Striped Shirts-Amjack style

[millionaire75]

From the BEST daily humor magazine on the web:
www.thephatphree.com
Read this article online at: http://www.thephatphree.com/features...9&SectionID=11

THE WORLD
LOOK AT MY STRIPED SHIRT!

by: MIKE POLK




As a special treat for everyone who is stuck at work this week, here is one the best pieces from the book, "Look At My Striped Shirt!" In addition to this classic piece from The Phat Phree, there are more than 50 never-before-published essays from some of the funniest writers on the site.

Don't be be a dick. Order the book now!

********








Look at my button down striped shirt! ******* look at it! This shirt means one thing! I'm coming home with some ***** tonight! That's right! It's been a long week at the office and it's time to blow off a little steam! I am a Junior Vice President! I have business cards that say "Junior Vice President" on them! They're glossy and magnificent! Here! Have one! Take it!

My boys are coming out with me tonight! They all have striped shirts too!

I figure we'll kick off the night with some Golden Tee! I am going to smack the **** out of that little white ball! It's going to be so ******* loud! I'll bet I can drive that pretend golf ball 600 ******* yards tonight! I'm that ******* pumped!

I can almost taste those Jager Bombs right now! I ******* love Red Bull! I put it on my God damned cereal! I'm crushing one right now!

I'm thinking about buying a boat this year!


Party Fuel
I'm gonna fight someone tonight! I pray to God someone makes eye contact with me! I will beat his ass! And God help him if he gets any blood on my striped shirt! If he does, I'll scrub it out with his dick and some bleach! I mean it!

I'm gonna grind on girls asses tonight! You heard me! When I see a group of girls dancing in a circle, I will select the most attractive one and dry hump her until it hurts! I will rub ******* against her so that she can feel my throbbing hard on!

I will valet tonight!

I will treat the valet with contempt and make sure that he knows that I am superior to him in life! I will tell him to "Take it easy on the brakes, Champ"!

I will talk to people I don't know about my job tonight! They will all know that I am an important man! I will call female bartenders "Babe" and male bartenders "Chief"!

When I do not hook up with a girl at that club, I will say that the place is "full of skanks"! We will wait in a long line to go to another bar only to strike out again!

I will give up and decide to order a gyro off of a street vendor! I will make fun of him to my friends for being foreign! I will look ridiculous purchasing my gyro because people will be able to tell by my striped shirt and tinted sunglasses that I struck out and am settling for a gyro!

I will make one last attempt to hook up by trying to coax two big girls who are also ordering gyros to coming back to my place for "after hours"! When they say no I will make fun of them for being fat! I will leave!

When I get home I will go to the bathroom and hold the straight razor to my wrist again! I will gently drag the razor laterally against my vein, making sure not to actually cut myself!

I will then go to my room and pass out! I will need some shut eye so that I'll be ready to ******* party again tomorrow!


From the BEST daily humor magazine on the web:
www.thephatphree.com
Read this article online at: http://www.thephatphree.com/features...9&SectionID=11

 

[Tarmac]

 

[millionaire75]

Originally Posted by Tarmac

???????????

 

[kronik]

Originally Posted by millionaire75

???????????

It's an old piece and has been utilized ad nauseam to mock people here.

 

[NoVaguy]

Originally Posted by millionaire75

???????????

It's like the 500th time somebody has posted that article.

 

[Tarmac]

Oh what the hell, let's get this started... ONE MORE TIME!

 

[millionaire75]

Originally Posted by NoVaguy

It's like the 500th time somebody has posted that article.

Sorry, dude, I did a search before posting.....maybe I'll post a groundbreaking new question about slim fit shirts....

 

[rick1977]

Originally Posted by millionaire75

I'll post a groundbreaking new question about slim fit shirts.
Looking forward to it. Do you know any good brands?

 

[water]

It's the spiked hair and tweezed eyebrows that always puzzle me.

 

[amerikajinda]

Originally Posted by water

It's the spiked hair and tweezed eyebrows that always puzzle me.

 

[blueguitar322]

Originally Posted by amerikajinda

Awesome!

 

[blueguitar322]

I actually really like the striped shirt + jeans or striped shirt + dress pants look. Maybe it's my age (24) or my profession (engineering) but even just with a nice shirt, you're already ahead of the overwhelming majority of guys I know.

However, I can't stand spiked hair, makeup on guys, super tan + super white teeth, treating ladies as objects and not individuals, haughty attitudes, etc. so I think I'm pretty safe from the "Amjack" standard.

 

[SightseeMC]

Originally Posted by blueguitar322

I actually really like the striped shirt + jeans or striped shirt + dress pants look. Maybe it's my age (24) or my profession (engineering) but even just with a nice shirt, you're already ahead of the overwhelming majority of guys I know.

Maybe it's my age or the last three cities I've lived in, but a plain striped shirt and jeans puts you in the overwhelming majority of guys out at the club.

Having said that, I just bought a fantastic striped shirt. Multi-hued (literally the entire ROYGBIV spectrum on a white background) Ted Baker: it's like wearing an entire pack of Fruit Stripe Gum. I'm relying on sheer shock value to overwhelm the "blue-stripe shirt with frosted tips" kids.

 

[acidboy]

Originally Posted by Tarmac

Oh what the hell, let's get this started... ONE MORE TIME!

Viewed 1,000 times and it's still damn funny!