21st century women can be difficult

[impolyt_one]

Have you ever tried working from home, with no clear goals of what you need to accomplish? That's what tends to happen to stay at home moms after about 5 months.

 

[CouttsClient]

Originally Posted by impolyt_one

Have you ever tried working from home, with no clear goals of what you need to accomplish? That's what tends to happen to stay at home moms after about 5 months.

Nope.

I think its pretty clear that the house needs to be cleaned and your husband or wife might like some dinner prepared when they get home from work.

 

[impolyt_one]

That's nice, but we are not women. Cash in your time/emotional tokens at the gate and see how far you get.

 

[CouttsClient]

Originally Posted by impolyt_one

That's nice, but we are not women. Cash in your time/emotional tokens at the gate and see how far you get.
Perhaps. I am very happy I don't deal with women in a romantic or sexual way.

 

[MrG]

Originally Posted by CouttsClient

Can someone please explain to me why people keep saying taking care of a baby is a very difficult thing to do?

A friend and his wife have a 6mo old baby. He works 5-6 days per week and she works 3 days per week. The house is alway a tragic mess.

I took care of the baby while they were both working and managed to have a great time with the baby, clean and organize the house from top to bottom and I had dinner ready when they both drove up the driveway. Actually it was fun.

I know doing this for weeks and months on end can make you want a vacation but acting as though physically taking care of your household is some sort of tough job that people should get awards for is beyond me.

I think it is pure laziness.

You took care of a baby for one night. That's not even comparable to the constant-on lifestyle of someone with a baby.

I have a six-month-old son, and MrsG and I both work, so I'm qualified to answer this question.

Our life, Monday through Friday:

MrsG wakes up between five and six, depending upon when LowerCaseG awakes. There's also a strong possibility that she's been up at least once during the night to tend to the baby (though this has gotten better recently). She feeds the baby, gets him dressed, and gets ready to leave for work.

I wake up and get in the shower while she finishes with the baby. There's a fair possibility I've been up with the baby as well, though MrsG usually wakes to his cries before me and deals with him, so I'm less likely to be awakened during the night. She leaves for work (she commutes), and I try to keep the baby happy while I get ready for work. I drop him at day care, where I have to give a run down of how he slept and when he last ate, and head to work.

We both work all day.

I get off work, pick up LowerCaseG, and head home, where I start cooking dinner. I also have to entertain the baby and let the dogs out. MrsG gets home about half an hour after me. With any luck I've been able to at least get dinner prepped by the time she gets home. She takes over with the baby so I can cook dinner. Depending upon when dinner is finished, she might have to eat while feeding the baby. We usually finish eating between 6:30 and 7:00, but it can go much later if LowerCaseG needed a lot of attention before mommy got home.

We finish dinner and try to spend some time with the baby. At some time around 8:00, mommy takes LowerCaseG upstairs for bed, where she changes his diaper/clothes, reads him a story, and puts him to bed. She's usually back downstairs between 8:15-8:30. The baby usually stays asleep, but sometimes I have to go up and settle him again between 8:45-9:00

Once the events of the evening are finished, we try to take some time to spend together, pay bills, pick up a bit, and maybe watch a little TV. Then it's off to bed so we can do it all again tomorrow.

As you can see, it can become a grind. You get good at it, and it's worth it, but that doesn't make it easy. Also, babies have no concept of when you're tired, or when you need some time to relax, so you're at their beck and call whenever they decide they need you.

With regard to cleaning, given there's no extra time during the week, that stuff gets done on the weekend, but you also want to spend that time with family and/or having fun elsewhere. Sure, the house could be spotless if you spent your weekend only taking care of it, but sometimes you think "you know, a nice day at the park with my wife and baby, or spending some adult time at my friend's cookout, is more important to me right now than scrubbing the bathroom."

 

[CouttsClient]

^^^ MrG, I see how this is tiring. You are very engaged in your life but that is not the same situation as many people with lazy wives or husbands who are off 3-4 days per week but keep a messy house and then complain about how "tough" taking care of the baby is. In the case of my friends the baby sleeps through the night. Its is true that the longest amount of time I've been in charge of seeing after a child was 2 weeks but again, it wasn't an issue for me in terms of stress. Congrats on figuring out a system that works for you but your situation is night and day from what I've witnessed on a number of occasions. Some of these people have a housekeeper and a nanny but manage to do nothing to see after the quality of their relationships at home and elsewhere. Both you and your wife seem to be working together very well

 

[MrG]

^^ That's a good point. MrsG and I both have full-time jobs, and we have to balance that with having a baby. We're also fortunate in that we tend to approach these things like a team, and we're both generally reasonable people. For me, the added pressure and business of our new(ish) schedule has been beneficial - I value my free time a lot more than I used to (no more three hours of TV after work for me), and I'm far more productive than I used to be.

We have friends who sound about like what you mentioned. They have two kids, one's just about three, the other a little over a year. Mom stays home with the kids, dad works right around 40 hours a week, usually a little less. They complain all the time about how stressful their lives are with kids, and they've been doing it since they only had one child.

A good example: We took a trip with them recently and rented a house together. The wife was responsible for finding the house, but she was "too busy," so MrsG had to do it instead. I'm not sure how the stay-at-home mom (SAHM) was busier than my wife the working mom, but apparently she was. It was really odd to me that MrsG made the arrangements with no problem, while SAHM couldn't fit it in, but whatever.

The icing on the cake was when we got there and the dad said "see, now you know how stressful it is to travel with kids. SAHM and I are enjoying laughing at you guys now that you're parents, too." MrsG and I basically said, "it's really not that bad, dude. You just go with the flow." MrsG and I talked about it again on the way home, and we couldn't figure out why they have so much trouble with it all.

Sorry for the rant. Suffice it to say, I'm about as sympathetic as you are with people in my friends' situation who ***** and moan about how "stressful" their lives are.

 

[CouttsClient]

Originally Posted by MrG

^^ That's a good point. MrsG and I both have full-time jobs, and we have to balance that with having a baby. We're also fortunate in that we tend to approach these things like a team, and we're both generally reasonable people. For me, the added pressure and business of our new(ish) schedule has been beneficial - I value my free time a lot more than I used to (no more three hours of TV after work for me), and I'm far more productive than I used to be.

We have friends who sound about like what you mentioned. They have two kids, one's just about three, the other a little over a year. Mom stays home with the kids, dad works right around 40 hours a week, usually a little less. They complain all the time about how stressful their lives are with kids, and they've been doing it since they only had one child.

A good example: We took a trip with them recently and rented a house together. The wife was responsible for finding the house, but she was "too busy," so MrsG had to do it instead. I'm not sure how the stay-at-home mom (SAHM) was busier than my wife the working mom, but apparently she was. It was really odd to me that MrsG made the arrangements with no problem, while SAHM couldn't fit it in, but whatever.

The icing on the cake was when we got there and the dad said "see, now you know how stressful it is to travel with kids. SAHM and I are enjoying laughing at you guys now that you're parents, too." MrsG and I basically said, "it's really not that bad, dude. You just go with the flow." MrsG and I talked about it again on the way home, and we couldn't figure out why they have so much trouble with it all.

Sorry for the rant. Suffice it to say, I'm about as sympathetic as you are with people in my friends' situation who ***** and moan about how "stressful" their lives are.

Great example. Victims will be victims

Some people just can't have a good time and see everything as a challenge or some personal assault while some people find joy in even the worst circumstances.

I like to travel with the latter

 

[swisschalet]

I don't know the exact course you should take but you have to do something. If you don't, she'll be ******* other dudes in 5 years and you'll be divorced within 10. Then, you'll never see your kids again and you'll be paying 80% of your salary to her.

 

[CouttsClient]

Originally Posted by swisschalet

I don't know the exact course you should take but you have to do something. If you don't, she'll be ******* other dudes in 5 years and you'll be divorced within 10. Then, you'll never see your kids again and you'll be paying 80% of your salary to her.
Is this your experience?

 

[LanceW]

I was recently in the situation of the OP. I wanted to make life better for the woman I loved and make her life easier. In the end we divorced and I believe it was because I never actually sat down with her and explained my expectations. I second the PPD thought.

 

[BlackShoes]

Originally Posted by HgaleK

You sound like a catch.

Such wit, perhaps you would like to expound on the many and undoubted benefits of marriage?

 

[impolyt_one]

Originally Posted by swisschalet

I don't know the exact course you should take but you have to do something. If you don't, she'll be ******* other dudes in 5 years and you'll be divorced within 10. Then, you'll never see your kids again and you'll be paying 80% of your salary to her.

nice with the fear factor talk, but I don't know how many dudes shop on the 'heavily used' market

 

[kwilkinson]

If you get a divorce, and the XBeezy goes on and marries another dude, do you still have to pay alimony? I know you still pay child support.

 

[GQgeek]

Originally Posted by kwilkinson

If you get a divorce, and the XBeezy goes on and marries another dude, do you still have to pay alimony? I know you still pay child support.
You'd have to bridge the gap between what she's was used to and what her new circumstances are, for the child, of course. I agree with BlackShoes. Threads like this make me not want to get married. Even MrG, who says it's worth it, makes it sound like torture.