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My wife and I are both "progressive," but we understand that if either of us is staying home, we'd be expected to do the lion's share of cooking, cleaning, etc.
To wit, currently my wife is working 60-70 hours finishing up her PhD. I work maybe 30 hours a week (and earn more money, but that's irrelevant). I do most all the cooking, we split cleaning depending on how much she can deal with each week. Last year, I was the one working crazy hours, and she picked up the slack. It's a partnership, not a duel over social conventions of gender roles.
It sounds like the OP's wife hasn't really rectified the differences between her actions (basically a housewife) with her "progressive" philosophy, and is left without an equal role in the partnership of the marriage.
This was very much us (she has a PhD, and I an advanced degree but make the money). Once the baby came into the picture our relationship dynamic crashed. She does not like the idea of being a housewife, and has rebelled against doing housewife things so I'm stuck on the **** end in many different ways.