I've never been to funeral

[spb_lady]

My experience with death is mostly imaginary... including one terrible car accident i've been in a year ago when i seriously thought it's the end, doctor saying that my mother has cancer at a final stage and they won't be able to help (at the end they appeared to make a mistake in diagnosis) and my rat died when i was 7 years old. I cried one week then. That's all. Not far relatives, grand mothers and fathers, not far friends nobody has died around me for 24 years of my life. Till yesterday.

Her younger brother called me crying, said what happened and asked to help them with the flowers (as i used to work as a flowerist for a year). I knew her since i was 10. Last two years of school we set at the first table in the class together. She also had bad eyes. I saw her 6 months ago for the last time. She was so cute then. Today i've chosen white and yellow flowers for her funeral.

Though she wasn't my closest friend, i feel myself weird since yesterday. I can start crying or laughing with no serious reason. I don't eat. I behave stupidly. I have built a great wall around this theme in my mind and try to avoid thinking about it at all costs.

Tomorrow i'm invited to the funeral and i'm scared, i'm really scared to go there.

How do you go through the funeral? Any advice needed.

 

[MetroStyles]

I've been to two funerals - my grandfather and a close friend. I had difficulty crying in either one, even though I thought it was appropriate to do so. Unfortunately I am somewhat emotionally closed off when it comes to things like that.

Since you are not likely a big part of the funeral proceedings, just sit and watch. Cry if you feel like crying. Offer your sincere condolences to the family. It's up to you how long you want to linger afterwards. At big funerals people tend to turn it into a social event, which is kind of a little weird.

 

[Rambo]

Never been to one myself. Common sense advice would be to not make a scene and try to console the family. Other than that, have some booze on hand for when you get home.

 

[Suave]

they are quite sad. just mourn with the family and pay respect to the passed person

 

[indesertum]

the worst for me was when somebodies (friend and aunt) close to me passed away and there was no way i could get to the funeral, much less afford to.

i'm really very sorry for your loss.

i think what helped for me was hanging out with people i love hanging out with, instead of being depressed and moping around home.

 

[Rathbone]

My condolences.

I've been to a few, but the only one that really affected me was for my brother. Someone already mentioned the best piece of advice, in my eyes: sincerity. Be genuine with yourself and with the family and friends. Cry or laugh if that's what you feel, and don't be self-conscious about your feelings. Funerals are kind of the place to exorcise those strange emotions. Most people who were as close or closer will certainly understand.

Don't stay any longer than you want to, and if you feel uncomfortable leave to grab a breath of fresh air or collect your thoughts. Don't think overmuch about it.

 

[Blackhood]

Nothing to be scared about. Funerals are oddly honest places. Everyone there is doing the same thing; grieving. People will cry, stay stoic, comfort each other, just take lots of tissues and be prepared to let out some emotion (if you're that kind of person)

 

[kwilkinson]

I have only been to one funeral. It was my grandfather's. I was a pallbearer. It was a strange and sad experience.

 

[Huntsman]

I'm sorry for you loss, but hope you can take comfort in helping with the arrangements.

I've been to entirely too many funerals for someone who still has thirty years of age ahead of him: My mother's, four grandparents', friends', extended family, coworkers, and for people I never knew, but who were lost to those I loved. I've been a pallbearer several times.

People grieve differently, and thus are different at funerals. I survive by immersing myself in a level of routine, from the clothes I wear (proper, but demure and never flashy, and darker the closer I am to the deceased), to my greetings and stance (formal and respectful), and the routine -- the signing of the book, the line waiting to view the deceased, pausing for prayer (or silence if you are not so inclined) at the casket, and condolences to the immediate family in the front row. I cling to those structured elements; I know what to expect, but I always give myself the freedom to grieve -- with tears, silence, solemn laughter or friendship -- though I admit I usually don't usually grieve from the soul in that environment. Usually that is for solitude and the company of theose who love me.

So it's different for everyone, but rarely is any way of grieving thought of as wrong except not being obnoxious or, too commonly, not allowing yourself to do so. Don't worry too much. Stay only as long as you wish.

Good luck.

~ Huntsman

 

[Douglas]

My condolences for your loss. Feel free to grieve however you feel necessary. Arranging flowers is a nice way to take part in the ceremony. Remember that you are there not only for yourself but also for the family, who will be comforted by the mere presence of others who knew and cared about their loved one. Good luck.

 

[KPO89]

I've been to 4 and they were all close family members and friends. People passing is never easy and there seems to always be 2 different kinds of people at funerals. There are people who portray their grief through tears and sadness. Then there are others who seem to be able to channel their grief into helping the latter group cope; often through humor(obviosly politely) and reassurance. If you can be this person than you will be a little piece of hope for all around you. If you can't than thats ok too. We all honor the dead in our own way.

Condolences

 

[acidboy]

spb lady,

there is no way around "going through a funeral"... you grieve over the loss of your friend (or family member..) in any way you feel like doing. I also like to believe I go to funerals to pay my utmost respect to the departed and to let her family knows that the departed was someone I cherish dearly.

 

[donCarlos]

I´ve been to three funerals in my life (family - not the close family, but I still liked these people) Our family is bad at mourning. Very bad. We can barely remain serious and sad through the ceremony and then we are simply happy to see all the family members or friends we have not seen for many years. But we are a bit special, I´m not sure how to react on a funeral without my family.

Going through a funeral is very personal issue and it is purely your choice whether you´ll be sitting in the corner and not giving a damn about other people or whether you will somehow socialise there.

 

[Tokyo Slim]

Don't even remember how many funerals I've been to. Maybe a dozen.

Dying is part of living. Memories are one of the few ways that people can live forever. Hope they are in a better place, and don't get all depressed and weepy. If the dead really are watching, that's pretty much the last thing I think they want is a bunch of hysterical people sobbing over them.

Just my 2cents. Your mileage may vary.

 

[spb_lady]

Originally Posted by Tokyo Slim

I think they want is a bunch of hysterical people sobbing over them.


That's exactly the way i was always thinking about death and funeral. But it appeared that no matter you think of this it affects you a lot and it's kind of unpredictable thing for me, as i've never felt it before. Hope it will be ok today. I mostly feel sad and quiet now.