• Hi, I am the owner and main administrator of Styleforum. If you find the forum useful and fun, please help support it by buying through the posted links on the forum. Our main, very popular sales thread, where the latest and best sales are listed, are posted HERE

    Purchases made through some of our links earns a commission for the forum and allows us to do the work of maintaining and improving it. Finally, thanks for being a part of this community. We realize that there are many choices today on the internet, and we have all of you to thank for making Styleforum the foremost destination for discussions of menswear.
  • This site contains affiliate links for which Styleforum may be compensated.
  • We would like to welcome House of Huntington as an official Affiliate Vendor. Shop past season Drake's, Nigel Cabourn, Private White V.C. and other menswear luxury brands at exceptional prices below retail. Please visit the Houise of Huntington thread and welcome them to the forum.

  • STYLE. COMMUNITY. GREAT CLOTHING.

    Bored of counting likes on social networks? At Styleforum, you’ll find rousing discussions that go beyond strings of emojis.

    Click Here to join Styleforum's thousands of style enthusiasts today!

    Styleforum is supported in part by commission earning affiliate links sitewide. Please support us by using them. You may learn more here.

RANT: My girlfriend's brother is spoiled and apes**t crazy. Parents are oblivious.

teddieriley

Distinguished Member
Joined
Apr 8, 2006
Messages
9,648
Reaction score
1,654
kick his ass. that is what i would do. someone hasn't shown him his place, if you're up for some drama, maybe you should.
 

kanye3000

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 7, 2008
Messages
64
Reaction score
0
If I was your chick, I would dump that business major, that ***** a waste of time if she is going to be going to med. school.
 

Jumbie

Distinguished Member
Joined
Nov 19, 2007
Messages
4,051
Reaction score
5
Originally Posted by kanye3000
If I was your chick, I would dump that business major, that ***** a waste of time if she is going to be going to med. school.

I'd drop the Biochem too. "That ****'s a waste of time if she is going to med school."

Also, I'd use this as extra incentive to bust ****** to get into said medical school. Then, after residency, I'd try to get a job at whatever hospital my brother worked at and I'd be like "Poop clean-up in room 355. Hop to it *****!"
 

lee_44106

Distinguished Member
Joined
Jul 19, 2006
Messages
8,043
Reaction score
100
I don't understand the complaint.

The money is the parents'. They can buy a ******* gold plated dog house if they so desired. If they choose to give most of it to the oldest son, that's their perogative.

You sound pissed because your GF gets less money.

She may complain to you about this and that, but deep down she's still part of the family. YOU would be quite delusion to think that you can be with the girl and not become part of the drama.
 

sonick

Distinguished Member
Joined
Mar 11, 2003
Messages
5,686
Reaction score
406
Originally Posted by lee_44106
I don't understand the complaint. The money is the parents'. They can buy a ******* gold plated dog house if they so desired. If they choose to give most of it to the oldest son, that's their perogative. You sound pissed because your GF gets less money. She may complain to you about this and that, but deep down she's still part of the family. YOU would be quite delusion to think that you can be with the girl and not become part of the drama.
I would be lying if I said I didn't think this was not at all ethnocentric, but you do have a point that the general concern is when you boil it down IS my gf gets less money than her brother. However, from the traditional asian family values perspective, this support is pretty much expected, even if it is perhaps seen as being spoiled from the point of view of a north american/caucasian family values point of view where a kid is pretty much out to fend for themselves after they turn 18. So it does make sense you don't understand it, because... you really don't. But I don't feel the complaint or my just my frustration of the situation is unjustified.
 

acidboy

Stylish Dinosaur
Spamminator Moderator
Joined
Mar 13, 2006
Messages
19,672
Reaction score
1,555
Originally Posted by sonick
lol, yeah my gf is filipino...
musicboohoo[1].gif


As for her being in danger. She actually does get threatened by him. The whole reason her mom suggested SHE move out is because (this is directly from the mouth of her mother) that he will not hurt her, but he definitely has the capacity to end up hurting his sister in one of his temper tantrums.

Remember, he really IS borderline crazy, not just an exaggeration. He's actually been admitted into a psych ward in the past.


Oooh. This is far more complicated than it seems. First, Filipinos are very, very attached to their family, and unless your gf expresses her intention to cut ties with her family, or move out of state, then she's pretty much stuck with them. One thing I've observed though, that "oldest son" schtick doesn't hold in the Filipino culture like it does with the Chinese/Japanese/Korean setting. From where I stand its just that typical spoiled like **** brat all grown up and now he knows how to push the buttons with regard to his parents who are obviously suffering from some form of "battered wife syndrome" but on a parent-child relationship.

Thing is, if your gf isn't sure yet of how to deal with her family, chances are she'll probably stick it out with them. What you can do then is probably pour sand inside the Prelude's gas tank.
 

sonick

Distinguished Member
Joined
Mar 11, 2003
Messages
5,686
Reaction score
406
Originally Posted by acidicboy
Oooh. This is far more complicated than it seems. First, Filipinos are very, very attached to their family, and unless your gf expresses her intention to cut ties with her family, or move out of state, then she's pretty much stuck with them.

Thing is, if your gf isn't sure yet of how to deal with her family, chances are she'll probably stick it out with them. What you can do then is probably pour sand inside the Prelude's gas tank.


True, I'm sure she wouldnt be able to completely break ties, but perhaps some distance will help.

I'll see how things go. She's been looking at apartments today. Whether she will end up going through with it is another story.
 

Brad

Distinguished Member
Joined
Sep 19, 2006
Messages
2,240
Reaction score
5
Originally Posted by sonick
lol, yeah my gf is filipino...
musicboohoo[1].gif


As for her being in danger. She actually does get threatened by him. The whole reason her mom suggested SHE move out is because (this is directly from the mouth of her mother) that he will not hurt her, but he definitely has the capacity to end up hurting his sister in one of his temper tantrums.

Remember, he really IS borderline crazy, not just an exaggeration. He's actually been admitted into a psych ward in the past.


I would have a serious problem with the bolded section. I'm not one to advocate violence, but I'd get in his grill and let him know you will temporarily incapacitate him if he ever does his sister any harm.
 

Mustapha

Senior Member
Joined
Feb 27, 2007
Messages
497
Reaction score
0
This is nothing new in Asian families. Spoiled out of control adult sons with no grounding in reality. It's epidemic. My 40 year old brother in law was GIVEN a downtown condo. This after he was given 4 years college tuition and living allowance and paid trips to Europe to finish some university courses. Now he writes movie reviews for internet sites - how much does that pay? - and rides everywhere on a bicycle, even in snowstorms, to save even the cost of bus fare. The dumb f**k talks about his stock investments constantly - another gift from the parents.

Your gf's parents are probably fearful for their physical wellbeing. She needs your support. If the 'nurse' has quiet receptive moments have his sister suggest counselling or a frank talk if your gf is up to it.

I deal with my brother in law by staying well clear of him.
 

NorCal

Distinguished Member
Joined
Jun 3, 2007
Messages
9,979
Reaction score
4,670
Originally Posted by Douglas
This is going to sound callous, but I'd recommend you get out of this relationship ASAP. I feel for you, and I feel awful for the girl, but these parents are not the sort of people you'll want as in-laws.

Man that is a crap answer. Love is rare (and this is assuming he loves the girl and will marry her). Finding someone that you really can spend the rest of your life with is rare. . IF they are really fucked up you've got to make sure you and the GF are on the same page about what role they will play long term, but in a real relationship there are problems. Fucked up parents might be one of them.
 

Dragon

Distinguished Member
Joined
May 29, 2006
Messages
3,133
Reaction score
50
Originally Posted by sonick
I would be lying if I said I didn't think this was not at all ethnocentric, but you do have a point that the general concern is when you boil it down IS my gf gets less money than her brother.

However, from the traditional asian family values perspective, this support is pretty much expected, even if it is perhaps seen as being spoiled from the point of view of a north american/caucasian family values point of view where a kid is pretty much out to fend for themselves after they turn 18.

So it does make sense you don't understand it, because... you really don't. But I don't feel the complaint or my just my frustration of the situation is unjustified.


One point you have to realize is that it is completely different between a first born son and a younger daughter. The daughter is GIVEN AWAY anyway, so there is not much at stake for the family. The first born son takes over as the leader of the family, so there is a lot at stake. Your GF`s family is spoiling him for this reason, so it useless to compare the financial support between the brother and GF.

Although there may be some genuine fear for her safety, the reason the mother told your GF to feel free to move out is for the above reason as well. She is a daughter that will be GIVEN AWAY anyway, so if she is complaining so much about the first born, feel free to get the hell out (very simplified, but basically that is the option given to her) is what her parents are saying.

Finally, I don`t think it`s realistic to think that your GF will severe ties with her family. Since you are not just talking about an Asian girl, but a Filipino girl, your idea that she should severe ties with her family would probably sound like a funny joke if you told other people that knew Filipinos.
 

teddieriley

Distinguished Member
Joined
Apr 8, 2006
Messages
9,648
Reaction score
1,654
Originally Posted by acidicboy
Oooh. This is far more complicated than it seems. First, Filipinos are very, very attached to their family, and unless your gf expresses her intention to cut ties with her family, or move out of state, then she's pretty much stuck with them. One thing I've observed though, that "oldest son" schtick doesn't hold in the Filipino culture like it does with the Chinese/Japanese/Korean setting. From where I stand its just that typical spoiled like **** brat all grown up and now he knows how to push the buttons with regard to his parents who are obviously suffering from some form of "battered wife syndrome" but on a parent-child relationship.

Thing is, if your gf isn't sure yet of how to deal with her family, chances are she'll probably stick it out with them. What you can do then is probably pour sand inside the Prelude's gas tank.


Problem with many filipino families is that they treat the oldest son like a king. It's freakin' ridiculous. They can be 30 years old and they are still paying for all his **** - car, insurance, place to live, giving him an allowance, even if he makes his own money, and good money at that, as this situation illustrates. I don't think there is anything wrong with a family offering help at this age or older when help is needed, or circumstances warrant it, and the family is in a financial position to do so, but there comes a point where the hand holding and hand feeding has to stop. Obviously, more culpable is the son who either expects this or gladly takes.

My suggestion stands, this dude needs to get his ass kicked pretty badly. A nice long hospital stay would probably do some good in giving him time to think.
 

Nahmeanz

Senior Member
Joined
Dec 27, 2007
Messages
270
Reaction score
1
while I agree certain people need their asses kicked in life, I really don't advise kicking asses like there are no repercussions. if the OP says he fears for his gf's safety, what makes you think his gf's brother wouldn't kick the OP's ass? he did say that this guy threw dishes at his own mother right? he tried to beat someone with a lead pipe? I'm not saying that the OP should be afraid of this guy but does he really want the hassle? who has more to lose? can you win a fight against someone who doesn't have much to lose? while the thought of putting this guy in the hospital sounds neat, think about the next few years you have to spend going in and out of courtrooms defending against an assault and battery charge. nevermind the 10Gz you have to pay to your lawyer (that buys a bunch of nice suits).
 

teddieriley

Distinguished Member
Joined
Apr 8, 2006
Messages
9,648
Reaction score
1,654
Originally Posted by Nahmeanz
while I agree certain people need their asses kicked in life, I really don't advise kicking asses like there are no repercussions. if the OP says he fears for his gf's safety, what makes you think his gf's brother wouldn't kick the OP's ass? he did say that this guy threw dishes at his own mother right? he tried to beat someone with a lead pipe? I'm not saying that the OP should be afraid of this guy but does he really want the hassle? who has more to lose? can you win a fight against someone who doesn't have much to lose? while the thought of putting this guy in the hospital sounds neat, think about the next few years you have to spend going in and out of courtrooms defending against an assault and battery charge. nevermind the 10Gz you have to pay to your lawyer (that buys a bunch of nice suits).

you're taking it too literally.
 

Nahmeanz

Senior Member
Joined
Dec 27, 2007
Messages
270
Reaction score
1
Originally Posted by teddieriley
you're taking it too literally.

haha well the guy asked for advice, and I think 10 people suggested kicking the brother's ass.
 

Featured Sponsor

How important is full vs half canvas to you for heavier sport jackets?

  • Definitely full canvas only

    Votes: 55 35.3%
  • Half canvas is fine

    Votes: 61 39.1%
  • Really don't care

    Votes: 17 10.9%
  • Depends on fabric

    Votes: 27 17.3%
  • Depends on price

    Votes: 28 17.9%

Forum statistics

Threads
505,207
Messages
10,579,298
Members
223,892
Latest member
cprice
Top