I've never been to funeral

[soxpats]

Originally Posted by Huntsman

I'm sorry for you loss, but hope you can take comfort in helping with the arrangements.

I've been to entirely too many funerals for someone who still has thirty years of age ahead of him: My mother's, four grandparents', friends', extended family, coworkers, and for people I never knew, but who were lost to those I loved. I've been a pallbearer several times.

People grieve differently, and thus are different at funerals. I survive by immersing myself in a level of routine, from the clothes I wear (proper, but demure and never flashy, and darker the closer I am to the deceased), to my greetings and stance (formal and respectful), and the routine -- the signing of the book, the line waiting to view the deceased, pausing for prayer (or silence if you are not so inclined) at the casket, and condolences to the immediate family in the front row. I cling to those structured elements; I know what to expect, but I always give myself the freedom to grieve -- with tears, silence, solemn laughter or friendship -- though I admit I usually don't usually grieve from the soul in that environment. Usually that is for solitude and the company of theose who love me.

So it's different for everyone, but rarely is any way of grieving thought of as wrong except not being obnoxious or, too commonly, not allowing yourself to do so. Don't worry too much. Stay only as long as you wish.

Good luck.

~ Huntsman

Well said. Exactly how I feel and how I handle the situation. Although going through and giving condolences to family members always makes me tear up. Having lost my sister 2 years ago, I can tell you from my experience that having friends and family around was something I appreciated much more then I could have imagined.