RedLantern
Distinguished Member
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2008
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Does anyone in here have any sage advice for me? I feel like this is a shortcoming of mine and I'm curious if anyone has any insights or experience which might help me develop this skill a little more.
I'm starting to settle into my role as the pater familias and overall I'm proud of how I've grown as a person to take on additional responsibilities and provide stability and support to my family. However, I'm finding that I am less than helpful when family members need help on a purely emotional level. My wife has many wonderful qualities, but emotional stability/toughness is not one of them. My mother is starting to show a great deal of emotional strain as she gets older, and I'm sure that my son will need emotional support from me while he grows up.
I'm great at giving advice, pep talks, talking things through, calming people down, taking on additional tasks or other work, but I suck at being a shoulder to cry on. For example, my aging mother is trying her very best to get my 2 dependent adult sibling situated into stable long-term housing. Dealing with the two of them in addition to the stress she has taken on by trying to manage the purchase/renovation and sale of a couple of properties has made her fairly despondent. I know she is hurting but when I am talking with her and she starts complaining like things are hopeless or just seems to want to have a pity party, I shut down emotionally and immediately want to hang up or leave the situation.
I understand that people process things in different ways and some people just need to vent - I'm fine at listing to people vent/*****, but when that turns to self-pity or extreme negativity I experience what I've come to identify as repulsion. Objectively I understand that some people just have to cry it out and all that, but I have such a visceral response to it that prevents me from helping them. Aside from supporting these people by encouraging them to seek other help or forms of self-care, is there anything I can do?
I'm starting to settle into my role as the pater familias and overall I'm proud of how I've grown as a person to take on additional responsibilities and provide stability and support to my family. However, I'm finding that I am less than helpful when family members need help on a purely emotional level. My wife has many wonderful qualities, but emotional stability/toughness is not one of them. My mother is starting to show a great deal of emotional strain as she gets older, and I'm sure that my son will need emotional support from me while he grows up.
I'm great at giving advice, pep talks, talking things through, calming people down, taking on additional tasks or other work, but I suck at being a shoulder to cry on. For example, my aging mother is trying her very best to get my 2 dependent adult sibling situated into stable long-term housing. Dealing with the two of them in addition to the stress she has taken on by trying to manage the purchase/renovation and sale of a couple of properties has made her fairly despondent. I know she is hurting but when I am talking with her and she starts complaining like things are hopeless or just seems to want to have a pity party, I shut down emotionally and immediately want to hang up or leave the situation.
I understand that people process things in different ways and some people just need to vent - I'm fine at listing to people vent/*****, but when that turns to self-pity or extreme negativity I experience what I've come to identify as repulsion. Objectively I understand that some people just have to cry it out and all that, but I have such a visceral response to it that prevents me from helping them. Aside from supporting these people by encouraging them to seek other help or forms of self-care, is there anything I can do?
