Do you and your SO fight?

[Mr Herbert]

Originally Posted by APK

Some of you guys sound like you're in toxic relationships.

some people will argue regardless of what relationship they are in

lol at globetrotters MIL. three friends of mine have south american girlfriends/wives (brazil, argentina and columbia) and their MILs are ALL like that.

 

[SField]

Originally Posted by globetrotter

^

the last 3 arguments we have had

1. the last time my MIL was visiting she told me (by the way, my MIL doesn't believe that she should ever have to say please or thank you, and she inturupts all the time) that I should use my airline points to bring the family to visit her in Colombia this winter. I told her that we would come sometime, but that I wanted to go to a few other places first - like Singapore and ISrael, since we have been to colombia with the kids already a few times. she had a **** fit and yelled at me, in front of my family, about how I hate her and am so agressive to her.

2. we went to a hotel restraunt when my daughters were a year and a half old, and she took one of them for a walk in the kitchen, without telling us where she was going, and I yelled at her. that same week, she road in the back of a taxi with one of the babies on her lap without a seatbelt, and wouldn't agree to wear a seat belt, so I had us pull over and took the baby away from her.


3. we were at a large festival and she walked off with my son, without telling anybody where she went. that same visit, she told my son that he didn't have to keep saying "please" and "thank you"

jesus now I hate her too.

 

[SField]

I argue with my SO frequently.

We get along great but despite putting up a front of being a tough russian/israeli girl she's extremely sensitive and she often accuses me of "getting mad" at her. She says that it's all in my tone of voice. I've very recently figured out what she means and I've made adjustments, and it has seemed to work. Maybe it really is my tone of voice because I never even mean to sound condescending or needlessly critical. She has admitted to being extremely sensitive to what I think or say, which is strange because she's seems pretty impenetrable with everyone else.

Our biggest argument was with me wanting to continue living in Chicago. She wants us back in NYC, which I'm resisting. I'm sure we'll compromise at some point.

I'm working hard at trying to figure out which things that I think are totally innocent piss her off, and getting rid of them. Most of the time it's an easy fix and I figure that I don't lose anything by getting rid of the habit.

 

[GQgeek]

Originally Posted by SField

I argue with my SO frequently. We get along great but despite putting up a front of being a tough russian/israeli girl she's extremely sensitive and she often accuses me of "getting mad" at her. She says that it's all in my tone of voice. I've very recently figured out what she means and I've made adjustments, and it has seemed to work. Maybe it really is my tone of voice because I never even mean to sound condescending or needlessly critical. She has admitted to being extremely sensitive to what I think or say, which is strange because she's seems pretty impenetrable with everyone else. Our biggest argument was with me wanting to continue living in Chicago. She wants us back in NYC, which I'm resisting. I'm sure we'll compromise at some point. I'm working hard at trying to figure out which things that I think are totally innocent piss her off, and getting rid of them. Most of the time it's an easy fix and I figure that I don't lose anything by getting rid of the habit.
Yeah, wet wipes are a good idea. Those stains are so preventable, and so is the argument they must cause.

 

[kwilkinson]

Damn. That girl made you her *****, SField.

 

[SField]

Originally Posted by kwilkinson

Damn. That girl made you her *****, SField.

It's more like the other way around. I see right through her and pretty much always know what she's thinking, which she hates but really appreciates. I think it's why she only really cares what I think about her, and no one else.

I do have to admit that I'm far more considerate of her than any girl in the past. I actually will take steps to avoid conflict with her, and most of the time that involves just monitoring how I communicate. My sense of humor can be very cutting and I realize that.

As far as being her *****... well... the fact that she can put up with my libido, and on some days even out-do it... I'll do pretty much anything for that woman. She also revealed to me recently that she finds my middle of the night jerk off sessions next to her to be funny/endearing. I'm so in love.

 

[West24]

i dont think how many times you fight is an indication of how good or bad a relationship is. some of you who never fight could be because you a) just dont care anymore and are comfortable to just let things slide because its easier. or b) one of you is a push over and bottles everything just as to not fight.

 

[sho'nuff]

Originally Posted by West24

i dont think how many times you fight is an indication of how good or bad a relationship is. some of you who never fight could be because you a) just dont care anymore and are comfortable to just let things slide because its easier. or b) one of you is a push over and bottles everything just as to not fight.
I agree. Sometimes, it's the reason of being dysfunctional that they don't fight/argue.

 

[Matt]

Originally Posted by globetrotter

I'm glad you asked that, as I haven't had an opportunity to rant about my mother in law in days.

mostly, its because she is the devil and was put her on earth to torture me and make the lives of innocent people misrable.


actually, wwe just are very very different people, and because she doesn't really have anything going on in her life aside from my family, she wants to be more and more involved with my life.

she hasn't worked a day in her life, and considred that to be a good thing, her status is set by who who parents and grandparents are - I am from a background where working is considered an important part of your status and value. she is very very loud, I am less; she has no impulse control, I value discipline; she believes that things like seatbelts and washing your hands after going to the bathroom are gringo plots against the good people of the world. I could go on.
that all sounds really hard on your wife.

 

[Douglas]

Occasionally, kwilk, I fight with your SO. But the makeup sex is great.

 

[gdl203]

Originally Posted by Piobaire

Two or three times, in nearly 13 years, we did get snippy with each other over something but I soon realized I was wrong and problem solved.

Wait... someone hacked into Pio's account ??

Wife and I never really fight. We may have a light argument every other month about something we disagree on but never yelled, never slammed doors, or anything like that. I can't imagine any reason we would get into that kind of mood.

 

[globetrotter]

Originally Posted by Matt

that all sounds really hard on your wife.

actually, it really is. I get pissed off at my wife for not supporting me more, her mother gets pissed off at her for not supporting her more, it is tough all around.

sometimes I really forget that my wife actually likes her mother, and that her mother gives her a lot of moral support when I am traveling.

but then I remember how much I hate the *****, and my empathy sort of fades away.

my wife lived with her mother until we were married, and her mother really has no life aside from my wife and my kids, so that makes it even harder on everyone. and, in my MIL's favor, she really isn't trying to hurt anybody, she is just incapable of thinking in a way that takes other people's needs into consideration, and she is incapable of seeing things from other viewpoints. I would say she is even simply incapable of not acting like a barbarian, if I were generious.

 

[gdl203]

Zach - allow me to be the devil's advocate for a second: it seems that your feelings for your MIL go beyond the simple disagreements you quoted as examples. It's clear from your posts that you are quick at judging her for who she is, her background and how she chose or was fortunate enough to live her life. You seem to also envy the strong relationship and trust that binds her to your wife.

I say: take the high road, don't flip out on her so often, let her have her way a little (as long as it's not dangerous for anyone of course) - it shouldn't take anything from you to let her feel like she's got a little bit of control and influence over her grand-children

And above all else, don't drag your wife into it and ask her to take your side against her. Imagine your daughter's boyfriend or husband doing this to you in the future? That's just not a fair thing to ask your wife and makes everyone unhappy. I say be the fuse and let it go...

[/devil's advocate]

 

[Piobaire]

Prior to finding Mrs. Piob, I was one of those folks that thought fighting was "a sign you care about the relationship" or indicative of a passionate relationship, etc., and that folks that never fought were somehow boring or did not have passion for the relationship. I had a couple like that and it was very comforting to rationalize things like that. If that relationship works for you, more power to you, however that style just doesn't work for me.

IMO, fighting and big arguments are a sign you both have very different wants and/or needs or at different points in your life. When you find someone that pretty much is at the same point in their life, has extremely similar wants and needs, there really is nothing to fight about. If you two feel your passion can overcome the need to mediate things in a big fight/argument fashion, more power to you. My work life is too stressful to desire stress at home. It's nice to know that the person waiting for me at home will not cause me more stress.

 

[acidboy]

too many to count, specially during the early years. it also ranged from petty arguments where we'd whisper at each other to throwing stuff and to threats of splitting up. we've kinda grew out of the immature ones but there are still some important issues that we have to take up that's been gnawing at us for the past few months that I wish we'd solve soon.