Dating call back question…

[itsstillmatt]

Milano Style, you are still a virgin. See how I didn't ask a question?

 

[imageWIS]

Originally Posted by iammatt

Milano Style, you are still a virgin. See how I didn't ask a question?

Personal attacks not withstanding, do you have any advice?

Jon.

 

[imageWIS]

Originally Posted by Ambulance Chaser

It sounds like she has feelings for you, just not romantic feelings, and would like to be friends.

In hindsight, the double date on Friday night was really strange. A double date is appropriate for a first date, or a date when you're in a relationship, but as a third date?

Well, I threw it out there as an idea. I don’t know, I mean it might be worth calling her tomorrow or Friday and trying to see her on Sunday to try to turn things around, but really, it’s a lost cause, no?

Being ‘friends’ is really out of the question. I mean, I want to go out on dates and have fun, not just be friends, I have more than enough friends that are chicks.

Jon.

 

[itsstillmatt]

Originally Posted by imageWIS

Personal attacks not withstanding, do you have any advice?

Jon.
Yes, I would move on. My guess is that she is making herself feel like less of a ***** by keeping Sunday even though she would rather not. I imagine that she will cancel it as the time grows nearer. I would just tell her that you understand her feelings and enjoyed the chance to get to know her. That way you will be, and appear to he as somebody who is neither a fool nor an ass, and that can only help you in the future with her or anybody you know in common.

 

[imageWIS]

Originally Posted by iammatt

Yes, I would move on. My guess is that she is making herself feel like less of a ***** by keeping Sunday even though she would rather not. I imagine that she will cancel it as the time grows nearer. I would just tell her that you understand her feelings and enjoyed the chance to get to know her. That way you will be, and appear to he as somebody who is neither a fool nor an ass, and that can only help you in the future with her or anybody you know in common.

Well, we haven't confirmed it. She told me to think about it and that basically, it was up to me and that we would talk later in the week.

Jon.

 

[dopey]

Move on definitively. She may not really know what she is doing and if she realizes you are gone, she may think she made a mistake and try to reconnect. It sounds like you both liked each other but for whatever reason, something was not right. That may be different in a few months. In the meantime, don't make a Conne of yourself and burn the image of you playing the desperate fool in her mind. If I read the original post correctly, she is your friend's sister so she may reappear in your life in a few months or years and both your circumstances may be different then.

Drop the issue for now. She knows you like her. She said no. If you hear from her in a day or two and she sounds like she has changed her mind, great. If not, look for the next one.

Edit: I just read your last comment, the "it's up to you bit." Only you were there, but this could be one of two things. Either, it is a passive aggressive way of making you pull the plug so she doesn't feel so bad. In that case, pull the plug and let her go down the drain (there is, as I said, always later). Or, she could be hedging herself and making you commit first. If you think it is the latter, why not take a chance and forge ahead. But treat it like it's a real date and as if you didn't ever hear the "no relationship" message. You will know if it worked. If she sticks to the message, then wind up the evening, say its been nice knowing you, go home and move on.

 

[imageWIS]

Originally Posted by dopey

Move on definitively. She may not really know what she is doing and if she realizes you are gone, she may think she made a mistake and try to reconnect. It sounds like you both liked each other but for whatever reason, something was not right. That may be different in a few months. In the meantime, don't make a Conne of yourself and burn the image of you playing the desperate fool in her mind. If I read the original post correctly, she is your friend's sister so she may reappear in your life in a few months or years and both your circumstances may be different then.

Drop the issue for now. She knows you like her. She said no. If you hear from her in a day or two and she sounds like she has changed her mind, great. If not, look for the next one.

My friend is dating her sister.

So, I shouldn't call her at all?

Jon.

 

[GQgeek]

Originally Posted by Ambulance Chaser

It sounds like she has feelings for you, just not romantic feelings, and would like to be friends.

Doesn't that sound familiar.

Jon, you can fight it, but I honestly don't think you're going to get what you want with this chick. I think deep down you know that. Nobody here can really advise you because we dont know exactly how everything went down. Try to think dispassionately about the situation and go with what your brain is telling you. When I've been in situations like this my ego has always won-out, and it's only served to extend the agony. It's an easy trap to fall in to if a woman is giving you positive cues.

This sounds exactly like my experience 5 months ago (except i was never told she wasn't interested in a relationship after the first 2 dates). I thought the girl was awesome, we had what I thought were amazing dates, she kept telling me during dates (when they actually happened) how much she liked me and all these things she wanted to do for me. I wasn't getting anywhere though and actually nailing-down dates continued to be a problem. Eventually I got sick of it and called her on her flaky behavior. At that point I finally got the truth. She still wanted to be friends though, an arrangement that would have been great for her but ****** for me.

The whole time i justified her flakiness b/c it was the run-up to montreal fashion week and she had a fashion show to put-on and tons of other stuff to do, i was working 90hrs/wk anyway, etc. I think we all fall in to that trap at least once in our lives. Other people can warn us but until we make the mistake for ourselves, we don't really learn.

My opinion is that you should cut your losses.

 

[dopey]

Originally Posted by imageWIS

My friend is dating her sister.

So, I shouldn't call her at all?

Jon.

What do I know? You were there.

Was she trying to make you end things because she doesn't want to swing the axe herself or was she trying to protect herself and make you commit? Either way, call her. If she wants you to swing the axe then call her to tell her you decided to _________ instead on Sunday (maybe there is a great special on the Fishing Channel that you have to watch). If she sounds like she is afraid she may have been too enthusiastic and feeling vulnerable, then call her to make plans and then treat it like a date.

Whatever you do, DON'T TELL HER YOU ARE SEEKING DATING ADVICE FROM STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET. We'll keep that our little secret.

 

[MilanoStyle]

Originally Posted by iammatt

Milano Style, you are still a virgin. See how I didn't ask a question?

iammatt, please, i understand you want to be witty, but be nice and gentleman you are.

 

[Get Smart]

maybe this girl got sent a link to this thread and freaked out. Hopefully you havent told any of your friends about this place (and this thread specifically)

either that or Ambulance Chaser nailed it with the .....with you comment.

move on. unfortunately that means this thread will die, but what a great ride

 

[MilanoStyle]

i disagree with others. make the girls say no.. till then keep gaming her

 

[imageWIS]

Originally Posted by Get Smart

maybe this girl got sent a link to this thread and freaked out. Hopefully you havent told any of your friends about this place (and this thread specifically)

either that or Ambulance Chaser nailed it with the .....with you comment.

move on. unfortunately that means this thread will die, but what a great ride

I don't care if the thread dies. Actually, if someone else learned from it, the more the better. After all, that's the point of the SF.

If she doesn't call me by say Friday, then I'll call her to see what's up and if she mentions something than ok, I'll go out with her on Sunday, but yeah, I'm already getting used to the idea that it's not going to work out. It's a shame though, I think it would have been fun and we would have worked out well.

Jon.

 

[Saucemaster]

Premise: There have been a number of these sorts of threads on SF recently. GQGeek, Conne, JB, now imageWIS... probably some others I'm forgetting. Assumption: The frequency of these threads is abnormal. Query: Do you attribute this to a) the fact that this is the internet, or b) the fact that this is a website devoted to men's clothing? Restated: Is there something about some dudes who get into clothes that makes them sexually naive? Or is it just the fact that we're on the internet in the first place? Discuss.

 

[dopey]

Originally Posted by imageWIS

I don't care if the thread dies. Actually, if someone else learned from it, the more the better. After all, that's the point of the SF.
. . .
Hmmmm. In that case, maybe you should show her this thread and ask her to evaluate where you went wrong and the quality of advice that has been given. Without some sort of critical review, future readers will have a hard time evaluating the wisdom of the comments and I don't see how much use it can really be.