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Spanking

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Douglas, May 4, 2010.

  1. globetrotter

    globetrotter Well-Known Member

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    This is important, and why I make it a point to never bluff with ours. If I lay out consequences, then I follow them to the letter, or invite disrespect. I have to pick out the consequences carefully, though.

    +1.

    a few years ago, my wife told my son that he couldn't get up from the table until he tried some dish. I ended up sitting at the damn table for hours.
     
  2. Mark from Plano

    Mark from Plano Well-Known Member

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    +1.

    a few years ago, my wife told my son that he couldn't get up from the table until he tried some dish. I ended up sitting at the damn table for hours.


    Did she learn her lesson? [​IMG]
     
  3. jo-fu

    jo-fu Well-Known Member

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  4. globetrotter

    globetrotter Well-Known Member

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    Did she learn her lesson? [​IMG]

    actually, she did. aside from that one time, we haven't made any threats to our kids that we couldn't carry out 100%.


    I think that we are again confusing what love is - my parents made some mistakes raising me, but I love them. they certainly didn't give me everything I wanted, but I know that they did their best and that they loved me, and made some sacrifices.

    moderate corporal punishment doesn't make kids feel unloved. it might make them feel mad every now and again, but kids don't always get what they want.

    letting a kid run wild isn't exactly an example of love. you look around at a lot of the people who were raised in my generation (born in the 60's) and after with very easy parents, not everyone seems to be doing as well as they might want to be. I think it more likely that that is a result of not strict enough parents, rather than too strict.
     
  5. Matt

    Matt Well-Known Member

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    I have avoided comment on much of anything here following a purchase gone bad and some responses that followed, but was intrigued by this discussion. My parents did not spank any of us prior to the age of 8. They said that before the age of 8 we were not really able to understand right and wrong to the degree necessary for a spanking to be warranted. Beyond that, we were only spanked for two reasons: 1. If we hit one of our siblings; 2. If we lied to our parents. We all learned pretty early on that if we confessed what we did, no matter what it was, that our parents would punish us, but not as badly if we lied about it and got caught. As they explained it to us they would not be able to help us with a problem, a problem that we might not even perceive to be a problem, if they were not aware of the problem, so we needed to always tell them the truth. Also, if we accepted our punishment, which usually involved no t.v., games, computer, etc., and did not complain about it, two weeks of punishment was usually reduced to one week because of good behavior. Finally, my mom never spanked any of us, and the reason is quite unusual. My mom has a temper and once spanked my older brother too hard when she lost it. My dad pretty much took over after that, we had a family meeting, and we were told that none of us would ever be spanked when a parent was angry and that my dad would handle all spankings. My older brother seemed to get the most spankings, mostly because he lied a lot, and I remember one spanking, but I do not think any of my other siblings has ever been spanked. It is also interesting to me that my dad, who is normally thought of in strong terms by us, would go to his room alone and actually cry after having to spank my brother, and I assume me. So I know he did not enjoy having to spank us. I don't know if they were right or wrong in the way they handled it, but I don't think any of us ever thought we were punished without a real good reason. I learned early on in life that I was free to make my own choices, but I was not free to determine what the consequences would be for those choices. Since spanking was so rare in our house and we were all pretty well behaved I suppose it would be easy to argue it is not necessary to spank. I think the most effective tool used by my parents was the knowledge that they meant what they said and never bluffed. If we were dumb enough to break a rule and get caught, we would be punished. I remember when I was little, I think around 5 or 6, going to Disneyland with the whole family. We were standing in line for a ride and this one kid was really acting up. His mother told him to stop or he was going to get it. My dad said: "Watch this, he'll do it again and again and his mother will keep threatening to punish him, but nothing will ever happen. How many warnings do you guys get?" I said none. My dad was also right that this kid never stopped and his mother never did anything about it. The only time we ever got a warning was when we did something that my parents had not anticipated, that was not a "known" rule violation. We got a strong warning if it was something new and that would then be added to the list of known offences. Sometimes, we would try and claim we did not know, but that really never worked. In any event, I don't plan on having any kids so I guess I will never know how I would treat my own kids. If that changes, I imagine I would probably follow my parents route since it seemed to work out fine for all of us.

    just above the shift key is a button that says 'enter'. You should test it out sometime.
     
  6. Fuuma

    Fuuma Well-Known Member

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    actually, she did. aside from that one time, we haven't made any threats to our kids that we couldn't carry out 100%.


    I think that we are again confusing what love is - my parents made some mistakes raising me, but I love them. they certainly didn't give me everything I wanted, but I know that they did their best and that they loved me, and made some sacrifices.

    moderate corporal punishment doesn't make kids feel unloved. it might make them feel mad every now and again, but kids don't always get what they want.

    letting a kid run wild isn't exactly an example of love. you look around at a lot of the people who were raised in my generation (born in the 60's) and after with very easy parents, not everyone seems to be doing as well as they might want to be. I think it more likely that that is a result of not strict enough parents, rather than too strict.


    On the contrary I find that people are too rigid in their thinking, quick to resort to confrontation and hardly prepared for life beyond working. It's a recipee for unhapiness...
     
  7. Dakota rube

    Dakota rube Well-Known Member

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    A bit better than yesterday, all day vomiting for
    just above the shift key is a button that says 'enter'. You should test it out sometime.

    beat me to it
     
  8. Mark from Plano

    Mark from Plano Well-Known Member

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    I think the poll results are interesting...and confusing.

    Of the folks who actually have kids 2/3rds don't spank.

    Of the folks who don't have kids 2/3rds plan to spank.

    What happens between the time they plan to have them and the time they actually have them? Or is this just stupid sampling error again? So boring.
     
  9. Matt

    Matt Well-Known Member

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    On the contrary I find that people are too rigid in their thinking, quick to resort to confrontation and hardly prepared for life beyond working. It's a recipee for unhapiness...
    are you one of those people I see in coffee shops kneeling beside a child with Nutella smeared all over his face ("because that's how he chooses to express himself, and Margaret and I believe in free expression") asking him if he understands why what he was doing was wrong and how he should promise to never do that again, and getting an earnest nod in reply....three seconds before he skips across to the other side of the room and belts his brother with a pool cue?
    I think the poll results are interesting...and confusing. Of the folks who actually have kids 2/3rds don't spank. Of the folks who don't have kids 2/3rds plan to spank. What happens between the time they plan to have them and the time they actually have them? Or is this just stupid sampling error again? So boring.
    Or maybe when people have kids, they can't bring themselves to raise a hand to Our Little Miracle, while those of us with no kids are callous, uncaring, and wanna belt other people's screaming little brats in the supermarket.
     
  10. Fuuma

    Fuuma Well-Known Member

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    beat me to it

    you think he should hit that key more often?
     
  11. Fuuma

    Fuuma Well-Known Member

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    are you one of those people I see in coffee shops kneeling beside a child with Nutella smeared all over his face ("because that's how he chooses to express himself") asking him if he understands why what he was doing was wrong and how he should promise to never do that again, and getting an earnest nod in reply....three seconds before he skips across to the other side of the room and belts his brother with a pool cue?

    No. I'm about your age and was probably reading history books while you were still going googoogaagaa. Good parenting isn't about belt straps, its about sharing a cultural capital and open-ended tools to approach the world and invest it with meaning. Discipline is the easy part and you don't have to hit kids any more than you have to kick adults in the nuts when they say something stupid.
     
  12. Mark from Plano

    Mark from Plano Well-Known Member

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    Parents will do well to remember the old military truism: No battle plan every survives first contact with the enemy.






    In this case, of course, the enemy is the kid. In case you were wondering.
     
  13. Matt

    Matt Well-Known Member

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    its about sharing a cultural capital and open-ended tools to approach the world
    what does that even mean dude? Damn social science books...putting big words to simple things in order to make arts students sound like they spent all those years doing something worthwhile [​IMG]
     
  14. cross22

    cross22 Well-Known Member

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    Do you guys who spank also believe your kids' teachers should have the option to spank them?
     
  15. bBoy JEe

    bBoy JEe Well-Known Member

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    Do you guys who spank also believe your kids' teachers should have the option to spank them?

    Yes please.
     
  16. Fuuma

    Fuuma Well-Known Member

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    what does that even mean dude?

    Damn social science books...putting big words to simple things in order to make arts students sound like they spent all those years doing something worthwhile [​IMG]


    Oh please, no need to get out the stock anti-intellectual response, its not like it was getting dusty with the kind of audience we have on the forum....
     
  17. Dedalus

    Dedalus Well-Known Member

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    I think the poll results are interesting...and confusing. Of the folks who actually have kids 2/3rds don't spank. Of the folks who don't have kids 2/3rds plan to spank. What happens between the time they plan to have them and the time they actually have them? Or is this just stupid sampling error again? So boring.
    I was one of those people. I had planned on spanking, but then a combination of not needing to and also doing some research on spanking once the potential became real swayed me into the don't spank camp. That and he's my little buddy. I mean sure I have to teach him stuff and be an authority figure/role model, but I wouldn't hit my hamster, dog, friend, protege, or wife, it just feels so unnatural to spank my kid, I'm just not that kind of dude.
     
  18. cross22

    cross22 Well-Known Member

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    Or maybe when people have kids, they can't bring themselves to raise a hand to Our Little Miracle, while those of us with no kids are callous, uncaring, and wanna belt other people's screaming little brats in the supermarket.
    This is generally true. I still feel like spanking other people's kids sometimes even though I believe it is wrong. [​IMG] Seriously though, I think once you have kids you realize how individual they are and how hard it is to get them to behave a certain way. They are not computers that you can program, even with daily and nightly spanking.
     
  19. bBoy JEe

    bBoy JEe Well-Known Member

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    I was one of those people. I had planned on spanking, but then a combination of not needing to and also doing some research on spanking once the potential became real swayed me into the don't spank camp. That and he's my little buddy. I mean sure I have to teach him stuff and be an authority figure/role model, but I wouldn't hit my hamster, dog, friend, protege, or wife, it just feels so unnatural to spank my kid, I'm just not that kind of dude.

    Not to point you out in particular... but why are so many people so caught up on research or reading the latest book on parenting? For thousands of years we've been raising kids up and some might say better than now, but for some reason in the past 20-30 years or so it seems like we need to read a book to tell us how to do it... quite honestly, this makes no sense to me. Do you also read books on how to live your life? Drive a car? You learn by doing it and having other people, especially those whom you trust to show you.
     
  20. globetrotter

    globetrotter Well-Known Member

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    Do you guys who spank also believe your kids' teachers should have the option to spank them?

    I went to school in a school that had a paddle on the wall. some kids did get hit. I don't think it is such a bad thing.


    in my son's school, there are truly awful kids whose parents are horrible parents. I have no problem with the idea that my son, and the other kids at his school, will learn about discipline someplace. I think that it would make the world a better place.
     

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