Is an expensive wedding worth it?

[Piobaire]

Our wedding was very minimalist. As in the two of us and two close friends for our witnesses. One of the best moves we ever made.

 

[GQgeek]

Originally Posted by Piobaire

Our wedding was very minimalist. As in the two of us and two close friends for our witnesses. One of the best moves we ever made.
That is what I want to do. The idea of a big wedding makes me not want to get married. When the time comes I'm gonna plan it on an tropical island far away. That will naturally limit who attends to a very small number. Oh, and my best friend had a 50k wedding. Divorced a year later FTW!

 

[chronoaug]

The only reason i want to have a wedding is to have some bomb ass food and lots of alcohol so me and the wife can have a good time with friends and family.

 

[Bellum]

Originally Posted by Pennglock

As a young man I was left out of a cousin's wedding (no one under 16 invited) and I have neither forgiven this couple or had a civil interaction with them since^^

My God, grow up.

 

[Cavalier]

Originally Posted by YoungAmerican

My wife has a really huge and close family, so if we wanted to invite people close to us, it was going to be a pretty big event. We did a lot of comparison shopping, didn't serve liquor, had catering from a taco truck, and spent about $15K, iirc, for about 250 people. I thought it turned out really wonderfully. I was really glad that I invited the people I did, and that we focused on making it fun, and not on making it some wedding planner's idea of "classy." Because frankly, the classiest weddings are like white text on a black background: simple and focused on celebrating two families coming together and the love of two people who want to share their lives with each other. The way the wedding industry sees classiness is, imo, supremely tacky. On the other hand, if you're rich (we're not, and our families are far from it), then maybe you might as well pay other people a lot of money to do the thinking/worrying for you.
Oh ****, you guys made NY Times? *edit* didn't realize you were mister famous fancy pants And you speak the truth... excessively fancy for the sake of being excessively flashy is like hitting the club decked out in Ed Hardy gear

 

[Concordia]

Black background?

BTW, one way to save a ton of money without anyone really noticing is to skip the hard liquor. If you do an open bar with liquor, the per head cost is amazing. And there aren't nearly so many cocktail drinkers these days, especially in the afternoon. We did an open soft drink bar and brought in a few cases of beer and wine. There were leftovers even from that small amount.

An, no-- it's not OK to do a cash bar. If you can't afford a big spread for your guests, serve them tea.

 

[tiecollector]

No, because your next wife will want a bigger wedding than before

But seriously..... My goal is to have a small, tight wedding. I think we will have 50 guests total if we are lucky. I don't know how people can have a church full of 500 people. I don't even know more than 50, let alone ones that I'd want at my wedding. I have a lot of ideas to cut down costs and I'd like to get it all down to $10k. If you can afford the extra money then go for it, but beware of things that are overpriced or generic. You can buy stuff or hire people separately, make your own things, etc. to keep costs way down. Guests will appreciate it all the same.

Originally Posted by jgold47

1) make the guest list as big as you can afford.
Why? Most grooms don't even talk to their best mans 5 years later. The time you spend small talking acquaintances who are going to bounce 1 hour into the reception could be spent having fun with people you talk to almost every day. I really think it is tacky for people to show up at a wedding just to make an appearance. I stay until the very end.

2) spend extra money on a good DJ

I think a live band is cooler, I was going to hire some high school or college kids to play some classic ensembles. I've been to weddings where friends make the playlist then they hook up all the equipment to their computer and it worked out fine and almost free.

3) pick a cool venue. Doesnt ahve to be some fancy banquet hall. think outside of the box.

Definitely agree here.

4) open bar is a must

Yeah, cash bars are tacky. I was at a wedding once at a hotel where the open bar had a $10k cap. I didn't get a single free drink!! Just pick up a bunch of wine in bulk from a winery or somewhere and hire some cousin to serve it out.

5) get a good photographer, but dont be afraid to think outside the box on that too. The 'wedding' guys are expensive, but ask around for a good young photographer with a great eye. There is a guy I know, he is like 22-23, and takes great pictures. I have seen some of his wedding stuff and its unreal. he will bring a bunch of his younger 'colleagues' charge you half the price adn take some great stuff. Its great to have some good 'who was there, what were we doing shots', but what you really want is that one shot, the money shot, you put up in your office, etc....

Agreed, plus the cookie cutter wedding guys will be kind of cheesy. This isn't 2005, people actually have to think to make money.

5) save money by skimping on food. What!?!? seriously, in two years, no one will remember what they ate at your wedding. no one will care about the chairs you had, or how many stupid ceremonies you stopped the fun for. Have a buffet style, smaller amount of food, that gets replenished throughout the night.

I think a quality buffet is the way to go. I have to disagree that people don't remember what they ate. I've heard people complain about the food at weddings all the time. Make it tasty and plentiful, not an easy to find this combo.

 

[globetrotter]

I wanted a very small wedding. we ended up having a couple of hundred people in a sitdown dinner type thing. I think that the food was very good, we had a jazz band and a DJ, we had a bar with well liquor, and we had put away a dozen bottles of really good liquor under the bar with instructions to the bartender to only serve them to people who asked for them sepcificaly. all in all it was a lot of fun.

 

[redcaimen]

Elope. Invest the money you would have spent on the wedding. 25 years later all of your children can have big weddings if they want them and you will still have enough left over to travel the world for a year.

 

[rexthedestroyer]

Thanks guys. I was under the impression that all weddings had to be $50 - 100K events. I don't think it is unreasonable to spend $10-20K on a wedding. I would rather skip all of that and elope, but most women are against this. I was talking to my married buddy last night and he confirmed that he had very little input on what kind of wedding that he would have.

Personally, I do not see the need to have 100's of people at the wedding. I would like a small event with no more thatn 50 people. I mean really, in our day to day lives, how many people do we have close interactions with (besides coworkers)? I think a wedding should be about the joining of two families (immediate families) and close friends. No need for my landlord, supervisor, 3rd cousin, etc to be invited. that is just me.

 

[rdawson808]

My wife and I had an fairly average cost wedding. Less than $25. My wife's parents were very generous.

We had a very good time and have wonderful memories. Cocktail party, short wedding, dinner and dancing.

I would never have spent more than that on it. I would have had a shorter guest list, as I think there were people there (both friends and family) who simply aren't really a part of our lives.

In hindsight, we've both said that eloping woudl have been better. We could have walked across the street to the courthouse and spent only our own money. Who knows, maybe my in-laws would have just let us have the money anyway!

Moral of the story: if it's no big deal and you can afford it, go for it. If you really feel you have something better to spend your money on, save for that.

In reply to the comments about you not having a say, I can only reply that if you want a say, have a say. Your marriage must be a compromise and there's no reason your wedding shouldn't be too. I enjoyed being a part of it and was happy with the outcome. But if you don't care, don't argue.



b

 

[willpower]

The worst thing anyone can do for a marriage is to start it from a place of debt. There are enough pressures already. Make it small, invite only immediate family and only the best of friends. Save for a house instead of blowing it on a night of placeholders and a band that plays "Money Money".

 

[gdl203]

I agree with GT's points

I agree with whoever said to spend as much as you feel comfortbale with

I agree with the idea that food is very important. A small section of your guests will those very close friends who will always be chatting and dancing, but a lot of the other guests (especially if they've travelled far to join) will truly enjoy the hospitality shown through a nice dinner, good service and a pleasant decor.

I agree with the open bar point. If you're going to make people pay for drinks or food, please don't even bother having a wedding party, just elope. That's just dreadful.

 

[Dedalus]

Originally Posted by robbie

All in all we've spent around 10k (maybe less).

We spent a little under 10k as well. It was a budget wedding, but it was the funnest time of my life. We rented out a contemporary art museum and had a live soul/jazz band. The food/catering was solid. I honestly don't think it could have been much better even if we had spent more money.

 

[rdawson808]

Originally Posted by gdl203

I agree with the idea that food is very important. A small section of your guests will those very close friends who will always be chatting and dancing, but a lot of the other guests (especially if they've travelled far to join) will truly enjoy the hospitality shown through a nice dinner, good service and a pleasant decor.

I agree with the open bar point. If you're going to make people pay for drinks or food, please don't even bother having a wedding party, just elope. That's just dreadful.

I wholeheartedly agree with these two points. They are very important.

And I'll add that splurging for the slightly better booze is worth it.

Pay out your ass for a great photographer.

b