1. And... we're back. You'll notice that all of your images are back as well, as are our beloved emoticons, including the infamous :foo: We have also worked with our server folks and developers to fix the issues that were slowing down the site.

    There is still work to be done - the images in existing sigs are not yet linked, for example, and we are working on a way to get the images to load faster - which will improve the performance of the site, especially on the pages with a ton of images, and we will continue to work diligently on that and keep you updated.

    Cheers,

    Fok on behalf of the entire Styleforum team
    Dismiss Notice

21st century women can be difficult

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by SirGrotius, May 7, 2011.

  1. Gibonius

    Gibonius Senior member

    Messages:
    11,110
    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2009
    Location:
    Suburban Sprawl Sector 3, Maryland
    You guys realized that "getting married" and "having kids" are not synonymous, yes?
     
  2. MrG

    MrG Senior member

    Messages:
    12,173
    Joined:
    May 25, 2008
    Location:
    On This Lonely Road, Tryin' to Make it Home
    You'd have to bridge the gap between what she's was used to and what her new circumstances are, for the child, of course.

    I agree with BlackShoes. Threads like this make me not want to get married. Even MrG, who says it's worth it, makes it sound like torture.


    I can understand that, but I caution you against conflating having an infant and the rest of married life/parenting. Prior to having a baby, my life was much, much different, and marriage doesn't require nearly the amount of upkeep as an infant (though it's not without its work).

    I wouldn't want to live the life I'm living right now in perpertuity, but it's temporary. The fact that it's temporary makes it very manageable. Yeah, it's tough when I'm tired and the baby won't go to sleep, but it's more than offset by the joy and fun of watching him develop and learn. Plus, one day not too long from now, I'll be teaching him to throw a football and tie a tie. Having an infant is really one of those things that appears to those without kids as being much harder than it is, which is saying something because it's really hard sometimes.

    All of the above being said, marriage and parenthood aren't for everyone, but I don't think it's a good idea to damn the concepts because there are some people who can't get them right.
     
  3. Fuuma

    Fuuma Senior member

    Messages:
    25,818
    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2004
    I love how everyone is taking what the OP says at face value...

    "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."
     
  4. Carlisle Blues

    Carlisle Blues Senior member

    Messages:
    215
    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2009
    Location:
    Seeking Truth
    This guy has floated up shit creek, cut him some slack.
    Cut him some slack? Why, I am not the one who married him....[​IMG] Besides I care more about the child and it's welfare than I do about two adults who, by all appearances, are more than capable of resolving the circumstances as presented.
     
  5. Pennglock

    Pennglock Senior member

    Messages:
    3,244
    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2006
    Stories like the Op's scare me more than the thought of any terrorist or boogerman.
     
  6. cold war painter

    cold war painter Senior member

    Messages:
    547
    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2009
    Location:
    Mamucium
    Victims will be victims [​IMG]
    Some people just can't have a good time and see everything as a challenge or some personal assault while some people find joy in even the worst circumstances.


    Absolutely.

    Some children are more difficult to handle than others, though. Our two are pretty good, but I've seen much worse. Part of this is, again, must also be due to how the parents are with them, of course.

    MrG is right about things being more manageable because they're temporary. It's a bit different with the first because you have less idea of how things will change. Our oldest is 3 and his first year zipped by, so in light of that nothing the baby does seems like an imposition as she'll be a child soon enough.
     
  7. Connemara

    Connemara Senior member

    Messages:
    39,486
    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2006
    Stories like the Op's scare me more than the thought of any terrorist or boogerman.
    +1
     
  8. kwilkinson

    kwilkinson Senior member

    Messages:
    33,650
    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2007
    Location:
    Chicago
    +1

    It's nothing you'll ever have to worry about, limpdick.
     
  9. Connemara

    Connemara Senior member

    Messages:
    39,486
    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2006
    It's nothing you'll ever have to worry about, limpdick.
    Suck my butthoal.
     
  10. HgaleK

    HgaleK Senior member

    Messages:
    4,972
    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2009
    Location:
    NY
    Such wit, perhaps you would like to expound on the many and undoubted benefits of marriage?
    I don't have any plans to get married, but you have to be painfully dense not to get it... or maybe an MPUA running his mad CBA on all them hookers. I can see it now- The Cupid Quant, iBanker of the world of relationships. 150% return on emotional investment, running his hedge fund of hearts. Analyzing the amorous with his groundbreaking combination of (The) Game theory and that stochasticy math type thing that that one dude used once I think. Edit: Fuuma nailed it. It's easy to lose sight of the other person's woes when we get fixated on whatever injustice we feel they're doing us. On to conjecture and such This may not be the case, but it may be worth it for the OP to sit down and actually speak with his wife. It sounds like right now they're talking at each other. It may also be worth it for the OP to examine this from the standpoint of her as a person as opposed to her as a feminist. It seems like he may be misattributing the issues to her ideology, as opposed to identifying the real cause. Also, it seems like there's a mentality of OP vs his wife. I don't see how this could possibly be healthy in the long run. Finally, the OP may want to examine his role as THE man in her life. It doesn't sound like he's living up to it. Nobody- no matter how dominant, assertive, or progressive a person is- nobody wants somebody that will just role over. Submissiveness and complacency will destroy a relationship. You to need to participate. Some people need it to the extent that they have to regularly fight with their partner. Others simply need someone to be strong for them when they're feeling weak. The OP isn't contributing at many levels it seems. He won't even communicate with his wife about something that is obviously causing problems. There's not much of a relationship here from what I see (given my very limited knowledge).
     
  11. Wolfador

    Wolfador Senior member

    Messages:
    359
    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2011
    put the kid in day care and tell her to get a job. [​IMG]
     
  12. APK

    APK Senior member

    Messages:
    7,798
    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2008
    Location:
    MI
    Have a talk with her. I agree with the few who mentioned that we don't really know the wife's side of the story, so it's possible she's not aware that she's slipped into this daily routine. If things are as the OP says, and he tries to talk to his wife about this and nothing changes, then there's a problem. And I'm not sure what you do at that point. That's a pretty "stuck" situation.

    But until OP sits down and talks to his wife about this, nothing is going to change.
     
  13. scientific

    scientific Senior member

    Messages:
    1,019
    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2007
    do your wife's obligations include banging the pool boy 60+ hrs/week?


    edit: ok too harsh. like others this situation scares me as well, partly because i see myself drifting that way too

    edit2: oops forgot you're both libtards. at least my chick would cook clean etc
     
  14. Dakota rube

    Dakota rube Senior member

    Messages:
    14,501
    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2005
    Location:
    A bit better than yesterday, all day vomiting for
    OP needs — I repeat, NEEDS — to have a talk with wife. Not to bitch, but to let her know how he feels. Uncommunicated resentment rots and festers and eventually will kill not only a marriage, but the spirit of the person who holds it.

    You've got to get this out and get to work solving the situation.

    Signed,
    A divorced dude
     
  15. chet31

    chet31 Senior member

    Messages:
    284
    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2011
    Location:
    Madison WI
    You are working 60 hrs per wk, let's say your commute is 30 minutes each way, and you take 30 minutes for lunch, which is 13.5 hours out of the house, M-F. On avg, you leave the house @ 7A, return @ 8:30P. To me, she should be able to clean the house, cook, do laundry. However, her request for a occasional babysitter/nanny so she can have some free time, have lunch w/ her friends, go to the gym, shop, etc. is reasonable.
     
  16. BlackShoes

    BlackShoes Senior member

    Messages:
    252
    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2010
    I don't have any plans to get married, but you have to be painfully dense not to get it.

    Wow, way to convince me there. Perhaps if you are unable to give any reasons to marry, and you are actually not planning on entering into it, you should examine whether it is really such a noble institution?
     
  17. HgaleK

    HgaleK Senior member

    Messages:
    4,972
    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2009
    Location:
    NY
    Wow, way to convince me there. Perhaps if you are unable to give any reasons to marry, and you are actually not planning on entering into it, you should examine whether it is really such a noble institution?
    You don't see the allure of having a life partner? You find someone who you care about deeply, brings you incredible happiness, challenges you as a person, is there for you in the good and the bad, and the above is reciprocated, and marriage doesn't sound like a bad option. It also works if you want kids. I haven't seen a lot of marriages that I'm envious of, but that's people failing rather than the institution itself.
     
  18. NAMOR

    NAMOR Senior member

    Messages:
    20,575
    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2010
    Location:
    Heavenly & Northstar
    Stories like the Op's scare me more than the thought of any terrorist or boogerman.
    +1
    +2 [​IMG]
     
  19. CouttsClient

    CouttsClient Senior member

    Messages:
    1,974
    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2010
    Location:
    Los Angeles/ DC/ The Gulf Coast/ Airplane...
    You don't see the allure of having a life partner? You find someone who you care about deeply, brings you incredible happiness, challenges you as a person, is there for you in the good and the bad, and the above is reciprocated, and marriage doesn't sound like a bad option. It also works if you want kids. I haven't seen a lot of marriages that I'm envious of, but that's people failing rather than the institution itself.
    This sounds lovely but seems rare. I walked into my house after being away on business for 2 weeks to find my partner, furniture, dog, and car gone...without explanation...no conversation etc. People can be really sick. Loving someone and trying and all of that doesn't equal a long lasting relationship. Sometimes things just don't work. Actually, most times things don't work out.
     
  20. NAMOR

    NAMOR Senior member

    Messages:
    20,575
    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2010
    Location:
    Heavenly & Northstar
    This sounds lovely but seems rare. I walked into my house after being away on business for 2 weeks to find my partner, furniture, dog, and car gone...without explanation...no conversation etc. People can be really sick. Loving someone and trying and all of that doesn't equal a long lasting relationship. Sometimes things just don't work. Actually, most times things don't work out.
    [​IMG]
     

Share This Page

Styleforum is proudly sponsored by