Going childless in the U.S.

[Connemara]

Originally Posted by Piobaire

Late 30s, no kids. No plans to have them either. I'm the second youngest of 11 kids. Ain't nothing I don't know about kids. No need to have my own. Read King Lear. I see it played out time and time IRL at work.
I've gotta imagine that the ability to fly to Aruba for a week of sunshine or Vegas for a few days of hedonism is seriously inhibited by children. My aunt is late 40's, no children, unmarried (we don't think she's a dyke, but I dunno

). During her lifetime, she's lived all over the U.S. (Boston, Phoenix, San Francisco, Hawaii for many years) and all over the world (most recently Italy). She's never made much money, but she seems pretty happy. Well, she's unemployed now and is sort of a caretaker for my grandparents, so she's not that happy at the moment.

 

[Jumbie]

Originally Posted by Connemara

I've gotta imagine that the ability to fly to Aruba for a week of sunshine or Vegas for a few days of hedonism is seriously inhibited by children.

For the most part, this is true. So many people are locked down by their kids. Some are responsible about it but others aren't e.g. I am constantly horrified by the many examples of "bad parenting" I see when I go out and people are dragging their toddlers with them late at night when those kids should be home in bed.

My mother had it good. We lived with my grandparents (normal in come cultures) so she had a built-in baby sitter. My older sister's crib was actually in my grandmother's room once I came along.

The affluent can also afford full-time nannies. My friend's older cousin takes 2 with him even while travelling.

 

[thekunk07]

i'm 33 with 8, 6 and 4 year olds. ******* with foreplay is about as much of a life as me and the mrs. have.
we get out 4 to 5 times a year, but it mostly our own fault.

 

[Connemara]

Originally Posted by thekunk07

i'm 33 with 8, 6 and 4 year olds. ******* with foreplay is about as much of a life as me and the mrs. have. we get out 4 to 5 times a year, but it mostly our own fault.
That doesn't sound so great.

 

[thekunk07]

^it's fine. we screw a lot, and i go out with my employees once a week-and they're the best company cause they have no choice but to adore me and listen to me. we don't watch much tv so we do lots of cool **** with the kids.

it's just that babysitters are expensive and unreliable, my mom's house is housekept like an old woman died there years ago and when my mother-in-law babysits, we pay in blood.

 

[globetrotter]

Originally Posted by thekunk07

^it's fine. we screw a lot, and i go out with my employees once a week-and they're the best company cause they have no choice but to adore me and listen to me. we don't watch much tv so we do lots of cool **** with the kids.

it's just that babysitters are expensive and unreliable, my mom's house is housekept like an old woman died there years ago and when my mother-in-law babysits, we pay in blood.


yeah, I have a similar life, just without all the sex......

 

[SkinnyGoomba]

seems like all my older friends with kids are very happy that they have them in their lives.

Me, i'm not so sure i want kids, at least not until i'm in my 30's. Optimally i'd like to be at a point in my life where i can spend alot of time with them, and i just dont see that happening in my 20's, and probably not my early 30's.

If i have kids, i want to be around alot for them.

 

[Astan]

Personally I've never heard of a person looking back on their lives and wishing they never had kids. The other way around though...

 

[rdawson808]

Late 30s no kids, not having any.
My wife is more against having them than I, if that's possible.

The reasons why are many. However, most revolve around simply liking our lives as they are. Children have an obviously huge impact on that. And neither of us particularly feels a need to procreate. We don't view having a child as a sign of our love for one another or anything like that.

There are other minor things that keep us from it too:
I'm afraid I'd be an over-bearing parent who forces his kids to do the things he didn't (go to an elite liberal arts college, for instance).
The kids may grow up to disappoint us in hilarious ways: "What do you mean you want to play football/be a cheerleader?" No, you can't own a gun; I don't care if you're 40 years old, I'm still your father." Etc.
Not wanting to turn out like our friends with kids who don't seem to have the time to RSVP to a dinner invitation, much less actually spend any time with those of us who don't have kids.

And there are days when I don't want kids just to spite all the MFs who tell us we're selfish for not wanting them, who tell us we'll regret it, who tell us we'll change our minds when we're older (what, 50?), or who in other ways treat us like outcasts because we're not having kids.

I'm sure kids are the ultimate joy for those who have them. And for many (not all) whose lives come to a screaching halt once they have kids, I think that's all their own doing. Hire a sitter. Save some money when you can for a trip and ask grandma and grandpa to watch them for a few days, etc. It can be done. It may not be easy, but it can be done. Too many parents just choose not to.

b

 

[grimslade]

Originally Posted by kwilkinson

On an evolutionary, instinctive level, that's all it ever was. Besides, none of this affects you.

That's wrong. It was about perpetuating your genetic line. Which is selfish.

 

[Dewey]

Funny how some parents tend to regard people their own age, without kids, as selfish and childish. Selfish as in, they live for themselves and make (relatively) few sacrifices of their time and ambition. Childish as in, they never grow up and stay mopey like a twentysomething.

And then on the other hand, some childless people tend to regard people their own age, with kids, as selfish and childish. Selfish in that they succumb to some primitive instinct to reproduce themselves and/or play king of a home and rule over some toddlers. Childish as in, they indulge childish tastes and constantly talk about children and their point of view.

It's a pretty big decision to make with your life. People should probably refrain from making judgments about how other people made the decision. It's not a good divide to have in society, between the families and the childless

 

[ratboycom]

I must say that being an uncle is pretty cool. Get to hang out and play with the kids and spoil them but if there is ever a problem, give them back to my siblings. I also dont have to worry about cleaning them or feeding them healthy food. I just wish they were old enough to go fishing or play video games with me before I moved.

 

[tattersall]

We're late thirties with two kids - 3.5 year-old girl and 16month old boy. They're wonderful additions to our life. I've been with my wife for 15 years now and we've always had a great relationship - having kids has made it even better.

 

[Bradford]

I love having kids, but I certainly know lots of single people and couples in their 30's-50's who don't have children and probably never will. Don't know that it's as high as 20% though.

 

[Thomas]

Originally Posted by longskate88

I plan to do it myself, hopefully the gf doesn't change her mind later on. She says she dislikes kids as much as I do, but everyone keeps saying "That'll change when you're older."

Anyone go from NOT wanting kids in their younger days, to wanting them in their mid-life?

Mrs. Thomas and I went through this - but we've both waffled. First we said - dogs and that's it. Then it was cats. All our friends have children but we don't feel like outcasts among them. We took in a foreign exchange student for a year and decided we like having more people around the house (above a certain age, thankyouverymuch), and went with adoption. There are other reasons not worth expounding on as to why we went adoption, but there you go.

Could I deal with an infant - even my own flesh and blood? Doubt it, at the moment. We reserve the right to make on of our own someday, but but the time Mrs. Thomas gets out of law school, I'll be pushing 40, and will likely have forgotten how the whole thing happens!