1. And... we're back. You'll notice that all of your images are back as well, as are our beloved emoticons, including the infamous :foo: We have also worked with our server folks and developers to fix the issues that were slowing down the site.

    There is still work to be done - the images in existing sigs are not yet linked, for example, and we are working on a way to get the images to load faster - which will improve the performance of the site, especially on the pages with a ton of images, and we will continue to work diligently on that and keep you updated.

    Cheers,

    Fok on behalf of the entire Styleforum team
    Dismiss Notice

I broke up with my gf (general breakup thread)

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Matt, Dec 21, 2008.

  1. Neo_Version 7

    Neo_Version 7 Senior member

    Messages:
    19,625
    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2007
    You're not asking yourself the most important question: who dresses bettter? You or him? :foo:
     
  2. indesertum

    indesertum Senior member

    Messages:
    17,863
    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2007
    Location:
    omicron persei 8
    I need advice

    My long term girlfriend broke up with me.
    The primary reason was that she didn't love me anymore and the biggest reason for that was that she felt like we didn't really have a good connection or share similar interests. It's the same thing that I felt for a few years now, but every time I mentioned it she convinced me that we could make it work. I thought we could make it work and I guess now she doesn't anymore. We called each other every day but most of the time we would just be sitting, doing our own thing and listening to each other do their thing and not really talking. I tended to ignore her or half hear her a lot. She always used to try to trick me to catch not hearing her by throwing in random statements and the like and while it didn't work all the time in the beginning it did. I realized I didn't really find her stories very interesting. We had different kinds of humor. I remember one time we were hanging out with friends. I made a joke and a friend laughed hard while she didn't (as usual) and just rolled her eyes and asked her why she found it funny. The opposite happened too when she made fun conversation with another friend and I wasn't really engaged or laughing. I remember so many times where I had to compromise the things I wanted to do with her wanting to just stay home. We made a trip to Bend and like always I was really interested in going to breweries and eating out, but like always she complained she was tired and just wanted to go back and stay at the motel. Generally we'd have to call it a night at like 9 or 10. I liked watching the latest entertaining movies predominantly action thriller type guy movies and those were always too scary for her to watch and she was tired and suggest we just watch Netflix and we'd end more often than not just simply not watching anything or doing anything. She got really tired from work a lot so it was understandable to me. I made a solid effort at learning Mandarin so I could communicate with her family and friends and she gave a small effort trying to learn the Korean alphabet but it never went anywhere.

    I just have this emptiness in my chesticle area. Her family was such a large part of my life for such a long time. I've been to her middle sister's wedding and a cousin's wedding. An uncle gave me money when I graduated. So many dinners and weekends spent with them. I'm not sure how interactions with my college friends will go now because we basically had the same friends. She never got along very well with my dad. Her dad really didn't like me. She's also super sensitive and a random perceived slight would have her go into a temper tantrum. I've always been super patient with her, very rarely got angry with her (could probably count on two maybe one hand the number of times I've gotten angry at her enough to yell) and would try to help her get out of the mood by talking her out of it and more often than not it wouldn't help and I would just give up.

    I guess I thought love was supposed to be hard and a chore and it was something you work at. I feel kind of betrayed that she convinced me many times that we could make it work when I had doubts and I couldn't convince her that we could make it work when she had doubts. I also really regret that I saw the problems in advance and didn't try harder to fix them.

    I'm so extremely tempted to call her again or text again tonight asking if we can still make it if we work harder at it. On the other hand I am partly relieved that this happened. I feel a little liberated. I also strongly feel that a lack of feeling can't be overcome with effort. She made it pretty clear that she doesn't love me anymore. It just seems so fickle to me. I never imagined love was something that could just disappear.

    I feel like half of me is missing. She was my best friend for 5 years. She's been there for me when times were really tough and encouraged me so much. And more than anything I really miss the physical intimacy and odd cute moments we would share.

    I'm in shock


    What do I do? What do I not do?
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2015
  3. ter1413

    ter1413 Senior member

    Messages:
    18,042
    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2009
    Location:
    Central Booking
    

    Call a friend or 2 and go out and have a beer and put it behind you. Them are the magic words above! All of the other BS(family weddings, common friends, etc) is just that..BS now.
    Move on!



    [​IMG]


    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2015
    3 people like this.
  4. otc

    otc Senior member

    Messages:
    14,206
    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2008
    Sorry man, I don't think you can make it work. I don't even think you really want to make it work.

    You guys started dating at a very different time in your life. You certainly aren't the first people to come out of college, keep dating for way longer than you should have, only to discover you weren't right for each other's adult lives.
     
    2 people like this.
  5. edinatlanta

    edinatlanta Senior member

    Messages:
    25,413
    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2008
    Location:
    Wit' Yo' Baby Momma
    Plan a visit to Atlanta and hang with your boy
     
  6. ter1413

    ter1413 Senior member

    Messages:
    18,042
    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2009
    Location:
    Central Booking
    


    indesertum knows Matt Ryan?
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2015
  7. ter1413

    ter1413 Senior member

    Messages:
    18,042
    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2009
    Location:
    Central Booking
    

    And let me add to this....

    Don't be crying like a little bitch about it. Stop with the daily "good morning" texts. Stop with the Facebook stalking. Stop with the wanting to be a part of every event that your common friends have. Stop with the "what are you doing for your birthday/holiday/etc?" Stop with the "I was thinking about you" call.

    STOP with all that shit!
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2015
  8. indesertum

    indesertum Senior member

    Messages:
    17,863
    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2007
    Location:
    omicron persei 8
    Thanks for the advice guys. I'm a little surprised at how well the breakup went. I'm surprised at how little emotion was involved on her part and relatively on mine. I'm not stalking her or constantly texting her and have yet to call her again.

    I deserve everything that happened but I also agree a little with her that we weren't a great fit.

    One thing is I would really like to have another conversation and talk about the things that went wrong, how we could fix or avoid them in the future with other people, and give and listen to advice from each other. Mainly I want to do this for a sense of closure which I feel like would at least help me move on. I'm not sure if she wants to do this. I also do need to talk to her about what I should send her and what I shouldn't send her.

    Do I do it today? After a week or two? Or never talk to her again and just have a box show up on her doorstep?

    She mentioned driving up here to pick up things but she also sounded hesitant about that. Made it sound like she doesn't want to see me again
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2015
  9. ter1413

    ter1413 Senior member

    Messages:
    18,042
    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2009
    Location:
    Central Booking
    Do NOT suggest a talk about what went wrong. That's lame right now.
    Do NOT initiate a convo re what to send and what to not send back.

    Don't do any of that shit today. Pack up her stuff in a box and put in in your closet. When/if she calls and says that she wants to come and get her stuff..just say..no prob. I have it all in a box.

    If she doesn't suggest coming to get the stuff anytime soon, let it sit in your closet. No need to contact anytime soon to make it happen.

    Also, of course you can talk to her in the future. But I would suggest right now, let it be.

    I e-mail ex GF's every birthday and we usually end up having a 2-3 day e-mail exchange on how each of us has been. 2 of them are married.
    I meet up with an ex GF for lunch every now and then in the city. She is married. We are great friends.

    We still communicate.....but we were apart for a while before all of that started up. You(and she) need to let it go. Then when you(and she) has moved on, it will be easier to have a somewhat "friendship."
     
    2 people like this.
  10. indesertum

    indesertum Senior member

    Messages:
    17,863
    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2007
    Location:
    omicron persei 8
  11. ter1413

    ter1413 Senior member

    Messages:
    18,042
    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2009
    Location:
    Central Booking
    

    Your bill is in the mail.
     
  12. hendrix

    hendrix Senior member

    Messages:
    9,452
    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2009
    

    Let me help you out here:

    There is no such thing as closure. Many things went wrong that could have been avoided. Many things also went right. Even knowing what went wrong isn't going to help you feel better or help you for future relationships.
     
    2 people like this.
  13. indesertum

    indesertum Senior member

    Messages:
    17,863
    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2007
    Location:
    omicron persei 8
    You really don't think that knowing what went wrong would help prepare for future relationships?
     
    1 person likes this.
  14. ter1413

    ter1413 Senior member

    Messages:
    18,042
    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2009
    Location:
    Central Booking
    




    Preach on!
     
  15. Ambulance Chaser

    Ambulance Chaser Senior member

    Messages:
    9,790
    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2002
    Location:
    Washington, D.C.
    Lesson for future relationships? Date someone who laughs at your jokes and shares your passions. You don't need a discussion for that.
     
    2 people like this.
  16. texas_jack

    texas_jack Senior member

    Messages:
    10,229
    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2006
    Location:
    Hobart, IN
    what is long term? Just curious
     
  17. indesertum

    indesertum Senior member

    Messages:
    17,863
    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2007
    Location:
    omicron persei 8
    my post was pretty long. we dated for 5 years. i've known her for 9.

    i so badly wanted to write about how much shame i felt today when i realized how badly i mistreated and belittled her by not listening to her stories whole heartedly like she did for my stupid stories about basketball and alcohol. after i wrote it i dont really want to anymore.
     
  18. ter1413

    ter1413 Senior member

    Messages:
    18,042
    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2009
    Location:
    Central Booking
    

    So you don't need to sit down and discuss shit. You know that you were a dick to her. No need to go over it again and again.
     
    1 person likes this.

Share This Page

Styleforum is proudly sponsored by