Email from an old poke

[Dakota rube]

So the other day I get one of those emails from Classmates.com that says I've got mail from "Becky" (obviously not the real name guys). Do you ever get those? Well, I bit, and followed the link.

Turns out to be an email from a girl (woman now) who was a classmate of my little sister, who I used to do the horizontal mombo with. It was always one of those "zipless f***s" like Erica Jong wrote about; no commitment, no "I love you", no expectations. Just pure, unadulterated, recreational sex. It was back in the 70s when everyone was living by CS&N's "love the one you're with" credo anyway.

So I haven't heard from, or even thought about this gal for about a hundred years. Rumor has it that she was in Hawaii working as a high-priced coat hangers. I think I even heard that from her brother.

So her email is "blah blah, yadda yadda, I've always thought about you, yadda yadda." Just kinda dropped it in there. I replied (first mistake), just to be nice, and now I've gotten another email from her.

This one says she moved back to the midwest to be near her family cause she "missed them, and you [me], yadda yadda."

So, gentlemen, how do we proceed here. I have no interest in her or any other woman (I'm married 26 years).

Do I simply ignore her emails?
Do I politely reply, ignoring what appears to me to be come ones.
Do I reply and tell her I'm happily, happily married and leave me alone?

I'm thinking ignore, but would like your opinions.

 

[globetrotter]

I am thinking, room for disaster, cut it off immidiatly and irriversably. "thanks, I am happily married, hope you have a great life"

and then ignore her emails from then on. oh, and tell your wife, just to make damn well sure that this doens't come up in the future in a way that makes you look bad.

 

[auto90403]

i second globetrotter's advice.

 

[LA Guy]

I'll third that.

 

[Bradford]

I am going to go slightly against the grain here as I have had a situation similar to this myself. I say write back, but in doing so give her an update on how happy you are, how well you and your wife are doing and how much you enjoy your life. You don't have to be rude (i.e. I've been married for 16 years, leave me alone you ho

) but you can give her an update in a way that makes it clear you are not on the market. Additionally, if she is moving back to the area, it may be that there have been changes in her life and she truly is looking for friends and not still hung up on your "prowess" in the sack. Perhaps you could let her know if you still keep in touch with any of your mutual high school friends and how they are doing. There's no harm in being friendly as long as you don't lead her on, but it's just plain rude to ignore her. Just my $.02. Bradford

 

[topcatny]

I think you need to reply. As Bradford suggested give an update on your life and make it perfectly clear that you are happy with your life the way it is. I don't think you need to address the innuendos directly, but you can answer in a way that makes it clear you are not interested.

But, As globetrotter suggested and others agreed this is dangerous territory. I think you need to update your wife on the situation immediately. If you don't and she finds out you aren't going to look good. After that I vote for ceasing communication. This sounds like trouble to me.

 

[Fabienne]

This one says she moved back to the midwest to be near her family cause she "missed them, and you [me], yadda yadda."

Trouble. This smells rotten. I would respond perhaps one more time, in an unequivocal manner, and then delete, delete, delete. Or delete now, if your conscience will leave you in peace.

It often doesn't pay to be nice, in those types of situations. You think people will understand and be sensitive to what you are telling them, but many are ruthless.

 

[Eric]

I agree with Fabienne. Maybe one more reply letting her know your situation, let her know you are not able to meet her in any kind of social situation be it friends or lovers. You can do this politely.

But if you *****foot around this, or try to do the "friend" thing, your gonna end up sleeping with her eventually. Not accussing you here, but lets face it that how us men are.

If she is insistant, by all means end it by being an asshole. Usually someone has to be the badguy to end something like this, and its gonna have to be you, because she is certainly not going to.

Eric

 

[Etruscan]

I think Bradford's strategy is both the kindest and the most potentially effective. Topcatny's further suggestion (pre-emptive mention to the wife) is a good one. I don't know how the woman can be blamed for getting in touch (after all, how is she to know of her old playmate's marriage?).

It would have been one thing to ignore the Classmates.com message (I've done this myself, I admit), but, having replied in the first place (a reflection of curiosity evidently mistaken for interest), courtesy now demands a simple, but polite, disclosure of one's happily married state.

Lastly, not that she would be aware of the characterization here, but I doubt any woman would be flattered to be referred to as an "old poke." Surely even a blissfully happy marriage doesn't demand that one's former flames be spoken of so contemptuously.

 

[Dakota rube]

Actually, in days gone by, she referred to herself as a "poke", so my use of the term is not of my own making.

 

[kabert]

The fact that she tells you, 26 years later, that she misses you and has thought about you all these many years, I think is cause for concern. She sounds depressed and/or unstable. I wouldn't go in to any real detail in responding to her again about your current happy existence. How about just telling her - -good luck in your move and perhaps you'll see her at the next high school reunion. Plenty of people ignore emails -- why not you?

 

[Dakota rube]

CTGuy, and all the rest of you here at SF,

Please allow me to assure you that I had nothing to do with Wednesday's episode in StyleForum involving the invasion of the boys from KFAN. I hope you'll all continue to afford me the opportunity to post and to enjoy the incredible wealth of knowledge and opinion I've found here.

Dakota Rube

 

[johnw86]

you guys may want to read this other thread before taking this fellow too seriously.  I think he may be related to some sort of sophmoric invasion of radio listeners.

Nah, Dakota Rube was here prior to Wednesday, and he's OK.