I've lost my drive and stuck in a rut.

[Maverick_]

In the last year I slept with 30-50 women and fulfilled many of my sexual dreams with women.

The drive I had to achieve this meant I was into my fitness, nutrition etc.

Now I've been stuck in a rut for the last couple of months, not once have I visited the gym. I don't feel motivated to do anything and my general attitude is "Meh".

I am taking a break from dating women which was my main driver after being exhausted dating so many.

But I am concerned my sex drive has gone. I don't feel "Up" for it these days and can't feel anything down there. Don't get me wrong I can still get an erection but it's not the same as before when I was excited about sex.

I am not sure what's wrong with me.

At the moment the only thing that's going right for me is my career and work.

Has anyone had this type of issue before? Or how do I fix this?

 

[beargonefishing]

Have you tried murder? One or two might give you back your mojo.

 

[ledouche]

Yup,

ennui. Quit my job and went back to school for medicine and started pursuing things besides money and women. I'm happier overall these days, but if I were wiser I would have planned it a bit better. It sure is tough going from nearly 200k/yr to part-time work with tips and college expenses plus medical bills to pay, but I'm happy. I chat with new, interesting folks every day and enjoy cheap, simple pleasures in the day-to-day without much pretense.

Maybe you're just unhappy with the day-to-day? There's nothing wrong with that. Maybe take a breather, meet an Indian Guru and write about it in a book?

 

[Nafets47]

Obviously your goal or thing you were striving for is gone. You need to set a new honest goal which you want to obtain in life. Not something like "I want a Ferrari" but something that you really do want in life that you can get behind and push to obtain.

I guess your interest in life was to be with a large amount of women and you did so. Now there is no goal to be obtained, hence the "meh."

I went through something very similar. However when I looked at what I really wanted (goal), I decided that I wanted my neighbor hood and area to be much safer and better to live in. So I started volunteering a lot and donating money to certain charities which back my efforts. I find that I am no longer "meh" and much happier in general.

 

[Matty01]

In all seriousness, have you gotten your testosterone checked? That could be it.

It could also just be a matter of re-orienting your motivation. I have no affiliation with this guy, but I thought his vid was really good.



I feel you on the whole casual sex thing becoming unexciting. One solution may be deciding it's time for a relationship with a quality women. That might help you regain your motivation to get and stay in shape.

 

[Rixon]

I just saw this and thought I might chime in with a little psychology. Primarily focusing on the 'meh' and 'not motivated' components of your post. Congratulations on the number of women, haha.

I use the psychology in the office to get things done because I know how to get coworkers motivated. The main point: Motivation is a skill. Not a characteristic.

Basics:
There was an incidence once of a man in a car accident who lost his emotion. The outcome was that he could not make decisions. This would spark a number of experiments and research. The discovery is a neat result: you require 1. emotion to 2. make decisions and 3. become motivated. When you have a loss of interest, or 'meh', you are actually reducing the amount of activity in the part of your brain related to making a decision and being motivated. Now, these 3 items are so related that they can rejuvenate and destroy one another. That understanding would help similar victims to regain emotion and motivation.

Practical fix:
The brain likes the feeling of control. You do thus by constantly making small decisions, regardless of the outcome. In many cases, even having someone play a game of guessing the total number from a dice roll would ignite activity in the area of the brain related to motivation. That's the neat part and related to why playing simple video-games makes you feel good, as if you're in control :O . The outcome of the decision doesn't matter. Just make one. Even rolling dice and continually guessing the outcome is a good start. So, you create scenarios to make decisions. You typically go to one grocery store? Why not start going to the other. Go to one cafe? Keep trying new ones. You don't want the doughnut at work? don't have it. All of this gives the sense of control.

The next step after control is a sense of direction. With each decision, ask yourself "why are you doing this?" This makes any decision, even chores, meaningful and those small decisions toether make a constellation of meaning. Motivation is a skill. Not a characteristic. It is trained like anything else: practice. The practice here is practicing making decisions. Over a month to three, you will start feeling things a bit more (even sex drive and a raise in testosterone) and motivation will come. Motivation sustains a habit. It very rarely creates one.

Enjoy,