Wedding Gift Etiquette

[TheFoo]

What the heck do you know about pB that allows you to guess $200? Maybe you are all much closer in real life, but assuming you're all just forum buddies, I have a hard time understanding what your inferences are based on.

Also, too many other factors matter. For example, when my younger cousin got married last year, we were extra generous because we knew they were just starting out and could use the help. Plus, given that I am older, it would not hurt his ego or come across as boastful to do so. Had it been another cousin closer to my age, who perhaps had given us a certain amount for our own wedding, we would adjust accordingly. People are weird about wedding gifts. They are often construed as communicating messages that one may or may not intend.

 

[gomestar]

ok, pB, only way to solve this is to lay out your salary and expenses so we can poke around and give you an education answer to "how much should I give?"

 

[europrep]

He started the thread asking for suggestions on specific amounts, so that is what we are doing. I know the shoes he wears and that provides me enough information to provide a generalized response.

 

[ter1413]



What the heck do you know about pB that allows you to guess $200? Maybe you are all much closer in real life, but assuming you're all just forum buddies, I have a hard time understanding what your inferences are based on.

Also, too many other factors matter. For example, when my younger cousin got married last year, we were extra generous because we knew they were just starting out and could use the help. Plus, given that I am older, it would not hurt his ego or come across as boastful to do so. Had it been another cousin closer to my age, who perhaps had given us a certain amount for our own wedding, we would adjust accordingly. People are weird about wedding gifts. They are often construed as communicating messages that one may or may not intend.

Did you have to ask an online forum what/how much to give for those weddings? Well pB did. So he already admitted that he has no clue. You state that you do(probably in consultation with your wife.) Ok.

if members would have suggested $5K for a wedding that he admitted that he wasn't even gung-ho about attending, he may have felt that the amount was crazy. pB's significant other is in Cambodia. Doubtful she is also going or he would have mentioned it.

He didn't want to get a hotel(more $.) Also he sounded like he didn't really want to go(basically his words.)

So taking in all of those factors, $200 seemed like a good number.

 

[TheFoo]



Did you have to ask an online forum what/how much to give for those weddings? Well pB did. So he already admitted that he has no clue. You state that you do(probably in consultation with your wife.) Ok.

if members would have suggested $5K for a wedding that he admitted that he wasn't even gung-ho about attending, he may have felt that the amount was crazy. pB's significant other is in Cambodia. Doubtful she is also going or he would have mentioned it.

He didn't want to get a hotel(more $.) Also he sounded like he didn't really want to go(basically his words.)

So taking in all of those factors, $200 seemed like a good number.

You said a bunch of stuff. Then you said $200.

 

[ter1413]



You said a bunch of stuff. Then you said $200.

You once again are "trying" to prove that you know more than everyone else. Yet you don't. Sorry.
Re-read the thread if you need to.

 

[TheFoo]



You once again are "trying" to prove that you know more than everyone else. Yet you don't. Sorry.
Re-read the thread if you need to.

All you're doing is throwing out a number that feels right to you, given your experiences and circumstances, but which may have no applicability to pB at all. This is not a good "rule of thumb" scenario, particularly since one wedding involves family, which can be particularly political.

 

[Piobaire]

I'm going to suggest $200 as a pretty good number. Adjust as you see fit but start with $200.

 

[jcman311]



I've never liked the "cover your plate" rule. A gift is a gift, not payment.

True, but it is a start... To get you into the ballpark. Even a card counts and shows you care. It really chapped ****** that a few gave nothing at my wedding... That is until I didnt have to hand write a personal thank you for nothing.

 

[TheFoo]



True, but it is a start... To get you into the ballpark. Even a card counts and shows you care. It really chapped ****** that a few gave nothing at my wedding... That is until I didnt have to hand write a personal thank you for nothing.

They probably just forgot and didn't mean to not give anything. We are guilty of that.

 

[Piobaire]



I've never liked the "cover your plate" rule. A gift is a gift, not payment.

I agree with this. It's "cover your plate, add a gift on top."

 

[ehkay]

But then you're limited to things that are smaller than a cloche handle, aren't you?

 

[patrickBOOTH]



If pB was a multimillionaire(maybe he is), then he may feel that $10K is "standard."
If he isn't, he may feel that $200 is about right/too much or too little. But that $200 number may be right in his wheelhouse without having to think about it too much.

I don't really like these kind of statements. Multimillionaires live on earth and are aware that the general population doesn't throw around that kind of money, willy-nilly. Just because they can easily afford it doesn't mean they are ignorant to general spending/costs based on where they live.

ok, pB, only way to solve this is to lay out your salary and expenses so we can poke around and give you an education answer to "how much should I give?"

What do my expenses have to do with how much I should give?

I've been asking around and I have gotten everything from $75 to $300. I might have to average it. The last wedding I went to was a friend of mine's and we all had just graduated college. I gave him $200 based on nothing really. I figured, meh, hundred bucks a piece.

 

[patrickBOOTH]

I think what is making me even more nervous than how they will react to my gift is how Style Forum will react to what I end up giving.

 

[jcman311]



I think what is making me even more nervous than how they will react to my gift is how Style Forum will react to what I end up giving.

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