Wedding Gift Etiquette

[ter1413]

Ok, new wedding gift question. My cousin is getting married who I saw recently, but haven't seen in probably the last 8 years. I am invited to his wedding which is inconveniently out of town when I also have to be inconveniently out of town the following weekend for my friend from college's wedding. Should my decline to attend my cousin's wedding include money in a card? Do I give as much as if I went? Do I put anything in the card at all?

If you don't want to go, send a card and throw some $ in there. Maybe $100-150.

 

[patrickBOOTH]

That's what I was thinking.

 

[Owens]

I realize this has maybe been beaten to death, but the best rule of thumb is to consider the approximate cost of the meal and other questions (is it open bar, drink tickets, cash bar etc) and then add 15-30% on top of it. $300 for an open bar, quality dinner would be appropriate.

 

[patrickBOOTH]

So one of the weddings (that was on a Thursday) that I originally inquired about on here and complained about, the person has already divorced and is getting remarried in a couple of months... IN MIAMI. Do I give the same amount of money for a remarriage AND destination wedding?

Also months after this I have a destination wedding in the south of France. How much do I give for that?

 

[ValidusLA]

I would generally say for a 2nd or later wedding you shouldn't feel the need to do as much. Now that being said, if it is the 1st wedding for another party in there, then I would be inclined to treat it like a first wedding.

Destination weddings are a trickier one. Modern day etiquette says if you are buying international airfare you probably don't have to. I would still do a gift, but that has more to do with my own feelings than accepted etiquette. I think you could be safe not do much.

I think Owens point above is generally the right way to go. In my experience very few people do it though. Some people buy nice gifts, some people buy ****** gifts. My mother spends $500 on all wedding gifts as a baseline cause she likes giving presents.

My wedding was black tie and the cost per plate w/ open bar etc was quite high. We got gifts that were 10x the cost per plate and we got gifts that were $25.

 

[ter1413]

So one of the weddings (that was on a Thursday) that I originally inquired about on here and complained about, the person has already divorced and is getting remarried in a couple of months... IN MIAMI. Do I give the same amount of money for a remarriage AND destination wedding?

Also months after this I have a destination wedding in the south of France. How much do I give for that?

I went to a destination wedding in Belgium with an ex(her friends who I had previously met.) We did 7 days in London prior and then 3 days in Belgium. We gave a nice $ gift between the two of us. We spent thousands on the vacation so extra $ for the wedding gift wasn't a big deal.

Plus, we previously visited the couple in Boston(where they live) and they took care of us.

Miami? 2nd wedding? Was the first wedding local? Unless it is a good friend/family, I would pass and enjoy the S or France festivities!

 

[patrickBOOTH]

It is a good friend and his first wedding was on a Thursday... The France one is hard. I used to be closer with the couple than I am now, but like them a lot. I will already be in France in May (the France wedding is in August) and it is during peak tourist season there as well as kind of a pain to get to the location.

 

[ter1413]

Then I would pass on France. You will already visit in May. Unless you really like it and want to return a few months later(I once visited Thailand in Jan/Feb and April in 1 year), I would just head to Miami.

I'm not crazy about Miami, but you can leave on a Friday after work and catch the first flight back to NY on Sunday. You can be sitting in your condo by 2pm.

 

[patrickBOOTH]

I have never been to Miami and have no desire to go. The past two years I have been going broke on people's stupid weddings. It is ridiculous. I guess it is just a function of my age.