I broke up with my gf (general breakup thread)

Originally Posted by shellshock

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yeah he was pretty bummed and i think he still might be, he said he still wants to talk to me regularly. i didn't ask him to get me anything, and it was kind of unexpected when he brought it up and said the gift might get there after xmas. the whole staying friends thing is weird, because we were friends for several years before dating then were together for like a year and a half. i'm totally fine being friends again, and he's seemed like he is too but now i'm thinking maybe not.

He is trying to get back with you. The best thing you can do for him is to stop talking to him, and explain why you do it - otherwise it is just going to drag on and he is going to be miserable. And it will also eliminate any chance of you guys eventually being friends.

Originally Posted by shellshock

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yeah he was pretty bummed and i think he still might be, he said he still wants to talk to me regularly. i didn't ask him to get me anything, and it was kind of unexpected when he brought it up and said the gift might get there after xmas. the whole staying friends thing is weird, because we were friends for several years before dating then were together for like a year and a half. i'm totally fine being friends again, and he's seemed like he is too but now i'm thinking maybe not.

I have been exactly where your ex is now, although the relationship lasted three years after being close friends for some time, not a year and a half. Anyway we broke up because we had to live in different countries. I insisted we could be friends and we stayed in regular/friendly contact. It was not good for me. The kindest thing if you are able to be friends, and he is not there yet, is to cut off contact with him. You don't have to be explicit about it, just make it very clear there is no chance of a further relationship with you, and then try not to talk to him too much. Give him maybe six months or even longer. It took me a year to be more or less ok with it, and when she moved back to London where I live it was still very difficult seeing her just as friends after all that time. Things are a little different between us now, but for all that time trying to be friends was a bad idea. She didn't mean to be cruel, but the kindest thing she could have done after we broke up would have been to minimize contact.

Well, ****. Looks like my ex's contract was renewed and she'll be around for at least three more years. I mean, I'm happy for her because it otherwise would have been a terrible blow to her, but now I get to keep running into her at parties and wondering if we actually should be 'friends' like she wanted. I just have to keep telling myself that she's way too rigid and pessimistic for me.

Originally Posted by zissou

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Well, ****. Looks like my ex's contract was renewed and she'll be around for at least three more years. I mean, I'm happy for her because it otherwise would have been a terrible blow to her, but now I get to keep running into her at parties and wondering if we actually should be 'friends' like she wanted. I just have to keep telling myself that she's way too rigid and pessimistic for me.

Two awful personality traits.

Yeah, that and her being very unromantic made it pretty bleh. Whew, I'm feeling better already!

Originally Posted by Jodum5

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Two awful personality traits.

QFT. The last girl I was seeing was extremely brief. She was really fun to be around at first but once she got settled into being herself on a regular basis she was one of the most negative people I had ever met. One of the worst attitudes ever about almost everything. Who the hell wants to be around someone who is negative every minute of the day?

So I have a hard time imagining I won't be breaking up with this girl now. I figured that since I'm going on a week long assignment on the 6th, I'll tell her we need to hang out before (we've always hung out the night before I leave). Take her to dinner, tell her at the end? I've never been the breakup-er, always the breakup-ee.

Originally Posted by Stazy

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I don't understand why people drag these things on. Break up. Move on. Trying to stay friends after just isn't worth the effort in my opinion.

+1. Let's just be friends is just a PC way of breaking up.

Originally Posted by edinatlanta

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So I have a hard time imagining I won't be breaking up with this girl now. I figured that since I'm going on a week long assignment on the 6th, I'll tell her we need to hang out before (we've always hung out the night before I leave). Take her to dinner, tell her at the end? I've never been the breakup-er, always the breakup-ee.
what happened? i thought you were in love

Originally Posted by gort

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QFT. The last girl I was seeing was extremely brief. She was really fun to be around at first but once she got settled into being herself on a regular basis she was one of the most negative people I had ever met. One of the worst attitudes ever about almost everything. Who the hell wants to be around someone who is negative every minute of the day?

Funny, same thing has happened to me at least three times: twice back to back.

I chalk such an attitude down to being unable to fathom my extreme raditude in all it's glory. I'm sorry I rock the world at 90mph, and no, I will not wallow in self-pity in an attempt to earn you self-esteem. Move over.

Originally Posted by indesertum

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what happened? i thought you were in love

I am. Its just a couple things where I realized I just don't want a GF and other stuff.

Originally Posted by edinatlanta

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I am. Its just a couple things where I realized I just don't want a GF and other stuff.
Judging from your previous posts I am surprised you didn't come to this conclusion sooner.

Originally Posted by edinatlanta

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I am. Its just a couple things where I realized I just don't want a GF and other stuff.

Nobody loves you.

How do you know when it's not them, it's you?

I know I'm narcissistic, sometimes callous, but other than that I really try my best. I feel like most girls fall in love with me and love me unconditionally for about 1 year, then they start feeling neglected or that I don't support them emotionally enough. But I feel I treat them the same way I always did.

Maybe it's because underneath it all, under my skin there's... nothing at all?

Originally Posted by Eason

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How do you know when it's not them, it's you?

I know I'm narcissistic, sometimes callous, but other than that I really try my best. I feel like most girls fall in love with me and love me unconditionally for about 1 year, then they start feeling neglected or that I don't support them emotionally enough. But I feel I treat them the same way I always did.

Maybe it's because underneath it all, under my skin there's... nothing at all?

Have you ever felt like the main character of an Ellis novel?