Do you still live with your parents?

Originally Posted by jonglover

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Great post.

I think there is much to the cultural thing. The Amish way was to stay on the farm with the parents until marriage. Then a new house was built on the farm for the newlyweds. The farms have been is some Amish families for multiple generations.
Of course, I don't think you'll get too many Amish poster on the forum. Style isn't an Amish thing and I'm fairly certain they don't have kerosene powered computers.

Originally Posted by iammatt

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Moved out the summer before college started and never went back for more than a vacation. They have since moved very close to where we live (4 or 5 blocks) so I am thinking of heading to a different state.

Putting a body of water between you and them would probably be an optimal choice, have you ever visited Mongolia, odds are you parent never thought of doing it either....

Originally Posted by Augusto86

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Yeah, and I'm not at all upset about it. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but I can't really understand the urge to flee from your parents as far and as soon as possible. In Brasil it's quite common to live with your parents into your 20s and even 30s as you get ready for marriage, and they often remain nearby or in an adjacent wing or house(this is a lot easier there than here).
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Well, same thing for us back home but there is also a long tradition of emigration, as Greece (and Cyprus) have had very long periods of poverty and occupation that forced people to leave, as if the mountainous terrain that is not conducive to agriculture was not bad enough. Melbourne IIRC is technically the third largest city in Greek population, after Thesalloniki and Athens. Anyway, that is why you find us everywhere
Families often live close but it is not at all unusual to have relatives all over the world...

Originally Posted by Augusto86

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I suppose a whole bunch of the "strike out on your own, you're a pale shadow of a man"-type posters are going to flame me now, but I could care less.

I think it takes a stronger person to stay longer with parents. It's much easier to just leave and call once a week. To me, the one who stays is actually more of a man than the one who leaves as early as possible to "seek independence". YMMV

Originally Posted by gdl203

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My parents (read my mother) wanting to keep their sons close to them, anticipated all this and we moved when I was 18 into a new apartment which was actually 2 apartments on the same floor. This way, we were given total independence to come in and out and essentially do whatever we want - but we were just one door down so they would see us very often (probably once a day).

I think that strategy pushed our desire to move out to a later stage - I mean the whole thing was free! (including food in the fridge at all times). So I "moved out" (i.e. to a different location) when I was 25 but my brother didn't "move out" until the age of 30

Originally Posted by gdl203

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I think it takes a stronger person to stay longer with parents. It's much easier to just leave and call once a week. To me, the one who stays is actually more of a man than the one who leaves as early as possible to "seek independence". YMMV

What is confusing Tiger?

Originally Posted by gdl203

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What is confusing Tiger?
Are you saying that you are strong because you lived next door to your parents and they fed you until you were 25, or that you're weak because now you live (I assume, yes I know) on the other side of the ocean from them? I don't agree with you on the "stronger" comment but it's at a basic level so there's no point in hashing it out.

Originally Posted by tiger02

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Are you saying that you are strong because you lived next door to your parents and they fed you until you were 25, or that you're weak because now you live (I assume, yes I know) on the other side of the ocean from them?
Neither. Or a little bit of both. Clearer now?

I'm 26 and still live with my parents. I commuted to college (to save money) and to law school (again, to save money). Neither I nor my parents could pay for the type of schooling I've had and for boarding costs.

Now, I make a six figure salary, have relatively little student loan debt (oh yeah, I also only went to schools that gave me significant scholarships); I'm getting married in October and moving into an apartment with my fiance.

I may not be "making my own way" under Soph's definition because my parents gave me a roof to lay under every night, but, by this time next year, while my friends who moved away to college are paying down their $200,000 student loans and living in cramped apartments, I'll be looking at $600,000 houses.

Up until this current generation everyone understood the role of a parent and child. Every kid couldn't wait til he was 18 to move away and start his own independent life. Nowadays more and more people are moving home or never move away to begin with and they ALL have a great reason:

My parents need me
My parents are lonely
Why waste money on rent
I am saving up for a house
I have my own room and can bring girls home, my parents are way cool
My parents want me there
My dad is sick
I need to help my elderly mother with chores

Rediculous.

Originally Posted by sygyzy

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Up until this current generation everyone understood the role of a parent and child. Every kid couldn't wait til he was 18 to move away and start his own independent life. Nowadays more and more people are moving home or never move away to begin with and they ALL have a great reason:

My parents need me
My parents are lonely
Why waste money on rent
I am saving up for a house
I have my own room and can bring girls home, my parents are way cool
My parents want me there
My dad is sick
I need to help my elderly mother with chores

Rediculous.


What's so "rediculous" about all of that? Are people who move out earlier statistically better people or something?

Originally Posted by gdl203

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Neither. Or a little bit of both. Clearer now?
Yes thanks.

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to this question. There are as many reasons to move out as there are to continue living with the parents. Every family is different.

I shouldn't have used such a harsh word, but it's rediculous because of all these justifications people are making for something that I don't feel should happen. I realize everyone has special circumstances but most of what it comes down to is greed and selfishness. Your parents job ended when they sent you off to college. They should not have to cook, clean, do your laundry, or even provide a rent-free place for you to live when you are 20+.

The worst part is many people are vilifying people who move out, calling them stupid and boasting about how those who do live at home are so much better off financially. At what price does this come? Your parents are affording you this lifestyle (directly or indirectly) and no matter how much you argue that you chip in for rent or pay for groceries, it doesn't matter.

I've often wondered how so many people, especially at such a relatively young age (20's) are affording Carpe Diem boots and Brioni suits. I get it now.

Actually, my parents are getting mad at me for moving out. Having kids in the house (especially older ones with good jobs) brings a lot of value. My brother and I have finished the entire first floor of the house, built two decks around the house, installed new tiles, carpetting and wood floors, and probably added about $200,000 in value to our parents home.


Perhaps that's "rediculous" to you, but thankfully, not everyone is like you. Maybe you were just a thankless little leach while living with your parents (oops, was that a little too harsh?) but that's not everyone's story.