Going childless in the U.S.

[thekunk07]

^not casting judgement, just wondering why married if no kids in the cards? companionship.
i would never have committed to life with a single partner if i didn't plan on having kids. would have luxuriated my member in crazy chicks and expensive prostitutes probably.

conversely, i'd probably have some liquidity if it was just me and the mrs.

 

[Connemara]

Originally Posted by thekunk07

^not casting judgement, just wondering why married if no kids in the cards? companionship. i would never have committed to life with a single partner if i didn't plan on having kids. would have luxuriated my member in crazy chicks and expensive prostitutes probably. conversely, i'd probably have some liquidity if it was just me and the mrs.

 

[Piobaire]

Originally Posted by thekunk07

^not casting judgement, just wondering why married if no kids in the cards? companionship.
i would never have committed to life with a single partner if i didn't plan on having kids. would have luxuriated my member in crazy chicks and expensive prostitutes probably.

conversely, i'd probably have some liquidity if it was just me and the mrs.

I think if you marry someone just to use her womb as a birthing tank, you should probably re-think the whole marriage thing. I married my wife for her personal qualities, not her ability to birth my children. Which, as it turns out, was a good thing.

Leading the crazy bachelor life your entire life is fine for some. Having a passle of kids by 25 is fine for some. Having a productive life with someone you love and not having kids is fine for some. I say if people are happy with their situation, leave them the **** alone and don't judge them for being happy as they are.

Mind you, I'd not trade in my crazy bachelor days for a Nobel Prize

 

[thekunk07]

^no, i agree completely-to each his/her own. the fact that my wife is who she is and that we share values and i thought she'd be a great mother to my children were all factors in me deciding to marry her. that and her *********.

it's just that most people i know (not most people, just the ones i know of) that were married and made a conscious decision not to have kids regretted it later in life.

 

[rdawson808]

Originally Posted by thekunk07

^not casting judgement, just wondering why married if no kids in the cards? companionship.

Having kids does not require the parents to be married either. Why do you think it is necessary? Your point seems to be one of commitment. You "committed" to your wife because you wanted children. You could have committed to her in the same way, and had children, without marrying her.

I married my wife because I love her and, as silly as it seems, this codifies it. This says it to the world. Let's not forget the legal benefits of being married that are swept up in one short ceremony compared to the hassle and legal fees that must be paid if we wanted the same without the marriage.


Dewey makes perhaps the most important point: we really need to not judge one another for this choice. It is very personal and up to each of us to decide for ourselves if we want kids. My only comment to those who want them is to be the best parent you can. Other than that, I don't give a damn why you have them.

b

 

[Get Smart]

Mrs Smart and I are DINKs and will stay that way..as are many of our friends

 

[Piobaire]

Originally Posted by thekunk07

^no, i agree completely-to each his/her own. the fact that my wife is who she is and that we share values and i thought she'd be a great mother to my children were all factors in me deciding to marry her. that and her *********.

it's just that most people i know (not most people, just the ones i know of) that were married and made a conscious decision not to have kids regretted it later in life.

We've decided not to adopt, and I think we'll be good with that. I know plenty of people that get nothing but grief from their kids, both emotionally and/or financially. Again, read King Lear. I tell that to everyone that is thinking about signing over a power of attorney to a child.

 

[dkzzzz]

Originally Posted by iammatt

We decided not to have them for a number of reasons, most already covered.

Unfotunately this world and european civilization will come to end because of people like you. I hope Obama will establish agency that would force people like you to procreate.

 

[Piobaire]

Originally Posted by dkzzzz

Unfotunately this world and european civilization will come to end because of people like you. I hope Obama will establish agency that would force people like you to procreate.

I think Matt is the last person Obama wants raising kids. He'd program them all wrong, from Barry and Michelle's POV.

 

[EL72]

I am 36 yo with three kids (6, 4 and 1) and wish I could have another. I love being with my kids and would rather be with them than anywhere else 99% of the time. We have the best nanny (live-in) in the world so that makes our lives much easier since both my wife and I work full-time.

I understand and respect those couples who don't want kids. I guess they don't know what they're missing. It's hard to explain how things in life take on a different meaning when you hang out with these little people that are like a part of you.

 

[globetrotter]

Originally Posted by EL72

I am 36 yo with three kids (6, 4 and 1) and wish I could have another. I love being with my kids and would rather be with them than anywhere else 99% of the time. We have the best nanny (live-in) in the world so that makes our lives much easier since both my wife and I work full-time.

I understand and respect those couples who don't want kids. I guess they don't know what they're missing. It's hard to explain how things in life take on a different meaning when you hang out with these little people that are like a part of you.

+1

 

[celery]

Everyone always says, "I want to have a baby." Or "I want to have a child."

But I have never heard someone says, "I want to have a teenager."

My brother and I have 8 years difference between us. I helped raise him and he's finally 18 now, managed to make it though the teens, but holy hell. No thanks. Kids are cute from infancy to around 3 years old. Then they're horrible, time consuming, annoying, expensive. By the time they're 6 years old, they've most likely said that they hate you and wish they had never been born. If not, it's coming.

Basically, you will experience worry and grief on a regular basis. Of course, you'll have the whole unconditional love thing, but don't worry, you'll have plently of disappointments on the way. Espescially as a child wants a separate identity than the narrow one you have been trying to create for them. Maybe your kid doesn't want to play sports, maybe they don't like pasta, maybe they're not as smart as you think they are.

Also, people with children tend to have nothing else to talk about but their child. When my gf and I babysit her nephew over the weekend all of a sudden the next week at work all my stories revolve around what we did with the kid. Because there isn't anything else. He's 2 and needs almost constant supervision as well as new activities due to having a short attention span.

All of that can be yours! But wait there's more! Like the average $250,000 it takes to raise a child from infancy to adulthood.

And in the end, your child may not be who you wanted them to be. In fact, they may grow up to be total douchebags who will have their pictures taken off myspace (or it's equivalent) and posted on a clothing forum as an example of what a douchebag is when someone asks.

 

[Piobaire]

Originally Posted by celery

Also, people with children tend to have nothing else to talk about but their child.

+97 on that. Years ago, I worked the midnight shift on the floor in a hospital. My three co-worker peers were women. They'd come in and spend the first two hours talking about the dump their kid took, etc. I'd go right to work. One day, they accused me of not doing a thorough job. I asked them their rationale on that charge, as I did a more thorough job than them, IMO. They said I was always done an hour before them, ergo, must not be doing a thorough job. I pointed out I don't sit for the first two hours of my shift and talk about baby poop, but rather go right to work. Got a big, "OMFG, he's just handed us our asses," look from them. I also pointed out I spent a fair bit of my time helping them out.

But they still talked about baby poop for the first two hours of their shifts.

 

[rdawson808]

Originally Posted by EL72

I guess they don't know what they're missing.

And this is what elicits a strong **** YOU from me. How dare you belittle me like this? I am not an idiot. I know what comes with parenthood (the good and the bad). I'm both intelligent and adult enough to make this choice for myself. By the same logic as yours I can tell you that you don't know what you're missing by not staying childless.

How do you not see that this attitude is condescending and rude?

b

 

[Piobaire]

Originally Posted by rdawson808

And this is what elicits a strong **** YOU from me. How dare you belittle me like this? I am not an idiot. I know what comes with parenthood (the good and the bad). I'm both intelligent and adult enough to make this choice for myself. By the same logic as yours I can tell you that you don't know what you're missing by not staying childless.

How do you not see that this attitude is condescending and rude?

b

I wasn't going to comment on that statement, but yeah, that's painting with a large brush. Since I'm the second youngest of 11 kids (my oldest brother is/was actually one year older than my mother (father's second wife = my mother)) I know everything there is to know about kids. I've helped raise a passle of them in terms of my nieces and nephews, great nieces and nephews, and even was there to baby sit constantly for a great, great niece.

Another rather irksome thing, back when I was a line employee, was being asked to work a holiday when it was not my turn. The rationale was always, "Since you don't have kids..." What? My life means less since I don't have a kid? That always got a big NOT from me.