Dating call back question…

We ended the convo by me saying that I would call her later in the week.

Jon.

I think that at this point you need to do what is going to make you more comfortable. If you don't call her you are going to question that move until you forgt about her. If you do and she is responsive/glad, you will be happy. If she is obviously not interested you will question whether you should have done. In this case it seems to me that you should call since your chances of finding inner peace with this situation are >0 whereas they are 0 if you do not call. You really should approach this whole thing from a more selfish point of view.

Originally Posted by imageWIS

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We ended the convo by me saying that I would call her later in the week.

Jon.



Did you have, a movement ?

Originally Posted by iammatt

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I think that at this point you need to do what is going to make you more comfortable. If you don't call her you are going to question that move until you forgt about her. If you do and she is responsive/glad, you will be happy. If she is obviously not interested you will question whether you should have done. In this case it seems to me that you should call since your chances of finding inner peace with this situation are >0 whereas they are 0 if you do not call. You really should approach this whole thing from a more selfish point of view.

I thought I was though, because I was pretty dead set on going out on Fri or Sat.

Jon.

Oy!! Please, I urge you for your own benefit and sanity to let it go. Pretend she does not nor has ever existed. No calling back, no sunday ****, no friend's sister, nada. She told you she's not interested. Don't torture yourself.

I'll let you in on a little secret: women are usually just as confused about these things as men but our brains are wired to react very differently. Men tend to focus in a singular manner on one specific goal at a time i.e. I must find out if this is the right girl for me and take her out, get laid, get married, have babies... Women OTOH, are much better at multi-tasking and are usually more tolerant of ambiguity. They can easily have many things going on at once and so are more likely to keep baiting you without rejecting you outright while they take their time to figure out whether they want you or what their chances of finding someone better are.

As men, our our best defense is not to play into their uncertainty and to remain clear, direct and relatively unambiguous i.e. I am interested in you and I told you that but I am not interested in being friends or waiting around while you figure out whether you want more. Call me back when you're ready and maybe I'll be around, maybe not, we'll see. In the meantime, move on to the next kill. Our ancestors didn't survive on this earth by chasing after prey that got away. Conserve your energies (and your sanity) by stalking the next one if you missed your chance (pardon the hunting analogy and please don't take that literally) and you will eventually get your kill.

Reading this whole thread has made me remember why I am so happy to be re-entering the dating world at my advanced age: I don't have to think, worry, postulate, etc. about WTF "she" is thinking, or how she might react to what I say or do. I'm too freaking old to be anything other than what I am; as is she. I've had incredibly frank discussions about sex on second or even first dates. Is she looking for a "relationship" that leads to sex? Or sex that leads to a relationship? I was thinking dating in my 50s would be hard. It is way, way easier than what poor Jon is going through. I feel for you young man. (Not "feel" in that sense. Smart asses!)

Originally Posted by whodini

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I feel mixed about this. On the one hand it's the God's-honest truth and on the other hand telling other random guys this on the internet who haven't figured it out for themselves will only take away my advantage. So....thanks?


Am I the only one who remembers Whodini's big song? Friends...how many of us have them... There's a verse in there about a chick just wanting to be friends with a dude; oddly fitting.

Originally Posted by Get Smart

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a lot of truth in that. I am going to assume that all this talk on clothing forums of "gentlemen dressing as gentlemen should" probably makes some guys extend this vague notion of what entails "gentlemanly behavior" into their real life and that for sure will turn into acting sexually naive. All this gentlemanliness aside, girls want a guy to throw them down and bang the crap out of them (def in a figurative sense, and literal on a case by case scenario)

Doesnt mean you force yourself on a girl, just that chicks like assertiveness and attitude, esp in that crucial first meetings.

I don't think guys know how to integrate acting in a respectful manner with acting like a "man's man". They think of the 2 as exclusive of each other, but chicks want both, and the "man's man" part probably carries more weight on what will turn her on.

you always hear the saying "guys want a girl that's half saint/half whore" but girls want the same kind of mix and I'm betting that a lot of guys on this forum go out of their way to be ALL-SAINT


bingo!

i started reading this thread today, but after the first 2 or 3 messages, i knew this wasn't going to work out.

Originally Posted by EL72

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Oy!! Please, I urge you for your own benefit and sanity to let it go. Pretend she does not nor has ever existed. No calling back, no sunday ****, no friend's sister, nada. She told you she's not interested. Don't torture yourself.

good advice.

Originally Posted by Sartorian

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Am I the only one who remembers Whodini's big song? Friends...how many of us have them... There's a verse in there about a chick just wanting to be friends with a dude; oddly fitting.
Of course, "Friends." I'm more partial to Positive K's hit, "I Gotta Man"? Who else remembers that one?

Welcome to

Population: You

I talked to some female acquaintances at a happy hour last night. They confirmed that when a woman says she is not ready for a relationship, but would like to hang out, it means that she wants to be friends and nothing more. It does not mean that if you continue to spend time with her, she may come around and see you in a romantic light at some point in the future. The door is not slightly ajar; it is completely shut.

Originally Posted by Ambulance Chaser

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I talked to some female acquaintances at a happy hour last night. They confirmed that when a woman says she is not ready for a relationship, but would like to hang out, it means that she wants to be friends and nothing more. It does not mean that if you continue to spend time with her, she may come around and see you in a romantic light at some point in the future. The door is not slightly ajar; it is completely shut.

While that is generally true, it did happen to me about 10 years ago. After a couple of dates she made it clear it was friendsville. But, I had nothing on the burner so I went out with her as a "friend" another 3 times. The third time I made dinner and she made it clear she wanted to be more than friends. So, it does happen just not that often.

Originally Posted by Ambulance Chaser

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Welcome to

Population: You

I talked to some female acquaintances at a happy hour last night. They confirmed that when a woman says she is not ready for a relationship, but would like to hang out, it means that she wants to be friends and nothing more. It does not mean that if you continue to spend time with her, she may come around and see you in a romantic light at some point in the future. The door is not slightly ajar; it is completely shut.

No happened was that she basically wanted to date until she went back to Miami in like 3 weeks. Which isn't going to happen on my end. It was clear that if we saw each other again it would be a date (in other words, more than what friends would do would be involved), but since she basically hinted that she only wants to see me as a passing diversion, she can go ************.

I am not calling her; she can go find another friend, because with that attitude, she's going to need one.

Jon.

Originally Posted by imageWIS

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No happened was that she basically wanted to date until she went back to Miami in like 3 weeks. Which isn't going to happen on my end. It was clear that if we saw each other again it would be a date (in other words, more than what friends would do would be involved), but since she basically hinted that she only wants to see me as a passing diversion, she can go ************.

I am not calling her; she can go find another friend, because with that attitude, she's going to need one.

Are you kidding? With that attitude, half of Florida's male population will be knocking down her door. I can't believe you're letting this opportunity slip by!

Originally Posted by Saucemaster

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Are you kidding? With that attitude, half of Florida's male population will be knocking down her door. I can't believe you're letting this opportunity slip by!

That’s not going to happen, because it was never going to be a home run. Maybe third base. But, she is rather conservative, so it would have taken longer than I would have liked.

Anyways, I no longer care, I already moved on, I already have plans for tonight through Saturday, so I could care less (I don’t stay in one place mentally for long), plus since it was only 2 dates, and not a lot of interest from her end, I’m not emotionally attached in a way that this would have really affected me for a while.

I really must stop dating 19-year-olds.

Jon.

P.S. I don’t need another **** buddy, I already have 2.