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21st century women can be difficult

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by SirGrotius, May 7, 2011.

  1. Connemara

    Connemara [URL='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jST2Sv63WQ']

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    Indeed, there is some good material there.
    Sounds like a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode. I mean that in a good way.
     


  2. juliank

    juliank Senior member

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    It seems that no matter what corner of the internet I turn to marriage and the inner workings of it seems like such a drag, worse than a drag, a fucking unendurable headache. Is this strictly an American thing ? I have had and continue to have the oppurtunity to get married but threads like this totally demolish the idea for me. To the OP best of luck and hope things get worked out for you. I for one will continue to roll on in MLTR's until that isn't working anymore.
     


  3. MetroStyles

    MetroStyles Senior member

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    It seems that no matter what corner of the internet I turn to marriage and the inner workings of it seems like such a drag, worse than a drag, a fucking unendurable headache. Is this strictly an American thing ? I have had and continue to have the oppurtunity to get married but threads like this totally demolish the idea for me. To the OP best of luck and hope things get worked out for you. I for one will continue to roll on in MLTR's until that isn't working anymore.

    Most people are not very good at determining how psychotic a woman is before getting married. I recommend sleeping around a lot until you are 30 so you develop a sense for this kind of thing. You develop a bullshit/psycho meter. This way, when the right girl comes along she really stands out against the masses of crazies.
     


  4. fareau

    fareau Senior member

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    To the OP,
    As someone who works > 60 hours per week and is the father of 2.5 year old twins, I think I can support this as some of the more sound advice that has been offered so far. You married this woman for a reason, so recognize that she is not a "bad" person. You entered this union with (hopefully) the intention that this would be a lifelong partnership, and now you are facing one of the many challenges of marriage. The most important thing is to hear her out, let her give you a sense of what she is dealing with all day; if you let her verbalize this, she will be more open to hearing your concerns. The important thing is to ensure that there is a meaningful dialogue. There were times when I thought I wanted to really lash out at my wife for some of the same reasons, but we talked through it and I saw things from her perspective. And, most importantly, it slowly gets easier as the children get older, and problems that seemed so overwhelming gradually get easier. Just hang in there and continue to have faith in her; you married her for a reason. I can hear my wife downstairs right now giving the kids a bath while I sit here on my ass writing this bullshit; that would have been unthinkable a year or so ago. Again, hang in there and talk to her!!

    O.P.

    You need to have a talk with your wife, I have been in your position and there is a temporary pain. It seems we put much more effort into parenting then our parents did, there are so many "experts" in raisng a child that we neglect to do what is natural, we over think things and spend more energy parenting then we do our vocations.

    This being your first child your wife probably works as hard as you do, you can take a break from work when you need to, take a lunch on your schedule. Your wife however is held hostage by your child's schedule, this can be a small torture, especially when your child decides that they do not want to nap that day or decide that throwing up their food is more fun then just eating. Parenting's toll is culminative the lost sleep, the lack of control, the lack of touch with the outside world or lack of touch with your former life.

    Some pointers.

    1) Talk WE not HER if you come up with solutions together she may take stock and help out more.

    2) Batch cooking or slow cookers are your friend. Until you get out of the baby stage do what ever is easier to get a hold on dinner. When you cook, cook enough for a couple of days. Learn to use the slowcooker, dump what you want in the morning... dinner is ready when you come home.

    3) De-clutter make cleaning easier not harder. designate one room as a play room and confine the mess.

    4) Encourage your wife to get the stroller out. The fresh air is a wonder cure as well as all the positive attention a baby brings from the outside world. You have to fight cabin fever.

    5) Show some appreciation for what she is doing, she is raising your child. I know you are supporting her. Even if you have to fake it, it works.

    6) This took me a while.. Learn to enjoy your kids, I now come home and spend time with my kids as my "Unwind time" it is all about perspective, I turned a chore into the best part of my day.
     


  5. Mr. White

    Mr. White Senior member

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  6. Thrifter

    Thrifter Senior member

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    OP - call in sick, stay home and observe what she does all day.
     


  7. MrG

    MrG Senior member

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    I find the "women are irrational, delicate flowers that must be managed by their men" brand of chauvinism that's rearing its head in this thread to be profoundly disturbing.
     


  8. CouttsClient

    CouttsClient Senior member

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    I find the "women are irrational, delicate flowers that must be managed by their men" brand of chauvinism that's rearing its head in this thread to be profoundly disturbing.
    I agree. Happens on this forum quite a bit
     


  9. Carlisle Blues

    Carlisle Blues Senior member

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    OP - call in sick, stay home and observe what she does all day.
    In many ways that is the problem when one partner works outside the home and one stays home. The working outside the home partner can calls in sick, gets vacation and has time away from their job. The one who stays at home does not have such luxuries.
     


  10. Neo_Version 7

    Neo_Version 7 Senior member

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    The one who stays at home does not have such luxuries.

    Staying at home is luxury enough.
     


  11. Carlisle Blues

    Carlisle Blues Senior member

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    Staying at home is luxury enough.
    On a societal level it is a luxury. Much of it depends on the expectation of the parties. For example, there could be an inherent economic imbalance if the party staying at home has no resources or income.
     


  12. Neo_Version 7

    Neo_Version 7 Senior member

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    On a societal level it is a luxury.

    Much of it depends on the expectation of the parties. For example, there could be an inherent economic imbalance if the party staying at home has no resources or income.


    The person who is on "vacation" has to go back to the office eventually. However, the person who stays home is on vacation forever -- that is assuming the person has access to food, internet, and pocket money. Check and mate pretty much.
     


  13. Carlisle Blues

    Carlisle Blues Senior member

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    the person who stays home is on vacation forever
    As I have stated previously I have done both.....I will take my professional life for the luxuries it provides and I will take staying home and raising my child for the mental, spiritual and emotional fulfillment it provides. But make no mistake running a business and dealing with responsible adults who were all educated similarly and knew what was expected of them was clearly easier in my experience. Also there was a cut off time to go home, a time to have vacation and dead lines. Raising a child and staying requires flexibility of time , lifestyle and attitude.
     


  14. HgaleK

    HgaleK Senior member

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    On a societal level it is a luxury.

    Much of it depends on the expectation of the parties. For example, there could be an inherent economic imbalance if the party staying at home has no resources or income.


    Ignore Neo in serious threads- he's trolling.
     


  15. Neo_Version 7

    Neo_Version 7 Senior member

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    As I have stated previously I have done both.....I will take my professional life for the luxuries it provides and I will take staying home and raising my child for the mental, spiritual and emotional fulfillment it provides. But make no mistake running a business and dealing with responsible adults who were all educated similarly and knew what was expected of them was clearly easier in my experience. Also there was a cut off time to go home, a time to have vacation and dead lines. Raising a child and staying requires flexibility of time , lifestyle and attitude.

    I know what you mean. It's a different feeling waking up and thinking, "Yup. I have to go out and earn money so I can eat and buy all the frivolous things I want." And as fulfilling as that is, waking up late and doing nothing is much more fun. Seriously. The world is literally your oyster when you don't have to answer to anyone. If you want to sit on your butt and watch television shows, you can. If you feel like shopping, you can. You want to go for a hike? Why not? That's why I can't completely fault OP's wife. With a set-up like that, is it any wonder she doesn't do much? Cooking for the OP is just another person she has to answer to.
     


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