Dismiss Notice

STYLE. COMMUNITY. GREAT CLOTHING.

Bored of counting likes on social networks? At Styleforum, you’ll find rousing discussions that go beyond strings of emojis.

Click Here to join Styleforum's thousands of style enthusiasts today!

Your favorite Jokes?

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by Soph, Oct 1, 2006.

  1. Soph

    Soph Senior member

    Messages:
    4,149
    Likes Received:
    6
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2006
    Location:
    Bologna, Italy
    ?Great for dinner and social events among friends?


    ---
     


  2. Hanseat

    Hanseat Senior member

    Messages:
    236
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2006
    Location:
    Freiburg, Germany
    You see an attorney and a politician drown. However, you can only rescue one. What do you do? Go for lunch or read the newspaper?
     


  3. Thomas

    Thomas Senior member

    Messages:
    29,128
    Likes Received:
    1,310
    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2006
    Location:
    Texas
    There was a neighborhood of catholics where every Friday night they all sat to a dinner of fish. Except the lone protestant, who grilled a steak every Friday.

    The catholics banded together and decided to convert the protestant. So it happened that the protestant was baptized in a ceremony that ended with the priest sprinkling water on the new catholic, chanting the words "You were born protestant, you were raised protestant, now you are a catholic"

    Friday night rolls around and the catholics smell steak. They gather outside the griller's back yard to see him sprinkling steak sauce and chanting "You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, now you're a fish"
     


  4. Ivan Kipling

    Ivan Kipling Senior member

    Messages:
    2,114
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    A woman is seated at an opening night performance of a long awaited, sold out, production. The chair next to this woman, is empty. An usher asks the lady if she's expecting someone, to fill the seat. 'That was for my husband, Harold,' she explains. 'But he passed away.'
    The usher, follows up: 'Oh, that's too bad. But this is such an important opening. Couldn't you have invited a friend, to keep you company?'
    'I tried,' answers the woman, with a shrug. 'They're all at Harold's wake.'
    [​IMG]
     


  5. Soph

    Soph Senior member

    Messages:
    4,149
    Likes Received:
    6
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2006
    Location:
    Bologna, Italy
    Q. If you are an AMERICAN when you go into the bathroom and you are an AMERICAN when you come out of the bathroom....What are you WHILE you are in the bathroom?
    A. EUROPEAN.
     


  6. Ivan Kipling

    Ivan Kipling Senior member

    Messages:
    2,114
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    What did they tell the midget at the nudist camp?
    Keep your nose out of other peoples' business.
     


  7. Thomas

    Thomas Senior member

    Messages:
    29,128
    Likes Received:
    1,310
    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2006
    Location:
    Texas
    I was walking along a bridge when I saw a man about to jump. I stopped and tried to talk him out of it - "You've got something to live for, right? You believe in God, don't you?
    "Well, yes, I do" says the man
    "That's great - so do I. Say, are you catholic or baptist" I ask
    "Baptist" he says
    "That's great - so am I. We're like brothers! Are you southern baptist or northern baptist?"
    "Southern Baptist" he says
    "That's great - so am I. Are you southern baptist reformer or southern baptist council of 1814?"
    He says "southern baptist reformer"
    and I push him off the bridge and scream "Die, heretic!"
     


  8. Soph

    Soph Senior member

    Messages:
    4,149
    Likes Received:
    6
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2006
    Location:
    Bologna, Italy
    3 Guys are sitting by a Campfire talking about how tough they are.

    1st Guy says, I'm so tough I once fell out of an airplane, landed in a lake, swam 5 miles to get out, than lived off the wild for a month to survive.

    2nd Guy says, That's tough, but I'm tougher, I once saved an old man and woman, their daughter, son'inlaw and their dog KoKO froma pack of wolves with nothing but my bare hands and a swiss armny knife. Let's just say this coat I have on is from the Wolfpack's leader.

    3rd Guy, *silence* looks at the other 2 guys and continues to stir the fire with his dick.

    [​IMG]
     


  9. RJman

    RJman Posse Member Dubiously Honored

    Messages:
    18,647
    Likes Received:
    102
    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2004
    Location:
    Lian Yu
    From The Sloane Ranger Handbook:
    An Etonian, a Wykehamist and a Harrovian are at a party and there's not enough chairs.

    The Etonian says, "Get me a chair for my girlfriend."

    The Wykehamist fetches him a chair.

    The Harrovian sits in it.
     


  10. JBZ

    JBZ Senior member

    Messages:
    2,281
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2003
    Not fit for mixed company, but:

    A woman on the board of a large city hospital is touring the hospital with its chief of staff. As they pass by one room, she sees a man masturbating in full view of everyone in the hall.

    The woman says, "that's despicable - what kind of hospital are you running here?"

    The doctor answers, "that man has a very serious condition - unless he relieves himself five times a day, he could suffer a fatal seizure."

    The woman appears to accept this explanation, but in the very next room they pass, she sees a nurse giving another patient a blow job, again in full view of everyone in the hall.

    The woman, aghast, exclaims, "and just how would you explain that!?"

    The doctor replies, "oh, that man has the same condition, he just has better insurance."
     


  11. Britalian

    Britalian Senior member

    Messages:
    2,652
    Likes Received:
    36
    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2006
    Location:
    Italy.
    Irish man goes for a job on a building site.
    Foreman asks him, 'What's your name?'
    'Paddy Mulligan'
    Foreman says, 'How d'you spell it?'
    'Stick the job up your arse!'


    Another Irish man goes for a job on a building site, the foreman asks him,
    'Can you make a brew of tea?'
    'Of course I can', says Paddy
    Foreman asks, 'Can you drive a stacker truck?'
    'How big's the f**king tea pot!', says Paddy

    and to redress the balance:

    Irishman goes for a job on a building site.
    Foreman asks, 'Can you tell me the difference between a girder and a joist?'
    'Of course,' says Paddy. 'Girder wrote Faust and Joist wrote Ulysses.'
     


  12. dkzzzz

    dkzzzz Senior member

    Messages:
    5,360
    Likes Received:
    3
    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2006
    Location:
    Hoboken
    Patient leaves doctor's office, while walking down stairs he is talking aloud: "What the heck did he say? Aquarius? No. Capricorn? Nope that's not it. Oven??? Oh, damn it!"
    He turns around and briskly walks back up and rings a bell.
    Doctor opens the door.

    Doctor: "Yes? What is it?"

    Patient: "Doctor! What did you say it was? Capricorn or Aquarius?"

    Doctor: I said: "Cancer!"
     


  13. Houndstooth

    Houndstooth Senior member

    Messages:
    122
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2004
    Did you hear about the Midget who joined a nudest colony?

    He was clubbed to death...
     


  14. Houndstooth

    Houndstooth Senior member

    Messages:
    122
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2004
    What does an 80 year olds pussy taste like?

    Depends.
     


  15. Britalian

    Britalian Senior member

    Messages:
    2,652
    Likes Received:
    36
    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2006
    Location:
    Italy.
    detail escapes me but something about a repressed homosexual vice cop putting the 'cuffs on....

    ideas?
     


Share This Page

Styleforum is proudly sponsored by