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Refusing gifts

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by Fabienne, Jun 20, 2006.

  1. Spencer Young

    Spencer Young Senior member

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    I'm not sure if the husband excuse is the best. If he knows the husband, then I feel like you could make it somewhat awkward between the two of them if you use that excuse. It could also be taken as implictly saying that he's trying to impede on your husband's 'turf', as if he's coming onto you.

    We know that your two aesthetics are very different, but if you gave him sufficient guidance on what you'd like perhaps he could make something that is agreable? It sounds like taking his hobbies in stride and mild interest might be the best way out of this situation.
     
  2. Fabienne

    Fabienne Senior member

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    Became increasingly annoyed at his persistence and dropped this into his email tonight:

    I understand your intentions, but you have to hear what I am saying. I would think there are people out there, such as your friend Kris, who can use and appreciate a piece of jewelry more than I would right now. [insert husband's first name] has been more than generous in that regards. As for me, as previously mentioned, if I feel I can use something to complete my jewelry collection, I would commission you and we could work on a design together, that would be more interesting to me. I think this would be a much more effective use of your time and talent.



    He's harmless, but thank you for your concern. My husband is well aware of his prose. Margaret's question about the next hobby is exactly the reason why I started this thread. I have had a frank conversation with him before, twice. He has other endearing qualities, but it seems to take him a long time to actually realize I do not always fit the mold he has in mind.
     
  3. globetrotter

    globetrotter Senior member

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    but it seems to take him a long time to actually realize I do not always fit the mold he has in mind.



    sorry, but nobody should be thinking of molding you but your parents, your boss, a mentor you have chosen and your husband, and frankly, most of those shouldn't be thinking of molding you, either.
     
  4. Fabienne

    Fabienne Senior member

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    Globetrotter: Bad choice of words on my part, perhaps. I meant that he has certain ideas of what women are like, for example, and it has taken me a long time to break his assumptions towards me.

    Stach: Dreadful, no. We simply don't have the same sense of aesthetics. He showed me rings he made for his mother and for his wife, and they're nice, but they wouldn't be me, and I'm not sure he would be able to create something to fit my personality. I must add that I am very particular when it comes to jewelry, clothes, etc, hence his allusion to "wading into dangerous waters". He knows how difficult I am to please. [​IMG]
     
  5. Fabienne

    Fabienne Senior member

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    Failure. One last attempt to sway me, he says, if I refuse, he won't try again.

    Either I drop it because, frankly, this is taking too much energy, or I make an example of it, but I'm not even sure it would serve as a lesson.
     
  6. imageWIS

    imageWIS Senior member

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    This is why I only give gifts top people I know will appreciate the gesture. I know it sounds harsh, but most people tend to appreciate less than I would like (in other words: not at all), thus I simply do not give them gifts.

    Jon.
     
  7. Joffrey

    Joffrey Senior member

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    Why not just graciously accept the ring and not wear it if you dont like it? He already said that was fine with him
     
  8. Joffrey

    Joffrey Senior member

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    ah ddint know Fabienne was a lady (was thinking Fabian), yeah the "Jewelry reserved for husband" is a good one. Otherwise take the other gifts and dont use them, if he asks why mention how you always tried to politely decline them but he always "flipped out" (figurative).
     
  9. Fabienne

    Fabienne Senior member

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    Why not just graciously accept the ring and not wear it if you dont like it? He already said that was fine with him

    The problem is not solely the ring. It is numerous gifts, some rather bulky, that are meant to be displayed. It is someone unable to accept that I may not want a ring, a framed portrait of myself, etc.

    I decided to stick to my position.
     
  10. Nantucket Red

    Nantucket Red Senior member

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    Failure. One last attempt to sway me, he says, if I refuse, he won't try again.

    Either I drop it because, frankly, this is taking too much energy, or I make an example of it, but I'm not even sure it would serve as a lesson.


    Are you able to say, "I've been trying to refuse politely but it's taking way too much energy."?

    If you can find a diplomatic way to convey to him what you're conveying to us, it might get the message across.
     
  11. Fabienne

    Fabienne Senior member

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    Are you able to say, "I've been trying to refuse politely but it's taking way too much energy."?

    If you can find a diplomatic way to convey to him what you're conveying to us, it might get the message across.


    I just refused for the third time, firmly, but with a bit of playfulness so he hopefully doesn't get offended. But I wouldn't be surprised if my Christmas gift were made of gold. Sigh.

    I imagine there will be "un froid" for a while, just like the time I told him I no longer wanted to do photo sessions.
     
  12. Dakota rube

    Dakota rube Senior member

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    I probably should learn to leave my shovel in the shed, but your reply, Fabienne, leaves me with an uneasy feeling.

    You've said several times that this friend has only the most innocent intentions. I should believe you, but methinks you might not be catching the full force of his aim. I don't think a casual "friend" would be this persistent, nor would he offer gifts of what I deem intimate nature.

    I think the "playfulness" you indicate accompanied your most recent refusal will dilute your intent. As Barney Fife said, it's time to "nip it in the bud. Nip it. Nip it. Nip it."
     
  13. matadorpoeta

    matadorpoeta Senior member

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    fabienne, a true artist would make the ring with or without your permission or input. he would then give it to you regardless of whether or not you wanted it.

    the fact that there's so much discourse about it before he's even made the thing shows an alterior motive.
     
  14. Fabienne

    Fabienne Senior member

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    His latest reply was solemn, I simply got out of that mode. It was more of a "lighten up" kind of answer. I think he takes affront at my potentially pointing at the fact that he might not be skilled enough. As a background, I didn't like the last photographs he had taken at all, the large format camera being most unflattering. He differed. I think it may be his way of attempting to create something I will finally be pleased by, as he knows photography is out. His wife likes everything he does, so the contrast is striking.
     
  15. stach

    stach Senior member

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    Well if he does wind up giving you the ring, either give it to charity and let him know that you did, or have your husband return the ring to him. This guy sounds a little nutty.
     

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