How much did you pay for your wife's/fiancee's engagement ring?

[Jr Mouse]

Yes, I realize many women want to have control/influence over the ring. That doesn’t make the practice any more tasteful or any less cake-and-eat-it-too — “I’m a traditionalist insofar as you should buy me a ring but I’m progressive in that I should get to pick it out.” If one really wants to do away with tradition, there shouldn’t be an engagement ring at all, which I totally respect.

"The way I do things is definitely the right and only tasteful way to do things."

There's more than a whiff of sexism wrapped up in this post. Not something I have seen from you before.

 

[Omega Male]

Pull an SFer's name out of a hat and you'll find someone who can't get laid.

You really think they're gonna get married? Y'all need to quit lying.

@edinatlanta

 

[RSS]

Piobaire, you have THE perfect avatar for this thread.

 

[Omega Male]

Yes, I realize many women want to have control/influence over the ring. That doesn’t make the practice any more tasteful or any less cake-and-eat-it-too — “I’m a traditionalist insofar as you should buy me a ring but I’m progressive in that I should get to pick it out.” If one really wants to do away with tradition, there shouldn’t be an engagement ring at all, which I totally respect.

My wife has treated her ring as kind of an ongoing fun upgrade project as she really likes jewelry -- from an artistic/esthetic standpoint rather than just for display or whatever. When we got married in 1998, we barely had a pot to piss in so the ring was very much an afterthought. In 2008, she repurposed the original and rather humble one carat stone into a set of stud earrings and found a designer she liked to make a far nicer custom solitaire that was about double the size and much better quality. Then in 2018, that stone went into a pendant necklace and they came up with this together, presumably on the basis that more diamonds are better than fewer diamonds. Looking forward to 2028!

 

[wojt]

"The way I do things is definitely the right and only tasteful way to do things."

There's more than a whiff of sexism wrapped up in this post. Not something I have seen from you before.

He is 100% right, if she doesn’t like the ring she can always decline.

To the second part of your post, I’ll be generous and say you’re naive to think to that accepting ****** controlling behaviour from a woman is ever a good idea.

 

[TheFoo]

"The way I do things is definitely the right and only tasteful way to do things."

There's more than a whiff of sexism wrapped up in this post. Not something I have seen from you before.

So ... a man has to think it’s a good idea to buy an expensive piece of jewelry that his fiancee picks for herself as a prerequisite for her agreement to marry him, or otherwise he’s sexist?

What are they teaching in schools these days ...

 

[GeneralEmployer]

I also think context is important. The ring, in most cases, is supposed to be a surprise. Hence, wanting to pick one out is a bit like telling somebody where you want your surprise birthday to be. What's worse is that man may already have an heirloom piece that his family wants to give the bride. By the point of engagement, the man should know a woman's taste. He can ask questions in a casual way to get something she'll love.

Of course there are probably plenty of cases where letting the woman pick the ring is not so bad. I think if the man is completely clueless, and the woman's only vice is jewelry, then it may make sense for her to take the lead. But as a general rule, Foo is right. Especially if you're on this forum, you should have enough of a idea of how to shop for a gift.

The Omega story is instructive, however. The woman can always change the ring. Great story because A) Omega's wife is relatively frugal (compared to him) and B) jewelry seems to be her only vice. What does this mean? Even in cases where the person may want more, they can get it later. Seeing how somebody reacts to this litmus test is more valuable than pleasing them. Like I said, 4 times. Soon will be my fifth up to bat.

 

[ValidusLA]

Just do what my buddy did. Got his wife a ring he thought she'd like. Then on their honeymoon their hotel safe was broken into (later found out to be by staff) and the ring was stolen. The hotel gave them a few grand more than the ring was worth, and then she designed her own! Best of all worlds!

 

[Piobaire]

Thread is indeed delivering, so for once, GE was correct...just not in the sense he indicated.

Typed while sitting at the fire pit.

 

[TheFoo]

Just do what my buddy did. Got his wife a ring he thought she'd like. Then on their honeymoon their hotel safe was broken into (later found out to be by staff) and the ring was stolen. The hotel gave them a few grand more than the ring was worth, and then she designed her own! Best of all worlds!

Well, except what an awful thing to happen on your honeymoon!

 

[ValidusLA]

Well, except what an awful thing to happen on your honeymoon!

Right!?

Especially cause these two were not exactly rolling in dough at the time - they took a loan for their wedding (a practice I find mildly insane).

 

[Omega Male]

What are they teaching in schools these days ...

That you have to let your wife option out your Porsche.

 

[RSS]

If there is questionable behavior before the marriage, you can rest assured it will be present in spades once married.

I will always recall a friend's divorce. In a deposition the wife cut lose and offered up "He never changed to what I wanted him to be. I told him over and over what I expected. It fell on deaf ears. He just never changed."

I'm not going to say I have the perfect marriage. But we started as best friends liking each other for who we were. We are still best friends almost 40 years later and like each other for who we are.

 

[Piobaire]

We are still best friends almost 40 years later and like each other for who we are.

There are many types of relationships but I think the strongest ones are composed of best friends and equal partners.

 

[GeneralEmployer]

For friendship is nothing else than an accord in all things, human and divine, conjoined with mutual goodwill and affection, and I am inclined to think that, with the exception of wisdom, no better thing has been given to man by the immortal gods. Some prefer riches, some good health, some power, some public honours, and many even prefer sensual pleasures. This last is the highest aim of brutes; the others are fleeting and unstable things and dependent less upon human foresight than upon the fickleness of fortune. Again, there are those who place the “chief good” in virtue and that is really a noble view; but this very virtue is the parent and preserver of friendship and without virtue friendship cannot exist at all.