Girl advice: making this work

Here we go again.

Ok, heres the situation. I've got a girl in mind, a year below me. Therefore its hard to get in touch with her since I dont see her around as much as I see my other classmates. If I do, shes always hurdled around her friends so approaching her seems difficult.

Almost exactly a year ago I "asked her out", which didnt turn out good. I was quite surprised how far I got it to go through virtual insanity. I began talking to her through facebook, made nice comments on her pics and eventually asked her for coffee through fb chat. How lame is this? Well, we went for coffee and I guess it went okay, I couldve done better. I just needed something to get to know her better and then take her out for a real date maybe if I knew she was the right type. It didnt turn out good either a bit due to my shyness. Once I saw her sitting by herself - remarkably - in the library and I went over to small talk, but I couldnt think of things to say so she eventually left with her friends. Didnt see her later and I made the mistake of asking what her weekend plans were through an inbox message, when she replies that she doesnt know.. and later hoping that I would understand that the first time was the last time. ****.

A few months later, I ask her how her summer vacation was going, to which she replies nicely. However, a reply to my post from her friend tells me to give up. I feel totally in pieces now.

Life has moved on now over 365 days later.. I have no idea if her mind has changed. I've seen her looking around at me at school lately, but my novice experience with women tells me that I dont know if this is a sign or not. Things have continued the same way for the whole year, dont see her that much. I dont know if shes been avoiding me somehow either, because she is always offline on fb even though new **** appears on her wall. Can you block someone on fb chat? Well anyhoo, she was online last night and I had a nice 16 min convo which didnt lead anywhere though, but it was nice to see what was up. What I hope is for her to give me a second chance. She really seems appealing but I still would need to get to know her better. I still regret for not making it work a year ago, as I had it all in my hands.

I know youre thinking that I should grow a pair, but I just cant help it. You might also be thinking that it wont work, but even the smallest suggestions to make this work would be excellent. The hard thing is interpreting women in general; how do I know if shes after a relationship even or not? Or would she be willing to be friends at most?

I really need to learn to socialize and send out more positive vibes if this ever works. The problem is that all the topics I can think of revolve around school or then its something very general such as your favorite X, even though its always a starting point but not very charismatic or fluent dialogue.. more like interrogation.

There is a facebook option to turn off chat automatically when you log in.

Grow a pair.

Not because you're being owned by a younger girl, but because once you start talking to girls who you don't like, you'll find it much easier to talk to ones that you do. I spend allot of time flirting with ugly girls, I know i'm way out of their league, but it means you learn confidence. I was you about a year ago, and it really does help to just hit on every girl you see.

Also practice your conversation skills. Always ask questions, but have a chain of thought in mind. For example if you are talking about music:

1. What genre do you like?
2. Really... I've never got into it, can you recommend some bands?
3. Oh didn't they do that song....
4. So do you go to many live gigs?
5. There's a live band playing in town next week... wanna check it out?


Or Art:

1. Oh you're reading about Modigliani, I've never seen his work...
2. What is it about him that grabs you? I love the colour....
3. I'd never looked at it that way.... do you study art or are you just a fan?
4. Ever tried painting yourself?
5. Me neither, I draw like a monkey with a crayon!
6. You wanna check out that new exhibition ....?

im guessing you are in high school.

fair guess?

Originally Posted by jordansmith123

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There is a facebook option to turn off chat automatically when you log in.

Can you stay online but some of your friends seeing you as offline?

Originally Posted by Matt

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im guessing you are in high school.

fair guess?

Yes. Last year.

there will be plenty more girls mate. Let this one go. Push it much further and you will be learning your first lesson about creepy stalker land.

I'll send you a PM with some other stuff too....

She's just not that into you.

I agree, let this one go.

I was super into a girl who I kept pushing for because I was sure things would work out with for like 2 years, and missed some other opportunities, until finally I got so annoyed that our friendship just crumbled. I sort of had reason to though, and we both liked each other at one point just never took it to the right places. She ended up being sorta nuts though. Next girl I met and hit it off with well I went out with for a year.

You haven't even mentioned why this girl is so special? What happened between you two that is making you so certain she's the kind of girl you want to date?

Never get caught up on a girl. Let them get caught up on you.

Originally Posted by Phantom9309

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Never get caught up on a girl. Let them get caught up on you.

If I followed that advice, my life would look like this:

http://img714.imageshack.us/img714/8...6712914935.jpg

I am a quite a lonely person as well at this moment, so getting this to work would help me out alot. I am not necessarily looking for a long-term serious relationship, more like having a girl who I can cuddle with and spend time with.

Letting girls come to me just doesnt work personally. What I've noticed is to make any change in your life, you need to make the initiative. Not her. Because she wont.

Originally Posted by Listi

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You haven't even mentioned why this girl is so special? What happened between you two that is making you so certain she's the kind of girl you want to date?

She just sparks something. Its hard to say but she seems very nice. She is attractive and smart and comes from a rather affluent family as well.

You're obsessing over this girl and no girls like that approach.

Read The Game and have it over with. This would even improve your social skills and kill some time while reading it.

This is pretty pathetic. Just give up on her.

Meanwhile, maybe it's just me (although this has been true for my friends as well), but the coffee date approach NEVER WORKS. It may be fine for a girl you really just met (i.e. picked her up in a bookstore and only spoke with her for a couple minutes), but in general, it's such a weak opening. Every relationship I've been in that has worked out well starts with dinner, or some night activity.

Here are your best options:
1. Pay the most popular gilr in school to date you and give you a makeover
2. Get Karate lessons from the Janitor who looks like Billy Blanks
3. Disguise yourself as a boy at her shcool but really youre a girl who's writing an article for a rival school about gender and ****
4. Accidentally poor the Ooze on your pet turtles and some rat who knows kung fu
5. Make a bet with your sister that you can get her to fall in love with you and give you her virginity (anal counts)
6. Enter some sort of competition where "stuff" is "brang" "from the streets"

Originally Posted by makker

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She just sparks something. Its hard to say but she seems very nice. She is attractive and smart and comes from a rather affluent family as well.
Like, do you hang out with her? Do you guys do things together, just the two of you? Or are you just observing her from afar and admiring her glow? The latter is what it sounds like. Do you REALLY know this girl? I don't mean like "oh, she hangs out with this group, plays violin, and is on the soccer team." I mean have you ever had any deep conversations with her where you both connected really strongly on an issue? Ever been talking to them and had both of you become super into the conversation and just have hours fly by? If not, give it up!!! If those things don't happen, it's not worth stressing over it. It's so easy to see someone who's intelligent and hot and think "I need them" but unless you've had something like this happen you really don't. You've got high school *drama* oh god the way everything works now is the way it will be forever. Things are different in university, and surely different after that. I went on more dates in the first semester of university than all of high school. PS I'm not saying you shouldn't "try" for girls, but you have to try, and if it doesn't flow smoothly, drop it. Because you don't want to be in a relationship where you have to work every day.