quarter life crisis

[LooksGood]

I'm in favour of travelling alone in order to explore yourself, or in other words get it together. If you're entitled to take a sabbatical leave or have enough money to travel on your own dime for a few months then I would suggest indulging yourself abroad. That is not to say to go on a three month bender, but take the time to reflect upon yourself, pick up the local language, build upon your social skills and expand your social network, and relax for a while.

Although I wasn't raised in an affluent family, my parents funded a trip to Japan alone for three months after I graduated high school. I had a difficult time in high school, as most people do. I decided to take the time to get it together, although I'm not all there yet, I think I'm an all rounded and well adjusted person.

As a side note, the trip to Japan gave me the impetus to apply to music school. I had originally planned to study medicine upon my return, but it didn't seem like the right thing to do. I realise I'm going to be chronically unemployed, and that scares me a lot; even though I've acquired a taste for things which come with a higher price tag, I'm confident I did the right thing -- I'm still young enough to change my mind.

In regards to offering something and contributing to a friendship, it's also admirable to display and inspire others through noble characteristics, rather than taking it upon yourself to offer them a service. Are you merely accessible or are you open to your friends?

I apologise if I'm coming down hard on you, especially since it's my first post on any forum in a long time. Take care of yourself.

You aren't coming down hard on me. I am accessible to these people, I lived with some of them for years and we did almost everything together. We talked about some deep stuff, but after graduation we all spread out to different geographical locations and I was more enthusiastic to keep in touch than they were. Ultimately I think people can only rely on themselves.

 

[kety]

I know this feeling. I'm from Spain and I'm on wrong side of 50. I got a steady job at 40!!! and I'm single. I've got a few friends and I usually travel alone. I feel just like you do, however, I could be your mother!!! I strongly beleive that things were better long time ago and I think we are in crisis all the time. I can say this now since I will turn 60 in three years. Life could be fantastic, however, there are people that are very selfish and they have never enough therefore they have created a horrible system to get slaves. We have to fight against that. This is our task nowadays. Life is not easy, life is not wonderful...no, no... Life is within yourself. Life is not outside. That is just the way it is.

 

[CTLION]

This is an interesting thread of responses. I am not sure if we are alike, but we share some commonalities. I have had people tell me that I am the kind of person who starts a conversation with a stranger and within a minute the stranger feels like we are friends. That being said I have never had a single "brawl" buddy in my life. One of the posters did not understand that term, it doesn't mean you get in fights it means you have a buddy who would be willing to get bloody with you in a jam.

I have friends but I am not sure I have ever had a truly deep friendship. And that is ok...it's who I am. I am odd in the sense that I have a really strong outgoing personality but that I prefer to be laid back and sometimes alone.

I have always been more happy than not because I have never compared my success to others. I am in my opinion very successful but I am also 40 so you have to realize that things take time. You are sub-30 so you are in a great place. You can make choices and decisions that are risky whereas I can not with a wife and three kids. You can get up tomorrow and go and experience something new.

I think you just need to see the other side of the wall you are looking at. If you stare at the same perspective all day long things can get jaded, step back and try something new. When you go to work on Monday appreciate your surroundings. Take deep breathes of air and say hello to strangers.

If you are worried about where you are going career wise. My advise is to sit down and figure out a plan to get to where you want to be. I don't know your career, but I have made strategic moves over the past 15 years to get to where I am. There are two ways to improve your standing in your career.
1) get promoted in your current company
2) find another job
The key is always making moves with an end goal in mind. Ask yourself, will this position get me to where I want to be at 35...or 40.

Just my two cents...if you don't like it just return a penny.

 

[shenhaizile]

i agree with you: It's hard to figure out the deep questions you're trying to answer about yourself when you're surrounded by distractions like deciding which pair of expensive shoes to wear today or wondering if people don't like because you don't have the latest iPhone. You'll be dead someday, you won't look back and care one iota about that stuff. Can't say I know the circumstances, but take someone like Alexander McQueen...the pile of money in the corner and the girl laying next to you don't fix the dialog playing in your head. thank you

 

[uusunn]

I'm there with you brother. Things look rosy on the outside but i'm always worrying about what the next step is; always feeling like the world is too big for me to put into perspective. But honestly, you just have to be seemingly irrational about what you want, and then go out there and get it. Being negative/having a bad attitude only harms more than it helps. The world is starved of honest, authentic people and if you're adamant or you truly believe in something, then that passion will be contagious. It sounds cliche but it's actually really rare to find someone like that.

Don't let the scars of your past dictate the present and the future. You are who you decide to be. A year from now, you'll have wished that you started today. It's okay if you feel anxiety about where your life is heading. Channel that into action and do something about it. Your fate is ultimately in your own hands.

 

[papa kot]

Ditch the money trail. See, if money defines who you are, then what happens to you when the markets crash, you get laid off and your bank account is on empty? The money is now gone, but your body and conscious are still there. Also, money is like a drug. A bigger paycheck will stimulate you but only to a point. Then you want more and more and more. Suddenly, you will end up like that person your parents and teachers warned you about.

 

[Vandalen]

You know, somewhere there's probably a guy your age with a mortgage, wife and kids who wishes he was a well-paid, single guy with a life full of options ahead of him. Like me!

 

[svelten]



You know, somewhere there's probably a guy your age with a mortgage, wife and kids who wishes he was a well-paid, single guy with a life full of options ahead of him. Like me!

Amen man. I spent all those years trying so hard to live a normal life with a mortgage, a long term partner, and a stable well-paying job, and all I'm left wondering is is this what it all has amounted to? With technological and health advances, barring global catastrophe I should have another 60 years to live. Is this it? Work hard at my job, get the annual raise/biannual promotion, come home, pay the bills, buy some groceries, read a couple of books, travel a couple of times a year? That's all there is? I guess there are just people like me who will never be happy. I've been wishing that I was jobless, single and mortgage-free for a while now bouncing from one vocation to the next, but I fear that I don't have the necessary life skills to take such a risk.

 

[Flambeur]

Been there, done that, changed my life, no regrets.

Parts of what has worked for me have been minimizing, throwing out everything that's stressing or distracting me out of my life, treating money like a way to independence and freedom rather than the ability to purchase shiny things, finding ways to do what I like and what I'm good at for a living, and so on.

 

[dmkhou]

Thinking money will make you happy is such a trap I can't explain it - read Status Anxiety or a similar book on happiness. Maybe examine your motivations for wanting some arbitrary figure. Why $200K? I'm guessing that'll put you comfortably near the top in earnings among your immediate peers? Congratulations, you'll still be lonely and depressed, just in a slightly larger apartment. There will always be someone richer than you, better looking than you, and happier than you. Comparing yourself to others is hell. Trying to attain happiness through anything outside yourself is hell. It's a catch-22: want a girlfriend? You won't get one if you treat her like she's your key to happiness. I dealt with this stuff over the past couple years.

Good resources: Happiness (Daniel Nettle), Status Anxiety, Millionaire Next Door, How to Win Friends and Influence People, The Alchemist...Zen Habits.com, Theminimalists.com, etc.

I'm not suggesting minimalism will solve your problems, but it might get you off the treadmill for a minute and let you breathe. Sell all your ****, bank all your money, and find out what's really important in life. It's hard to figure out the deep questions you're trying to answer about yourself when you're surrounded by distractions like deciding which pair of expensive shoes to wear today or wondering if people don't like because you don't have the latest iPhone. You'll be dead someday, you won't look back and care one iota about that stuff. Can't say I know the circumstances, but take someone like Alexander McQueen...the pile of money in the corner and the girl (or guy) laying next to you don't fix the dialog playing in your head.

Sorry for sounding harsh, but the things you're looking for can't be bought with money. They come from, as another poster said, figuring out if your past hasn't yet been resolved and what hole in yourself you're trying to fill with material success. I'd suggest working on dropping your pretensions, expectations, and ego. Go volunteer with homeless people, read to kids, attend sociology lectures, join groups that play your sports, etc. Meet people with the idea "what amazing things can I learn from this person?" Doesn't matter if it's a homeless guy or the President, everyone has a story and people like you the most when you're truly interested in what they have to say.

Another good book: Flow by Mihaly Csikszeentmihalyi. It explains why it's not the end result that makes people happy, it's challenging experience that results in getting there. If you are sitting around worrying about things, you are not flowing in life. Find those types of things that you get lost in and that make time fly by. And be ready to really commit to those things. Volunteer alot, not just an hour on saturday morning, but 5 hours a week. Learn to sail, ski, swim, or whatever. Learning to invest is also a good one. I have been working on it for the past several years. I can tell you one thing. DO NOT start with your 10k. You will lose it! If you really want to become an active investor, and especially if you want to be a trader, be ready to read alot, learn that everything you read was crap, take a ton of risk that you don't even know you are taking, lose some money, make some money, and lose it all again. The first year or two should be just focused on not losing money. There's my two sense.

And remember, life is the adventure. It's the struggling with these sorts of issues that is "living". Don't go seek help unless you really need it. Nobody can tell you what to do that makes you happy because everybody is wired differently. The best anyone can say is how to try new things to see what works for you, and this thread does alot of that.

 

[LooksGood]

Another good book: Flow by Mihaly Csikszeentmihalyi. It explains why it's not the end result that makes people happy, it's challenging experience that results in getting there. If you are sitting around worrying about things, you are not flowing in life. Find those types of things that you get lost in and that make time fly by. And be ready to really commit to those things. Volunteer alot, not just an hour on saturday morning, but 5 hours a week. Learn to sail, ski, swim, or whatever. Learning to invest is also a good one. I have been working on it for the past several years. I can tell you one thing. DO NOT start with your 10k. You will lose it! If you really want to become an active investor, and especially if you want to be a trader, be ready to read alot, learn that everything you read was crap, take a ton of risk that you don't even know you are taking, lose some money, make some money, and lose it all again. The first year or two should be just focused on not losing money. There's my two sense.

And remember, life is the adventure. It's the struggling with these sorts of issues that is "living". Don't go seek help unless you really need it. Nobody can tell you what to do that makes you happy because everybody is wired differently. The best anyone can say is how to try new things to see what works for you, and this thread does alot of that.

thanks, I will take this advice. Lots of wise advice in this thread. Since then, I am no longer working and trying different outlets(starting my own business, reading about pickup, etc.)

 

[Harold falcon]

Lol, as if it matters. We'll all have sexy robot bodies and live forever in 30 years.

 

[wojt]

I had a quarter life crisis, dug myself a little hole I am now getting out of. Great comic lots of truth in it!