Your favorite Jokes?

[Brad]

Tony's boss was having a mood party on Firday night and told Tony to bring along his brother Bobby.

Tony: What's a mood party boss?
Boss: You know, you dress up like a mood. If your sad paint your face blue.
Tony: I get it.

Tony goes home and explains the party to Bobby and asks him if he wants to go.

Bobby: Sure, but what the hell kind of moods are we going to go as?
Tony: Let me think. We got any of the custard left in the fridge?
Bobby. Yeah, why?
Tony: We got any pears left in the fridge?
Booby: Yeah, why?
Tony: Tell you what. You cut a hole in the middle of that pear and stick your dong in it. I'm gonna get the custard, stick my jimmy in it and we'll to this party as some moods.

They go to Boss's house that night for the party. They ring the door bell.

Boss: Jesus Christ, Tony. I told you this was a mood party, not a nude party. What the ****?
Tony:Boss, we are moods - Bobby's deep in dis pear and I'm fuckin dis custard.

 

[juniper]

Originally Posted by California Dreamer

A guy arrives home from work to be greeted at the door by his wife. She's wearing red lipstick, sexy black underwear and is holding a rope. "Tie me up honey" she purrs "and you can do anything you want".

So he tied her up and went fishing.

A very similar one:

A man comes home and says "Honey, I've won the lottery. Pack your bags!". She says "What should I pack?". He says "I don't care. Just pack and get the **** out of here."

 

[Thomas]

A young British boy goes up to his sister.
"Sis, We've supported England football all these years, but I think Ireland has a great squad this year. Give me 20 pounds for a Ireland shirt"
His sister slaps him and tells him "Don't you speak that garbage in this house ever again!"
An hour later he goes to his mother.
"Mum, We've supported England football all these years, but I think Ireland has a great squad this year. Give me 20 pounds for a Ireland shirt"
His mom spanks him hard and tells him "Don't you talk that garbage in this house again!"
His father comes home from work. The boy approaches...
"Mum, We've supported England football all these years, but I think Ireland has a great squad this year. Give me 20 pounds for a Ireland shirt"
His dad takes him to the shed behind the house and swats him for half an hour.

Later on at dinner, father asks son "well, what did you learn today?"
Son says, "I've been an Ireland supporter for only one day and I already hate you English bastards!"

 

[Juaninn]

Hopefully this one hasn't been posted...

What do you call a psychic midget on the run from the police?

A small medium at large

 

[trogdor]

I wonder how many will get this:

Why did the lion get lost?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Because Jungle is massive.

 

[X-It]

A rabbi is sitting on an airplane next to a Korean guy. After they have been flying together in silence for a while, the rabbi leans over and says, "You know, I've never forgiven you Chinese for what you did at Pearl Harbor."

The Korean looks shocked and replies, "What the hell are you talking about?!?!? It was the Japanese that bombed Pearl Harbor, not the Chinese. And besides, I'm not Chinese or Japanese, I'm Korean!"

The rabbi says, " Korean, Japanese, Chinese, what's the difference?"

A little while later, the Korean man says, "You know, I've never forgiven you Jews for sinking the Titanic." The rabbi looks confused and mad and says, "What are you talking about? The Jews didn't have anything to do with that! An iceberg sank the Titanic!"

The Korean guy replies, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, what's the difference?"

 

[West24]

guy rubs a lamp and a genie comes out. he gets one wish.
he wishes to be able to piss votka. bam, he gets his wish.
goes home after work, takes out two glasses and pours a glass for him and his wife. next day he comes home from work, does the same thing, calls his wife over and takes two glasses out.
next day again he comes home from work, calls his wife over, but only takes out one cup. his wife looks at him, his says, honey, tonight your drinkin from the bottle!

 

[amerikajinda]

One day Will Smith and his Korean friend went to a Korean restaurant.
The Korean guy ordered rice with kimchi chigae. Will Smith didn't know what to get, so he said to come back later. The Korean guy went to the bathroom after he ordered.
Then the waiter came to Will Smith and asked him what he would like to order. Will Smith said, "yea I want a bowl of rice."
The waiter then asked, "what would you like with that?" and Will Smith said, "yea... I want chigae with it" so when the friend got back he asked what Will Smith got with his bowl of rice and Will Smith said "gettin' chigae with it"

 

[West24]

wow jinda im sure the girls love your jokes!


a guy rubs a lamp and a genie comes out. he says ill give you one wish. the guys says alright, i want to be hung like a ni$$er. the genie says are you sure? the guys like yea thats what i want. genie says alright and grants his wish. few days go by and nothing happens. the guys gettin pissed, all of a sudden he gets a knock on his door. theres about 100 skinheads, ***, etc with pitchforks, shovels. the guys like wtf is going on, the genie appears and he said hey, you said you wanted to be hung like a ni$$er.

 

[amerikajinda]

Originally Posted by West24

wow jinda im sure the girls love your jokes!
kind of, I guess

Three Italian nuns o to heaven, and God says, "You've been so amazing, I'm going to send you back as anyone you want." Nun No. 1 says, "I want to go back as Brigitte Bardot." God says, "Granted," and sends her back to earth. Nun No. 2 says, "I want to go back as Gina Lollobrigida." And God says, "Have a great time," and sends her back down. The third nun says, "I want to go back as Sahara Pip-a-leeni!" And God says, "Who's that?" And she pulls out a newspaper that reads, "Sahara Pipeline Line Laid by 230 Men."

 

[appolyon]

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?


A quarter pounder with cheese!

 

[tiecollector]

Originally Posted by amerikajinda

kind of, I guess

Three Italian nuns o to heaven, and God says, "You've been so amazing, I'm going to send you back as anyone you want." Nun No. 1 says, "I want to go back as Brigitte Bardot." God says, "Granted," and sends her back to earth. Nun No. 2 says, "I want to go back as Gina Lollobrigida." And God says, "Have a great time," and sends her back down. The third nun says, "I want to go back as Sahara Pip-a-leeni!" And God says, "Who's that?" And she pulls out a newspaper that reads, "Sahara Pipeline Line Laid by 230 Men."

This one is actually pretty good.

 

[Fulcannelli]

Originally Posted by trogdor

I wonder how many will get this:

Why did the lion get lost?
..
.
Because Jungle is massive.

what are you if you eat you mum and dad
.
.
.
.
.
.
a cannabal

 

[X-It]

What are the three quickest ways of spreading a rumour (or gossip).

Telegram
Telephone
Tell a woman

Perhaps not very politically correct in the times we live in, but worth a slight chuckle.

------------

When I was young I didn't like going to weddings.
My grandmother would tell me, "You're next"
However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

 

[X-It]

Amerikajinda is 38 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Amerikajinda replied, "Actually, I've found many beautiful East Asian women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Amerikajinda answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Amerikajinda replied, "My father doesn't like her."