Domestic violence ...help?

[Douglas]

*The following is a joke in poor taste but it would probably still work IRL*

If you want her to love you you need to show her how it's gotta be. Rough her up a little so she knows how much you care. To win a girl's heart, you have to be more obsessive and possessive than the next guy.

 

[acidboy]

+1 on the numerous voices saying you should stay away... have a family member in a relation with someone who's verbally abusive... have even asked her to leave the guy and I'll take care of all her expenses once... in the end they're still together, I'm still the fool who came out "not understanding the situation" and she still complains about how hard it is and yet comes home for more of the same.

 

[flashback]

women are really stupid. Even though he's abusive and controlling, for some bizarre reason she'll love him for it and never leave him. Just completely remove her and any traces of her from your life. Delete her off facebook and ****, leave no stone unturned.

 

[bigboy]

I think it's a lot harder for the OP to walk away from this than you guys are making it sound. If she was just some random chick, then yes, it would be fairly easy to walk away AND it would be the best thing; she isn't your problem. But this is someone he goes way back with, and possibly still has feelings for her. It may just be my naïve nature, but the least you can do for her is to give it a shot. Try helping her out, but at the same time watch out for yourself firstly. If it doesn't work, you can't be blamed for trying and hopefully any guilt/obligations you have will disappear as well.

P.S. Women don't act on logic..they're fueled by emotions

 

[globetrotter]

of course it isn't easy, but it is the correct thing to do.

 

[Tck13]

Originally Posted by bigboy

I think it's a lot harder for the OP to walk away from this than you guys are making it sound. If she was just some random chick, then yes, it would be fairly easy to walk away AND it would be the best thing; she isn't your problem.

But this is someone he goes way back with, and possibly still has feelings for her.

It may just be my naïve nature, but the least you can do for her is to give it a shot. Try helping her out, but at the same time watch out for yourself firstly. If it doesn't work, you can't be blamed for trying and hopefully any guilt/obligations you have will disappear as well.

P.S. Women don't act on logic..they're fueled by emotions

Of course it's easier for anyone that's not in the situation to express their opinion. We don't have the feelings that the OP has. But then again, that's also the reason why it's so easy for those not involved to see what's going on.

It's never easy breaking up or leaving someone. Especially if one sees them hurting themselves. It's about working through those feelings and thoughts to get to a better place. That's why a lot of people can never leave destructive relationships. If the OP wants to continue it may be painful and it may even work out. But the chances of that happening are VERY slim.

 

[msza]

Originally Posted by bigboy

I think it's a lot harder for the OP to walk away from this than you guys are making it sound. If she was just some random chick, then yes, it would be fairly easy to walk away AND it would be the best thing; she isn't your problem.

But this is someone he goes way back with, and possibly still has feelings for her.

It may just be my naïve nature, but the least you can do for her is to give it a shot. Try helping her out, but at the same time watch out for yourself firstly. If it doesn't work, you can't be blamed for trying and hopefully any guilt/obligations you have will disappear as well.

P.S. Women don't act on logic..they're fueled by emotions

Thanks. It is very hard. But it's geting easier with every day that I keep clear of the situation. Seeing ~30 people with no vested interest in the situation post virtually the same thing -- not your problem, move on -- has been helpful. Interestingly, people I've spoke to IRL have said that I should stick it out and fight for her, but I think that's because they can see the degree to which I am still emotionally tangled in this mess.


I've decided to put it on the shelf for 1-2 months, then to call her and say hi. Hopefully that will convey the message that I care about her, even if I'm not 'with' her. I think that will help raise her self-worth (help her to feel like she can be more than just a sex object) , which could then help her to make the right decision for herself. I just want to make sure that we both know I have outlasted my infatuation stage before I contact her again.

 

[Tarmac]

 

[CDFS]

Originally Posted by msza

Thanks. It is very hard. But it's geting easier with every day that I keep clear of the situation. Seeing ~30 people with no vested interest in the situation post virtually the same thing -- not your problem, move on -- has been helpful. Interestingly, people I've spoke to IRL have said that I should stick it out and fight for her, but I think that's because they can see the degree to which I am still emotionally tangled in this mess.


I've decided to put it on the shelf for 1-2 months, then to call her and say hi. Hopefully that will convey the message that I care about her, even if I'm not 'with' her. I think that will help raise her self-worth (help her to feel like she can be more than just a sex object) , which could then help her to make the right decision for herself. I just want to make sure that we both know I have outlasted my infatuation stage before I contact her again.

Yes, trust the strangers, not your friends!

 

[MrDaniels]

Dude....WALK AWAY....DO NOT LOOK BACK....DO NOT PASS GO. After all you have read here, do you still need convincing? I have two words for you:


RON GOLDMAN

 

[msza]

Maybe I need to keep a pic of Mr. Goldman in my wallet. Jeez, I'm not accustomed to basing my dating decisions on whether or not they will result in my death.

 

[GQgeek]

Originally Posted by MrDaniels

Dude....WALK AWAY....DO NOT LOOK BACK....DO NOT PASS GO. After all you have read here, do you still need convincing? I have two words for you:


RON GOLDMAN

Was he murdered for wearing that tie?

 

[Dakota rube]

I fail to see how Ron Goldman has anything to do with this situation.

 

[dragon8]

I had a friend that was ina DV relationship. Both of them were fighting and I had to bail her out of jail. She was good for awhile and said she would dump him and all and she literally fell off the map. No contact or nothing for years then she admitted she was embarrassed and tired of hearing everyone tell her to leave him.

She's back with him now.

 

[brandall10]

Originally Posted by msza

I've decided to put it on the shelf for 1-2 months, then to call her and say hi. Hopefully that will convey the message that I care about her, even if I'm not 'with' her. I think that will help raise her self-worth (help her to feel like she can be more than just a sex object) , which could then help her to make the right decision for herself.

mzsa,

This won't do a thing to raise her self worth - it will just solidify her world view.

The main issue with women like this is they are highly submissive. What she needs is someone who is nurturing but also strongly dominant. Those are high self-esteem, socially intelligent guys - they will see the red flags fairly quickly and move on. Her experience with men like that probably amount to one-three night stands. On the flip-side, are the 'nice' guys. Nice guys say stuff like "I want to make her feel like more than a sex object". They. Don't. Get. It. All they do is make girls like this feel wet only for guys who beat the **** out of them.

You won't find the answers here on StyleForum. Get into the seduction community, remake yourself.