Being an introvert in a relationship with an extrovert

[ter1413]



^ It's not about the internet, its about not wanting people in his face.:foo:

Then he should stay home....

 

[RedLantern]

Surely there is some virtue in being present, if not involved? It appears he is trying to be a good guy and make some kind of compromise between his desire to be alone and his girlfriend's desire to be both with him and around a lot of family.

 

[MrG]



Surely there is some virtue in being present, if not involved? It appears he is trying to be a good guy and make some kind of compromise between his desire to be alone and his girlfriend's desire to be both with him and around a lot of family.

I disagree. At least in the context of the family dinner, it's far more rude to show up and ignore everybody than it is to simply not show up at all. It's one thing to politely decline invitations to events if your personality doesn't lend itself to spending time in large groups, but it's just plain boorish to vanish into an electronic device at a social gathering.

 

[ter1413]



I disagree. At least in the context of the family dinner, it's far more rude to show up and ignore everybody than it is to simply not show up at all. It's one thing to politely decline invitations to events if your personality doesn't lend itself to spending time in large groups, but it's just plain boorish to vanish into an electronic device at a social gathering.

plus one......unless OP is under 14yrs old.

 

[acidboy]



I disagree. At least in the context of the family dinner, it's far more rude to show up and ignore everybody than it is to simply not show up at all. It's one thing to politely decline invitations to events if your personality doesn't lend itself to spending time in large groups, but it's just plain boorish to vanish into an electronic device at a social gathering.

plus one......unless OP is under 14yrs old.

plus one thousand millions.

if you're bringing an ipad to wherever and just use it, then **** you and your rude manners- you should've not wasted anybody else's time showing up, including yours. I also do not allow my children to bring along ipads whenever we step out of the house.. I like to think they learn to be more aware of whats around them, and they are "forced" to converse with us so I think that we're doing okay.

 

[Cocophone]

You have been dating for six months and you have doubt about this relationship.

Now think about being in this relationship for the next 20 years.

I believe you now have the answer to your question.

sent from my Moto X

 

[cb78]

I disagree. At least in the context of the family dinner, it's far more rude to show up and ignore everybody than it is to simply not show up at all. It's one thing to politely decline invitations to events if your personality doesn't lend itself to spending time in large groups, but it's just plain boorish to vanish into an electronic device at a social gathering.

plus one thousand millions.

if you're bringing an ipad to wherever and just use it, then **** you and your rude manners- you should've not wasted anybody else's time showing up, including yours. I also do not allow my children to bring along ipads whenever we step out of the house.. I like to think they learn to be more aware of whats around them, and they are "forced" to converse with us so I think that we're doing okay.

Please don't assume nor judge a situation you don't know. I don't bury my face in an ipad once I step through the door nor during the meal. I see my wife's inlaws and extended family pretty regularly, we all live in the same city and visit them pretty much every weekend. At this point everybody is comfortable with each other and its all pretty informal. and yes i'm there more for my wife than anything so she can spend time with her family. sorry to trigger the intolerance of some of you here who believe everyone should behave the same as you, there are people in this world who are different. yes im an introvert, and obviously you are not so please don't proclaim to know how I feel or react.

 

[MrG]



Please don't assume nor judge a situation you don't know. I don't bury my face in an ipad once I step through the door nor during the meal. I see my wife's inlaws and extended family pretty regularly, we all live in the same city and visit them pretty much every weekend. At this point everybody is comfortable with each other and its all pretty informal. and yes i'm there more for my wife than anything so she can spend time with her family. sorry to trigger the intolerance of some of you here who believe everyone should behave the same as you, there are people in this world who are different. yes im an introvert, and obviously you are not so please don't proclaim to know how I feel or react. 

Yeah, no. It's still rude, and the fact that you have a particular personality type doesn't excuse the behavior. I know our society likes to pretend that you can wriggle out of acting like a decent person by calling those who object to your behavior "intolerant" or judgmental, but social norms exist for a reason. They are valuable. You don't get a pass because you're "different." Your in-laws might have carved out some exception in order to placate you, but that doesn't change the fact that what you're doing is inherently impolite.

 

[Joffrey]

I don't agree with the extent people here are going after cb78. Depending on how and when he checks out at gatherings, I don't think it's that big of a deal to do so. I don't care for iPads but I certainly scroll through my phone when the moment warrants it at gatherings/parties. I've been to all sorts of events (even family gatherings) where people are constantly checking their phones, flip on the television (football/basketball during Thanksgiving/Christmas), glance through a magazine. Gadgets/distractions at the table are bad manners but if its an informal gathering over several hours with people spread out around a house, I don't see the big deal in checking out for a bit. Not every ocassion requires 100% engagement 100% of the time.

 

[Gus]

Introverts need time alone, time to recharge and time to reflect. Without it, it is hard for them to give there best in more social settings.

My suggestion would be to seek a balance of social/family and your own time. Discuss it with your girlfriend but in a way that accepts your needs and not from a perspective that there is anything wrong with them.

 

[Cocophone]

Forget about if using the iPad usage was OK or not. Read carefully what I said. I knew something was not a good fit for the same reason ( introvert & extrovert ) and its been a long long long 20 plus years. I do not recommend any introvert marry an extrovert.

 

[ter1413]



Yeah, no. It's still rude, and the fact that you have a particular personality type doesn't excuse the behavior. I know our society likes to pretend that you can wriggle out of acting like a decent person by calling those who object to your behavior "intolerant" or judgmental, but social norms exist for a reason. They are valuable. You don't get a pass because you're "different." Your in-laws might have carved out some exception in order to placate you, but that doesn't change the fact that what you're doing is inherently impolite.

That ^^!
If you don't like being around people and can't communicate, stay home.
If I was the brother/father of said wife/GF, I would tell her not to bring you anymore....

 

[cb78]

I don't know what kind of haughty formal family get togethers you people have. When my wife goes off with her mom and sister to the kitchen to cook and gossip, her dad falls asleep on the couch and her brothers slink off to watch a game or play videogames I find nothing wrong with lounging around reading a magazine or browsing the ipad. Like someone else said, i dont feel the need to be 100% "ON" at all times. But hey, i guess i should have expected these kinds of self righteous responses from "styleforum".

 

[Reggs]

I'm INTJ and my wife is an extrovert. She knows how I am and I don't find myself in a lot of large social situations and I can't stand parties where there is dancing. If I need to go, I always try to have a few drinks while I'm there and talk about when we should leave before we arrive.

You should only marry a woman you can recharge around. I'm around my wife all the time and it's great.