Unattractiveness and the discussion of style

[thealbatross]

I know that this will come to the offense of many here but I will post it nonetheless as I feel the statement has its merits. I have noticed by way or photos posted on the site that it seems the majority of the membership is what would be considered unattractive by normal social standards; I too consider myself to be a part of this group (unattractive that is), so I think it’s fair to voice such an observation. It’s interesting to consider the connection between this and the discussion of style. So a question arises: has your own style developed to compensate or empower your own shortcoming? I think mine has; in the beginning it was unconscious but over time I have become aware of the fact that I dress to somehow conquer certain insecurities, and am curious if other members here are aware of doing the same thing, and if so has it been effective? In my case I don’t think it has as I still spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about these issues.

 

[gdl203]

Thank you. Lovely 1st post

 

[Nantucket Red]

Indeed, I agree with gdl203.

But let me expand on the concept of style.

I commute in the hell that is the Tokyo subway system and am forced to endure prolonged hours in close proximity to people with BO, bad breath, too much perfume . . . the list would grow tedious. Often if someone is even somewhat good looking, their pose is unbearably pretentious, what with their wearing sunglasses every hour of the day, blah, blah, blah.

There's a man who rides the same train every day without fail. He is definitely not good looking, and while he's reasonably well-dressed -- meaning all the elements are just-so -- his tastes are not what I'd rate as high on my list. The few times he's happened to sit next to me, however, the slightest of hint of aloeswood, which is one of the most delightful scents imaginable, has wafted my way.

This man is nothing much to look at, but I count him stylish by the fact that his presence pervades the air with a fragrance that is often enough to make my day.

Often true style has nothing to do with looks.

 

[Get Smart]

Don't hate me because I'm really really ridiculously good looking.

 

[marc237]

I have a different take. From the limited sample I have either met or seen photographically, I think the men on this board run the gamut in terms of facial attractiveness. However, I think that the men on this board skew toward the positive end of the curve in terms of body shape and maintenance.

In other words, I would suggest that men who care about clothing and grooming are far more likely to avoid obesity, horrible hair styles, unkempt facial hair, and the like. Accordingly, I would think the men on this forum present a visual appearance that is at the upper ranges of overall attractiveness in our society. And I say that with the full knowledge that I am squarely well within the category of not handsome. Yet, I do think bearing, clothing, and grooming can enhance one's appearance significantly.

 

[cheapmutha]

Originally Posted by Get Smart

Don't hate me because I'm really really ridiculously good looking.

i dont hate you jason... because i understand how it is. its hard to be so attractive. i have to deal with it every day.

 

[Spencer Young]

I agree with Marc on the facial/body attractiveness distinction. SF'ers are generally rather fit. Faces vary because hey, you can't work that out in a gym; more importantly, I think it's much more of a personal preference whether or not you like someone's face. Most of us would agree that a beer gut is bad, but fewer of us would agree on facial features beyond symmetry/lack of unibrow/etc.

To Thealbatross's point, I think he does make an interesting point. I just graduated college. In highschool, I dressed like a dump; everything was solid colors, baggy, and from Kohl's. I knew I looked like crap, but at least I wasn't one of the drones clad in A&F. Getting to college, I wanted to get away from that and effectively reinvented myself, lost some weight, etc. Once I studied in Hong Kong it was all over, thanks to Jantzen. Without a doubt the style I have gives me significantly more confidence and makes me look better.

As pointed out before, to say unattractiveness is completely separate from style is folly. Certainly there was some catalyst for everyone on this forum, however.

 

[Fabienne]

Also, digital cameras do not always take the most flattering pictures.

 

[marc237]

Originally Posted by Fabienne

Also, digital cameras do not always take the most flattering pictures.

God, I love your response! What a remarkably diplomatic answer - I can now blame the camera!

 

[Quirk]

Being good-looking doesn't really matter for men anyway. It's completely unnecessary for a successful career, a full social life, or even success with women. None of my friends who are really successful in any of these areas are particularly good looking. And none of them pays much attention to clothes either. They're just smart, successful, normal, well-balanced people.

 

[globetrotter]

actually, as undiplomatic as he is, he does have a point. I am about as unatractive as it gets. I was first interested in dressing to disguise something - that I was very very young for what I was doing. later, I used dress to try to compensate for basic flaws in my anatomy. having met some of the people on the board, I would say that a few are surpising good looking, some really are not. Style is something that one can control in terms of how one is percieved by the outside world.

 

[Dakota rube]

As a breath-takingly handsome man and SFer, I'd like to know who the hell is so ugly that they're pulling the curve down!

C'mon. I want names.

 

[josepidal]

Would you rather be an unkempt unattractive man, or a well-dressed unattractive man.

Beyond the purely physical, being well-dressed eventually involves a projection of self-confidence and subtle effort at selecting an appropriate ensemble, and I cannot imagine how this can hurt anyone.

 

[imageWIS]

Originally Posted by Get Smart

Don't hate me because I'm really really ridiculously good looking.

The better you look the more you see.

Jon.

 

[Vintage Gent]

Originally Posted by Dakota rube

As a breath-takingly handsome man and SFer, I'd like to know who the hell is so ugly that they're pulling the curve down!

C'mon. I want names.
Yes, I confess, I'm pulling the rest of you down with my ugly.

Most of the self-portraits I've seen on these fora have the head strategically blocked out; I'm one of the few putting his mug out there for all to see. Is it possible that atop those Chan suits I'm really not as beautiful as I thought? Damn.