RANT: My girlfriend's brother is spoiled and apes**t crazy. Parents are oblivious.

feynmix · Jul 30, 2008

in my experience, in most families, its the younger kids that are spoiled and get all the perks. I know I have been treated that way, just a little bit.

Thomas · Jul 30, 2008

Originally Posted by sonick

Thanks for all the responses guys. The plan now is she is calling her friends to see if she can crash the next few weeks during finals, and once the semester is done with she can go back and re-evaluate. I'm not gonna break up with her at this time because of this. Once she can be self-sufficient, I fully expect her to sever ties with her family (mother and older brother at least).

A friend suggested just moving back and ignoring everything, pretend she's just a tenant living there, until she is done with school and can find some income.

Damn baggage.

Well, lots of families have baggage, a large part of handling it comes down to the person in the family and how they let it affect them. Mrs. T and I both have our family dysfunctions, but we set our boundaries in how the family dramas interfere with our lives.

Dragon · Jul 30, 2008

What exactly is the issue for you and your girlfriend? I understand the elder brother is a dick and the parents are spoiling him, but don`t really see how this is a direct problem for you and your GF.

In your story, you said she has to move out because she feels unsafe. It seems that the brother has rages every once a while, but none of them are actually directly at her, so imagine she would be safe staying at home.

The other problem you mention is that she doesn`t get anything but a few hundred dollars from her parents. So is the problem that she doesn`t get as much as her older brother?

Douglas · Jul 30, 2008

Originally Posted by Dragon

In your story, you said she has to move out because she feels unsafe. It seems that the brother has rages every once a while, but none of them are actually directly at her, so imagine she would be safe staying at home.

Well, I'd say that a guy who has a pending assault charge... hell, even a guy who carries a lead pipe around in his trunk, would be classified as a ticking time bomb.

Jumbie · Jul 30, 2008

Originally Posted by Dragon

What exactly is the issue for you and your girlfriend? I understand the elder brother is a dick and the parents are spoiling him, but don`t really see how this is a direct problem for you and your GF.

In your story, you said she has to move out because she feels unsafe. It seems that the brother has rages every once a while, but none of them are actually directly at her, so imagine she would be safe staying at home.

The other problem you mention is that she doesn`t get anything but a few hundred dollars from her parents. So is the problem that she doesn`t get as much as her older brother?

+1

Brother sounds like a douche but I really don't get the point. It's a ****** situation and completely unfair but I don't think it sounds like she's in danger.

antirabbit · Jul 30, 2008

So, be a man, kick the brothers ass ...
Or, have some friends take him for a "ride".
Or, quietly deal with it.
If it is a fact of life in this family, you need to make your own position with in the family, and if it is not one that carries authority, you will also be subject to the same behaviour that your gf is subject to at the present. Even if you move far far away, you will still feel the effects. That is if you intend on having this be a long term relationship.
Do not expect things to change just because you are from a different family structure and have different expectations of how families function. That is not the way things work.

My wife and I come from rather different backgrounds and we have to balance the differences when we are around each others families, this takes time and effort.

Remember, you can always kick the brothers ass.

TyCooN · Jul 30, 2008

Originally Posted by sonick

Thanks for all the responses guys. The plan now is she is calling her friends to see if she can crash the next few weeks during finals, and once the semester is done with she can go back and re-evaluate. I'm not gonna break up with her at this time because of this. Once she can be self-sufficient, I fully expect her to sever ties with her family (mother and older brother at least).

A friend suggested just moving back and ignoring everything, pretend she's just a tenant living there, until she is done with school and can find some income.

Damn baggage.
+1, get her to move out. Taking action for yourself works much better than having the expectation that people will change their ways. If you live under your parent's roofs then expect them to attempt to dictate your life, in your girlfriend's case learning how to take **** from her batshit crazy brother.

Nahmeanz · Jul 30, 2008

date the girl, don't date her family...

sho'nuff · Jul 30, 2008

if i overheard correctly that this girlfriend is asian and has an asian family, you eventually will be dating the whole family or married into it.

this guy needs to have his arse kicked.

(wow, i actually find this name change a blessing in disguise. i dont feel like the goody-two-shoes anymore and actually feel the freedom to say kick his arse)...hehehe disclaimer: i am still a goody-two-shoes at heart

kwilkinson · Jul 30, 2008

Seriously, everytime I hear something new about Asian culture like this and the way the families work, I can't help but think you're all fucked.

Anyway, best of luck.

bbaquiran · Jul 30, 2008

Originally Posted by antirabbit

So, be a man, kick the brothers ass ...

Remember, you can always kick the brothers ass.

If this is a typical Asian family you're dealing with, you will likely have the ire of the entire family (your GF included) directed at you. If this is a Filipino family, you will have violence coming your -- and your family's -- way.

Lel · Jul 30, 2008

Move her out, ASAP. Getting her away from all that trauma and stress will immensely improve her quality of life and subsequently, your relationship. IMO, it's worth the 90 minute commute to school. I also come from an Asian family and while my situation is not the same, the pressure of ****** family situations can be crushing. The best thing is to do is to get her away from it, no matter what it takes.

sonick · Jul 30, 2008

Originally Posted by bbaquiran

If this is a typical Asian family you're dealing with, you will likely have the ire of the entire family (your GF included) directed at you. If this is a Filipino family, you will have violence coming your -- and your family's -- way.

lol, yeah my gf is filipino...

As for her being in danger. She actually does get threatened by him. The whole reason her mom suggested SHE move out is because (this is directly from the mouth of her mother) that he will not hurt her, but he definitely has the capacity to end up hurting his sister in one of his temper tantrums.

Remember, he really IS borderline crazy, not just an exaggeration. He's actually been admitted into a psych ward in the past.

bbaquiran · Jul 30, 2008

I wasn't kidding about the family vs. family thing. I've seen and heard of otherwise quiet, respectable families getting into bloody feuds over little things (minor road accident, someone gets knocked up, kids get into fight at school, etc.).

globetrotter · Jul 30, 2008

Originally Posted by sonick

Once she can be self-sufficient, I fully expect her to sever ties with her family (mother and older brother at least).

.

good luck.

keep pushing this issue - don't let up, a crazy family can cause you a lifetime of grief.

RANT: My girlfriend's brother is spoiled and apes**t crazy. Parents are oblivious.

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