I broke up with my gf (general breakup thread)

[hendrix]



This isn't about a girlfriend (because F that), but this girl I've been hanging out with for the last two months and get along really well with just told me she thinks the Israelis were behind 9/11. Now I'm all for a healthy amount of skepticism about most things, but damn, really? I know it's a popular view in the Middle East, I just didn't expect to encounter it here. My jaw dropped and I just stammered when she said that. Luckily she just began Ramadan so I won't see her much for awhile, giving me a very convenient way to let things work themselves, and her, out.

good luck with anyone that religious anyway. Not that they're necessarily crazy, just that you always get this guilty feeling that you're ruining their life by having no intention of marrying them...

 

[Nil]



good luck with anyone that religious anyway. Not that they're necessarily crazy, just that you always get this guilty feeling that you're ruining their life by having no intention of marrying them...

She isn't that religious. She drinks and has sex at least, anyway. I can't deal with the crazy ideas though.

 

[willpower]



Turns out it wasn't even a booty call. It was a "I just had to see you, and I want to stay friends with you as long as possible and somewhere down the line when we aren't living on opposite coasts I want to get back together again"....

I should have listened. Now I'm going to spend another year just waiting for another chance.

Or, you can go out and find a new GF. She's not the only one. You live in LA, not Nome. Maintaining your focus on this one chick will only keep you unhappy and longing, plus it'll be the perfect excuse not to seek some of life's pleasures elsewhere. You've got a choice - why not choose to be happy and optimistic that you'll find an even better chick? It's inevitable and certain.


http://www.thedailybeast.com/articl...nd-breakups-pain-and-how-to-get-over-him.html

 

[APK]

Will, surprise, is right again. I squandered a lot of months in my social life past the acceptable mourning period after the girl I thought was "the one" ended things with me. Part of that was my delusional thinking that something would bring us back together.

Look, I enjoy happy endings ripped from the pages of a rom-com script. I don't like to say "never." But don't put your life on pause, subconsciously or not, for someone who may never again reciprocate your love.

 

[ConcernedParent]



Will, surprise, is right again. I squandered a lot of months in my social life past the acceptable mourning period after the girl I thought was "the one" ended things with me. Part of that was my delusional thinking that something would bring us back together.

Look, I enjoy happy endings ripped from the pages of a rom-com script. I don't like to say "never." But don't put your life on pause, subconsciously or not, for someone who may never again reciprocate your love.

Or, you can go out and find a new GF. She's not the only one. You live in LA, not Nome. Maintaining your focus on this one chick will only keep you unhappy and longing, plus it'll be the perfect excuse not to seek some of life's pleasures elsewhere. You've got a choice - why not choose to be happy and optimistic that you'll find an even better chick? It's inevitable and certain.


http://www.thedailybeast.com/articl...nd-breakups-pain-and-how-to-get-over-him.html

I know I know. I'm young and in college, and when I'm not in school I'm in one of the largest cities in America, lotta opportunities, etc... It's just so hard to mentally and emotionally shut yourself out of something you've been familiar with for so long (she was my best friend for years and years before we started dating... and we ended because of geographic circumstance).

I've dated and hooked up plenty inbetween being apart (I'm sure she has too), but atleast for me, nothing else has felt right yet.

 

[lasbar69]

I ended a 20 month relationship on Friday, I feel for you man. I'm going far away for college and that broke her heart, still trying to figure out what I can learn from the whole thing.

You're going to college...

The last thing you want is to be in a long term relationship when you're there...

Have fun because you will have time later for monogamy..

 

[gettoasty]

should i text her back?? god...we're just friends now. should i put my feelings aside/ego/whatever and still talk to her, only if she calls/texts first.

last night she said she appreciates everything i have done for her and etc. right before i deactivated my fb, fml. i made her all sad again by bringing it all back up.

i guess it was the "closure" i was looking for...

AM I BEING A *****?? (if i continue talking to her "as friends" -- we still share the dog/battling for custody rofl)


well, i caved and texting her back...and forth...and back (i told her she's free with her pup now, in a snarky way. no text back lol.) i feel like steve carell

 

[Nil]

You people need to stop trying to be friends with your exes immediately after you break up. That **** does not work. Let me repeat: THAT **** DOES NOT WORK. You're not the exception, the fact that you're conflicted proves this. Give it a 9 months to a year or even longer, then maybe. Otherwise, stop ******* trying to be friends with your exes.

 

[lasbar]



You people need to stop trying to be friends with your exes immediately after you break up. That **** does not work. Let me repeat: THAT **** DOES NOT WORK. You're not the exception, the fact that you're conflicted proves this. Give it a 9 months to a year or even longer, then maybe. Otherwise, stop ******* trying to be friends with your exes.

Very good point...

Give it one of two years and let the selective memory flows...

 

[gettoasty]

Well what am I to do if she keeps texting me? Let it be until it just dies off? Like I said, I am just too nice. I cannot play the asshole card and just ignore/block her number. I deactivated FB for my own piece of mind b/c I know I would just be scouring the pages being bummed. (I am not looking back, may end up just deleting as well)

Is it weird if the relationship just dissolved, and we are so comfortable with each other that friends was just a sad inevitable conclusion?
I am not saying FWB--we both just feel like we are comfortable at being friends. Is that ******* weird? Are we just being nice? Is that really weird that people come into a intimate relationship only to end up as friends. Does that even happen often? (Comments here say 'not')

(Our emotional attachment/feelings really faded, but we still have mutual respect/care for each other).

I am not trying to justify anything, only in trying to understand it all. And it is helping in speaking my mind..

Am I heartless if I didn't even care if she dated someone else atm. I feel like I ran these scenarios through my head so many times that I am already numb/already come to terms.


the reality is though, I am beat to **** inside and suffocating. thankfully i feel like i've been through enough of these situations in the past to have some sense. emotionally i feel stuck, but rationally i am already moving on.

 

[willpower]



Well what am I to do if she keeps texting me? Let it be until it just dies off? Like I said, I am just too nice. I cannot play the asshole card and just ignore/block her number.

Wait until she starts complaining about her new boyfriend to you. http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

 

[APK]



Well what am I to do if she keeps texting me? Let it be until it just dies off? Like I said, I am just too nice. I cannot play the asshole card and just ignore/block her number. I deactivated FB for my own piece of mind b/c I know I would just be scouring the pages being bummed. (I am not looking back, may end up just deleting as well)

Is it weird if the relationship just dissolved, and we are so comfortable with each other that friends was just a sad inevitable conclusion?
I am not saying FWB--we both just feel like we are comfortable at being friends. Is that ******* weird? Are we just being nice? Is that really weird that people come into a intimate relationship only to end up as friends. Does that even happen often? (Comments here say 'not')

(Our emotional attachment/feelings really faded, but we still have mutual respect/care for each other).

I am not trying to justify anything, only in trying to understand it all. And it is helping in speaking my mind..

Am I heartless if I didn't even care if she dated someone else atm. I feel like I ran these scenarios through my head so many times that I am already numb/already come to terms.


the reality is though, I am beat to **** inside and suffocating. thankfully i feel like i've been through enough of these situations in the past to have some sense. emotionally i feel stuck, but rationally i am already moving on.

I only skimmed this, but Nil sums up the necessary course of action. If you can be friends at some point, swell. But you'll save yourself anguish if you put some space between your romantic relationship with this girl and your friendship with this girl. Even if you're past the idea of being romantically linked to her, you'll most likely strengthen a friendship with this girl if you both allow the necessary time for any residual romantic feelings to wash away.

 

[Svenn]



Had a standoff once with a girl after we both realized early in the relationship that neither one had ever been dumped--there was a nice awkward silence after the "oh, I've never been dumped either". I think it ended about as mutual as it could be, but I brought it up and said the words so I guess I won that battle (not that the signs weren't there that she was probably getting ready to do it).

I dont know your situation obviously but I had a couple girls tell me they'd never been dumped... the smug sense of pride they had about it, part of a deeper pattern of insecurity methinks, reactively led me to eventually dumping both

 

[lasbar]



I dont know your situation obviously but I had a couple girls tell me they'd never been dumped... the smug sense of pride they had about it, part of a deeper pattern of insecurity methinks, reactively led me to eventually dumping both

I can't stand girls saying that...

I have never been dumped is such a stupid statement...

I had a girlfriend at college who told me I have to be careful because men were always falling in love with her and she was scared to hurt me...

I did laugh quite a lot afterwards because she was neither pretty ,intelligent or good in bed..

 

[Svenn]



I can't stand girls saying that...

I have never been dumped is such a stupid statement...

I had a girlfriend at college who told me I have to be careful because men were always falling in love with her and she was scared to hurt me...

I did laugh quite a lot afterwards because she was neither pretty ,intelligent or good in bed..

Exactly, the girls I mentioned were the same way- constantly going off about how I 'better be careful' lest I 'get hurt,' mentioning every single guy that flirted with them, and indeed neither were that good in bed, attractive or intelligent (despite being in grad school like myself). I was naive at the time and bought into their act for a while- for a young guy that's relatively secure with himself and been around laid-back people his whole life, to all of a sudden be thrust into a relationship with a status-oriented, self-promoting individual can be quite disorienting and you get sucked into it. I have since found hotter, smarter chicks who interestingly have more of an innocence about them, since they're not constantly putting up that guard of insecurity. If the former had girls had simply expressed whatever their insecurity was in open communication, instead of repressing it with that other irritating behavior, I would have been much more willing to stay with them.