit that key more often?
post #131 of 330
Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt View Post
are you one of those people I see in coffee shops kneeling beside a child with Nutella smeared all over his face ("because that's how he chooses to express himself") asking him if he understands why what he was doing was wrong and how he should promise to never do that again, and getting an earnest nod in reply....three seconds before he skips across to the other side of the room and belts his brother with a pool cue?

No. I'm about your age and was probably reading history books while you were still going googoogaagaa. Good parenting isn't about belt straps, its about sharing a cultural capital and open-ended tools to approach the world and invest it with meaning. Discipline is the easy part and you don't have to hit kids any more than you have to kick adults in the nuts when they say something stupid.
post #132 of 330
Parents will do well to remember the old military truism: No battle plan every survives first contact with the enemy.






In this case, of course, the enemy is the kid. In case you were wondering.
post #133 of 330
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuuma View Post
its about sharing a cultural capital and open-ended tools to approach the world
what does that even mean dude? Damn social science books...putting big words to simple things in order to make arts students sound like they spent all those years doing something worthwhile
post #134 of 330
Do you guys who spank also believe your kids' teachers should have the option to spank them?
post #135 of 330
Quote:
Originally Posted by cross22 View Post
Do you guys who spank also believe your kids' teachers should have the option to spank them?

Yes please.
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